My ASD *kid* is *so* not the problem!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
My ASD *kid* is *so* not the problem!!
2
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 3:19pm

It's me! Me and *my* Aspergersness that brings this house screetching to a halt. I take *forever* to get my mind set on what I want to do on a *good* day... and if I decide I'm doing something in such and such a fashion and someone has 'helped' me out of my exact plan I *explode* on them all! I'm just bawling here trying to figure out how to deal with *me*.

Today's 'crisis'?? My husband made a point of asking me to take out the trash... which I had already planned to do. But I managed not to blow up just because he asked. Instead I got on the computer 'for awhile'... which is one of the big things I do while I'm sorting out in my head just what I'm going to do and how for the day. So I get up all ready to put piece of trash 'x' which I recall seeing into bag 'y' that I left laying in such and such spot... and many other and various 'plans' for getting the trash out in *my* way... and I find out that hubby had my son take out some of the bags. I went totally ballistic. I'm suprised anyone survived the next 20 minutes of horror.

How am I supposed to raise a kid with Asperers tendencies (which is all I can really call us since neither of us has an 'official' dx) when I can't get through a few moved bags of trash myself?? I mean... right now I have the added *excuse* that I'm pregnant (no idea how far along right now)... but that is all it is. I am the same mess on any given day and I know it. I don't know how *any* of them stand me... but *especially* Connor who really has the same 'need' for his own sense of order in things.

I just had to get that said to someone who *might* be able to understand how a grown woman can be such a complete mental case. Honestly... my mother was the same way quite a bit... what am I passing along? How do I teach my kids *not* to be like this? Am I using Aspergers as *another* excuse or do I really have a 'reason' for these outbursts? Either way... How do I teach my kids to get by socially in the real world when I can't get over how the trash did or didn't get taken out to the curb??

Kristy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 4:24pm
I'm NT, but your episode is something that I'm capable of doing. I have a way of doing things and if anyone messes that up, I lose it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Wed, 10-11-2006 - 1:25am

Hi Kristy, I too suspect I have AS. I always thought my lack of social grace, outbursts and just general oddness was because I was in 13 different elementary schools and had a very unstable childhood nor did I have any friends, which I thought was due to the moving a lot. My therapist thinks I am the way I am because I grew up in an alcoholic home. But, reading all this AS stuff has totally changed my thinking. My father is dyslexic and alcoholic and my mom was alcoholic which is totally self-medicating something. I don't know what but she was pretty odd herself.

I have a very short fuse and this after many self help books and years of therapy. I know what I have to do, I mean to stay calm but sometimes I just lose it. When I do lose it I always say sorry. I have no excuses, I don't say but you made me mad I couldn't control myself. I just say sorry and sincerely hope and try to do better next time. I tell my son there is no excuse for that type of behaviour so I hope I'm showing him that it not his fault I freak out.

I'm especially short tempered if I don't have some time to myself. It doesn't need to be out of the house spending time with others, working out (gag) or working a meaningful job. Nope, all I need is time to myself without distractions for an hour or so a day, preferably in the morning. Which is hard when dh is home. When he's at work ds watches tv and/or plays on his own while I try to focus on the rest of the day, usually at the computer like you.

I did read a book recently which has helped me, it's completely non ASD related but is so relevant: Easy to Love, Hard to Discipline by B.A. Bailey, Ph.D. The title is misleading because it's not a book about discipline. It gave me some real tools to use in the 'powers of self control' section.

We are going to lose it to some degree or another, I think I can safely say all of us will to some degree, nt or not. It's how we deal with the after math that counts for me, which also includes some real soul searching into how I can try to do better next time. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, I am human.

I hope I've helped, I can ramble on and my intention was to let you know you aren't the only one and how I try to cope myself. Congratulations on the new pregnancy!! :) Annette