Is Adam Crazy?
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| Sun, 08-19-2007 - 9:18pm |
Ok we went to a friends house for a cookout Saturday nite. Adam slept 2 hrs before we went cause I knew we'd be late getting home. So my friends niece (who is 7 and I know her mother also) is sitting next to Tony (my DH) and clearly out the blue asks Tony, "Is Adam crazy?".
My friends kids are 6, 4, 2 and know that Adam is "different" and thinks and plays differently than some other kids do, and the kids get that.
I have NO idea if the niece was told about Adam's autism.
I had a an awesome time at the cookout (not knowing that this took place until we were in the car driving home). Heck my friends baked me a birthday cake and it was the perfect nite up till the point of the remark my hubby informed me of.
I cried all nite. I guess with all the sangria I drank didn't help and LORD knows that hangover was worse.
So my question is should I say something to my friend about her nieces comment OR should I ask the girls mom directly about talking to her about Adam,
Sad part is, at that point in the nite Adam wasn't doing anthing weird to draw attention to himself. I am alot more numb to his stims but my DH is really self conscience about his behaviors so he was uptight.
What should I do?
Thanks
Nora

Oh sweetie,
Kids just are so open to expressing what they see and experience. I would take it for what is is; a 7 year old expressing her concerns/opinion. My guess is she hasn't has Adam's disability explained at all, hence her question. I know when I am totally open with the parents about my boys, one of two thing occur; they get it and their kids back off, or they are nice and all, and within a few weeks the invitations decrease, kwim?
I hear you about dh reacting differently to us too. I often think" hey the boys did really well today." and dh responds " well yeah, except for blah de blah de blah...." sigh.
Honey, kids will always say what they think and feel, but I can tell you right now, they say what the adults in their life make it ok to say, (at least the NT ones:)
Dee
Kids are very honest and open but not the best communicators. It is likely the niece knows something is different about Adam perhaps even from what adults say in her presence even if it is kind conversation about what school he is going to or what not, wanted to ask but didn't have the words. It is likely that she got the "crazy" even from a TV show. I wouldn't take it at face value and how an adult would mean it but rather a child being inquisitive. If this is the 6yo then perhaps she is starting to notice he is different from her friends but I doubt the younger ones would from my experience.
I would treat it just as I would any inquisitive child. This really could be a educational opportunity for her to learn how to play with him and thus help his skills. I would mention it to the mom but more in a way of ... was asking about Adam and his differences at the party. I think perhaps it is time to explain it on her terms and I would like to enlist your help to do so.
I would reply to "Is Adam Crazy" with "No, adam is not crazy but his brain does work differently. He has some things he is really wonderful at like ..... but something are really hard for him like playing with other kids. I appreciate that you are concerned and love when you try to include Adam when you are playing. You can ask me any time about ways to help Adam and I appreciate what a friend you are to him"
This will help build the relationship between them which is really a good thing.
Renee
You've gotten great advice, I just wanted to give you a hug ((((Nora))))
Feeling any better today?
Oh Nora, dear! I'm really sorry you had to deal with this. No matter how strong we want to believe we are, stuff like this can deliver a crushing blow. I won't bother with any advice, as that which you have already gotten is pretty much what I would've said too. But know that you're in my thoughts...and I'm sending cyber hugs your way.
Amy
Nora,
Please know kids can be brutally forthright in their questions and statements. You've been given really good advice, so just know I'm sending lots of hugs your way. Know you will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight.
Kathy
Yes, children can say things bluntly and not really quite understand what they said.
Chris has a birthmark (port wine stain) on his right temple that starts over his eye, over his temple and forehead and ends at his hairline. It's a lighter red, not purple, but you can definetly notice it. In fact you can see it in one of my pics I added to myspace recently.
When he was born, I knew other kids would say stuff. I even prepared myself for it, and what I would say and also what I would eventually tell chris when he started noticing.
Well honestly the kids weren't the worst lol. The adults were because they assumed he fell or got hit or something lol. Heck I even had doctor's questioning it lololol. I'm like duh, can't you recognize a birthmark???
Anyway I think that the word hit you like a ton of bricks (naturally, and I know it would of done that to me too), plus you had the sangria ect.
But after the hangover went away, I'm sure it bugged you and your hubby. I know it would of bugged me.
{{{Nora}}}
Thanks girls.
I know IF anyone, you'd understand how bad that sucked for us.
You are all awesome
Love to all of you
Nora
http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s225/irishwildrose/pp2.jpg