How to deal?

Avatar for toryanna
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Registered: 03-27-2003
How to deal?
6
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 10:04pm

I don't understand it. Victor read Bridge to Terabithia at school and wanted to go see the movie. We have developed a "Only way to conquer our fears is to face them" approach to movies. He gets spooked a couple of times throughout the movie but we did fine, until the end of the movie. I'm spoiling the end of the movie here, in case anyone else might fall into our situation.

If you read the book, you know that the little girl, Leslie, dies. Victor was fully aware of it, was fine when he read it in the book, but seeing it on the movie screen started a full blown meltdown. He kept crying saying "But Leslie is really dead Mama." Of course he did realize that the actress wasn't, but the character was, and was mourning her death. I had no idea how to help him through this. We went to his great grandmother's funeral, and he didn't bat an eye, but a character dies ( they never show her dying, they just tell Jess that she died) and he's inconsolable. He's still crying and it's been 3 hours since we came home from the movie.

We've been giving lots of hugs and reassurance, but I really don't know how to help him through grieving the imaginary character's death. If I had realized he was this sensitive, when he told me the girl died, I would have NEVER taken him with us.

Okay, so any help or advice, I'd appreaciate it. Thanks.

Alexis

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Registered: 10-03-2004
In reply to: toryanna
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 10:23pm

Dear Alexis,

Hugs to you both, seeing the story on the screen as protrayed by actors made the death real to him and he is grieving. I think letting him grieve is wise, don't try to talk him out of his feelings. Hugs, reassurance, and time will help him through it. Our kids have such big feelings, that is part of why life can be so very rough for them. Maybe when he has cried, and rested, he will be willing to really talk more about his feelings, maybe write about them, draw pictures.

I know my son has alot of huge fear about dying, about me and dh dying. Ds has talked extensively with us and his therapist about these fears, it makes hearing about children dying in stories hard for him, too, although he manages. We have used these times to discuss our belief in a life after death, to help him with his fears and this has been effective.

Maybe Victor has hooked into some deep-rooted fears he has, so that this reaction is much more about himeself than it is the character in the movie, and that is why he is inconsolate.

(((((HUGS)))) to you and your sweet boy.

Sara

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Registered: 06-25-2003
In reply to: toryanna
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 10:37pm

Alexis,


I was bit stumped on this one.

-Paula

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Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: toryanna
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 11:49pm

Mike gets attached to characters as well. He read the book too and was a bit upset at this but recently we have been talking about how lots of kids classic stories have a character that dies. Of course we haven't seen the movie or had it happen in a movie yet so I don't know how he will react then.

ONe thing I told him though was when I was a kid I liked to think up various endings to stories if I didn't like the ending. What if she had lived? What would be the story then? That may get him off being stuck that she died in the story and to realize it is just a story and can have alternate endings.

However, if it is like paula said and he is realizing that kids can die, then I am not sure how to deal with it honestly. Actually either way I am not sure how to deal with it. Tough situation.

Mike is a very sensitive creature and I made him read the book first so he would be prepared because I want to see that movie, but we still haven't because of a fear of this very thing. When he was 5 we went to a funeral for a great aunt he had briefly med 1 time in his life. A year later we were at a church that reminded him of this funeral and he broke down in huge tears because it reminded him and he missed Aunt Molly. We did the same thing. Lots of hugs, it is ok, she is with Jesus, etc.

We recently had a boy in our church die that we knew. he had severe special needs. I have not yet told Mike because his reaction makes me nervous. I know he won't notice. It is bad, I have to tell him before it dawns on him but I haven't because it won't dawn on him for a while.

Renee

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Registered: 09-09-2005
In reply to: toryanna
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 5:49am

When I taught 6th grade we read Bridge to T, and often this was one of the first books the kids read where a main beloved character dies. For some students it was real and hard and others like water off a duck's back. I can tell you, anytime we incorprated a movie into a curriculum, the duck's back kids would awaken. The story becoming real in a visual sense can really affect certain types of learners. ASD kids are by their very nature visual learners, (Liam certainly is), and while they can get the concept of a story plot intellectually, the visual representation makes it so very real to them. I think this is why Liam adores his movies, DVD's and what not, they are beloved friends to him. He crawls inside them, their storyline, characters, ideas, landscapes.

When I taught Bridge to Terabithia the final assignment was a written essay and how the stages of grief applied to Jesse; Shock, denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, acceptance. It was a way to help my students to understand the beginnings of what grief is and gaive them some sort of tangibility to the act of grieving. Of course these stages aren't finite, we can easily slip back and forth in them and would explain that, but I was always amazed at the students who would come back to me in 7th and 8th grade and tell me how they could see the stages in other books they were reading.

And btw, I knew 1500 people died in Titanic, but bawled my lil' head off for three hours straight once it was over, I think dh (finacee at the time) was about to have me committed, lol. I too am a very visual learner:)

Dee












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Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: toryanna
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 10:02am

Your right, seeing Titanic made it very very real. I had a hard time with that movie.

The other one was the one about Jesus that came out a couple years ago at Easter. Memory is failing me on the name. I thought about watching that this week. Can't do it again. My DH absolutely refuses to watch it because it makes it too real.

As for children's books, the kids and I were noticing recently that there are many literature books for older children where a character dies. Heck even Harry Potter these days. Poor Cait, I think every book she read this year in school has a character that dies. The hardest one for her was "Freak the Mighty" about 2 boys with special needs who are friends and one dies. Another one that is tough is "So Be It". Great book but she read that on her own. Wasn't a requirement.

Even Emily has really gotten into the movie "My Girl" and one of the boys dies. She cries every time at that part and then wants to watch it again. I think she has watched it 10 times now.

Renee

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Avatar for toryanna
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Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: toryanna
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 9:04am

Thank you all for your help. It was very frustrating that Vic wouldn't talk to me. He finally did talk to me after school yesterday and told me that he liked Jess and didn't want him to be sad. After we talked more, it came out that seeing it on the screen is what upset him and he'd rather not see anymore sad movies again. We've agreed that Mom will watch all movies first before Vic does to know if that movie is sad or not.

Thanks for the understanding guys. Nice to know that when I'm frustrated there are people who understand.

Alexis