Dang middle schoolers

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Dang middle schoolers
7
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 12:51am

I took Cait and Mike to middle school youth group tonight. Cait has been going for over 2 years and has done ok. The leaders are fabulous, but with Mike I told them I would stay.

well, the first problem was after a whole summer of just us I tend to start thinking he is "normal" cause taht is what I see. He is doing so much better for him than he has in the past that I forget how different he is from other kids until I see him with other kids. UGH. Kind of hate that. He definitely stood out like a big old sore thumb tonight.

Next, there were 2 other 6th grade boys there. They were obviously friends and Mike tried to interact and "hang out" with them but it was pretty obvious they kept ditching the "weird kid". They were just not nice at all and it was kind of pathetic to watch.

Then he sees this one kid acting up and Mike thinks it is funny so his way of reacting to that is to keep turning to the kid, crosing his eyes, sticking out his tongue and waving his hands by his eyes. The kid kept giving him weird looks but Mike just wouldn't stop even when I tried to talk to him.

Finally, and this kills me, they were asking the kids about who started school, what school they go to etc. Mike refused to answer about his school. I coached him later on how he could answer but he wants nothing to do with anyone knowing about his school. Seems somehow he got a bad reaction and he is embarrassed about where he goes (school for special needs kids). UGH!

Mike said he had fun, he still wants to go back but it was so painful to watch. I am hoping the whole year goes well but I am not counting on it.

renee

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Registered: 11-28-2006
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 2:12am

Awww man thats hard. I closed my eyes and saw the whole thing with at least Nic with his Tourettes. Chris, well he would of just refused to go. He wouldn't of had any interest.

Nic would of been the one to of done odd behavior to where someone else stares. Chris probably too but it would never happen as he just wouldn't go and be so obsessed and obsorbed into his latest obsession at home.

When he (Chris) sees kids his age at places like Mcdonalds ect, he does do odd things to start convos with them and the other boys will look at him strangly.

Well if it were me I would allow him to go back, because he wanted to give it another try. Thats a good thing.... he's not giving up :)

Maybe you can stress in between that were all different, and there's nothing wrong with our differences. I'm sure Renee that you have spent years doing this tho (look at me the newbie trying to give advice lol) but I can only give advice of a parent that has Tourettes and not quite ASD yet. I'm still learning tho lol. And hey remember, since I still feel like a newbie, you could just think that I am pulling this stuff out of my butt lol. And sometimes I do think so lol. I feel I guess all over the map.

I sure hope the other kids GET Mike. You know there's nothing wrong with sharing a dx imo. It might make the kids understand and accept him better.

I say that as I have been told that the best thing to do is to explain to everyone I can about Nic's Tourettes. The more kids understand, the more he will be accepted. I have been working with him on how HE can explain it to others

Once I tell chris (which I haven't yet) I plan to do the same thing. And I plan to say, heck tell the whole world if you want.

IMO society needs to change, not us, not our kids. But Society.

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Registered: 02-20-2001
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 7:58am

I can jsut imagine what that was liek Renee.

 


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Registered: 05-16-2006
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 8:13am

Gee Rennee, I know the "weird kid" feeling very well.
I guess we as parents of ASD kid, our normal is a little different. It sucked to get that blow to the gut just when YOU think you make SOME kind of headway in their lives.

Glad to hear Mike had fun at least. I'll give him props for attempting to "hang out".
That is an accomplishment.

Hand in there, that's all we can do.

Love
Nora

Avatar for betz67
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 10:56am

(((HUGS))) that is just such a downer.

edited to say, I'm glad he had a good time, did Mike think the kids were ditching him? Is there any way you can do a sensitivity kind of thing to the whole youth group like you've done in the schools? I think church youth group is where this kind of thing needs to start. You could even see if the leaders would be interested in challenging the kids to pick out something they can do individually to help someone different throughout the week, then come back and talk about their experiences. Diversity/Sensitivity and giving of yourself to others were 2 themes in the gospels of Christ, unfortunately rather overlooked in the church today. If we teach compassion early maybe it'll stick as they get older?

I have to call the Youth minister this week and give her some Weston info. Thankfully, there are 3 boys that will go to youth who Weston knows and sometimes hangs out with because their parents are friends of ours. They're also in the same Sunday School class. I don't know if they will ditch him cause he's weird now that they're older or not. Amelia will be in 8th grade youth, they will sometimes do things all together and she has become a good advocate for him especially among her peers (she told off one of her best friends this summer cause the girl would not stop teasing Weston-- the girl shunned her for over a month over the issue but Amelia stood firm)

We already talked with Weston's Confirmation teacher a little about him. She was going to go home and read up on autism and asperger's to gain a little understanding and then if she has some questions she said she'd call.

I forget how not normal Weston is until I see him w/ other kids his own age. He tries so hard, but just hasn't been able to master social interaction w/ other kids his age.

Betsy




Edited 8/21/2007 11:08 am ET by betz67
Avatar for nutmegspice
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 11:46am

(((Renee)))

Geez.....that's rough. It really is worse than watching a kid struggling to learn swimming or even reading.

What is it with some kids? Quirky or hyperactive kids seem to get Sam. And he seems to be less self conscious with them. But the very socially aware, totally NT kids avoid him like the plague. And Sam tries so hard with his own age group kids too. Walking slowly up to some kids and then interrupting with something totally OT like Yugioh, Pokemon, Transformers....etc. And he likes to say, "did you know" or "By the Way" alot too. And they're looking at each other like, "Who is this kid?" it tough to watch and tougher to coach those social skills in a weird situation like school where some kids just don't get along NT or otherwise.

And sigh...when you're trying your best to explain the situation, but they still don't see it. I find myself trying to get that point across somehow without making Sam feel self conscious. How many times can I say "inappropriate" or "silly?"

What I really want to say sometimes is, " cut it out, you look like an idiot!" Of course I don't do that, though he might actually understand better if I was more blunt LOL

It's great that he wants to go back though. I agree some education of the class might help. Maybe if the kids knew *why* he was acting that way they might be less obviously weirded out by it. Maybe some of Mike's special interests could be used to foster some kind of connection.

Would it be easier if DH brought him instead? Or you guys could take turns. I stopped taking Sam to swimming; the one time I took him he had a hard day. Could have been coincidence, but maybe not.

Chrystee

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Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 11:52am

I can understand totally. I see kids Josh's age how they are how they interact, the maturity. And then there is Josh. He is a small puny kkid who is 12 but can pass for 8 in all aspects. When we went to Disney we didn't correct the ticket agent for the kid priced ticket, if paid off because Josh didn't go on half the rides he could have.

It is hard when his 8 year old brother and 6 year old brother so more maturity and wel can handle themselves better in certain areas and even teach him.

I am even considering changing Josh's scout troop from on of the more elite troops to one where the group is smaller, they don't do quite what the other troop does, but there are also more kids Josh's speed.

Josh is starting Junior high and I am trruly scared for him.

On the other hand we are also getting closer to his bar miztvah. We will be learning what his halftorah will be. And we will be getting him a tutor for it and someeone who will be able to work with Josh. He is also interested in volunteering where I work to get started on his miztvah project. So many things going on..

Rina

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 12:08pm

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