Attitude issues: writing thank-you cards

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Attitude issues: writing thank-you cards
7
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 7:10pm

Well, here I go....my first post about actual parenting issues in a LONG time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 8:51am

Evelyn,


I sometimes think that every person lives in a bubble. Most people's bubble are transparent and permeable, so they allow the outside world to come in. We can see inside other people's bubbles to a certain extent. We can see how they feel and react towards us. I think NT's can even merge their bubbles, say when playing a game or holding a conversation.


Some

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 2:10pm

Oh, Paula!


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 2:35pm

I love this bubble theory too. I have wanted to respond to you evelyn, but frankly, I went blank lol. I have my own issue's with Chris and getting him to school, and man, It's been hard. He cannot see why he has to go, and he cannot comprehend that if he doesn't then dad and mom could go to jail or be severly fined.

He just doesn't get it, and it's like he's in his own world and only see's what he see's. He just doesn't get another's perspective on the matter.

Thank you Paula for the bubble theory. I myself understand my own problem with chris and school much better.

Lainie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 3:07pm

I think it all comes down to the attitude that all Aspies I guess feel. And sometimes it just seems like they are just out for themselves.

It is like when Josh goes to school and has a test to take. He is very capapble of passing most of the tests he takes. Multiple choice tests can be quite easy. Esp if you study and remember the material. I can tell when he knows his stuff, esp when we get into the old homework argument and suddenly every correct answer come sout of his mouth. I can see it when I make him rewrite the whole test. Many times I truly beleive Josh is just choosing to not take the test in front of him. He doesn't bother to read it through, or take his time. He may be light years ahead on what his next dilema may be and not what is right in front of him.

It is like when he has something on his mind he wants to say or do and come He!! or high water that comes first. I guess it is am attitude.
That makes them hound you to death.

Rina

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2007
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 5:17pm
Although I'm sure that you're right in saying this isn't just a spectrum issue, it sure is a WHOLE lot harder to deal with when they are on the spectrum. My NT daughter never liked to write thank you cards either, but if I stomped my feet enough she would do it. It just seems that everything in life is so much harder with a child with an ASD. There are times when things really feel hopeless and the struggles seem insurmountable. The bubble theory really sums it up. But remember, even those who aren't on the spectrum have varying degrees of clarity. We sometimes focus too much on our perceived failures and forget to congratulate ourselves for all the things we do right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2006
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 6:25pm

Hi Evelyn:

I'm not sure if you were looking for suggestions, but I'll tell you what works with my aspie (Dominic) and my "so-called" NT (Nathan).

After their party, they are allowed to open one present. Within the next 3-5 days, they cannot open another present without writing out a thank you to who ever gave that gift. so they get to open one that day, and then whenever they want to open another (usually right away, of course), they have to write out 2 thank you cards (one for the first gift, one for the next), and then they have to write out a card each time they want to open another OR use their cash/giftcards. Other than the giftcards, all presents are usually accounted for within a few days.

They want it, they need to earn it (here anyway). and yes, there was an unwanted present received and the refusal to write out the thank you card. I gave it 5 days, then I told him on the 5th day, you can write it out and we can exchange it for something you want OR if you refuse to write it out, I will exchange it for something I want. It took 2 times, but he finally caught on that I was serious! I, however, enjoyed my book! lol.

I understand the whole what's nt, what's aspie. I try to have the same expectations I would for an NT, and make exceptions for the asperger's. that's working so far. well, somewhat!

good luck!

Nicole
Mom to Dominic (almost 9 aspie, dysgraphia, sensory integration dysfunction)
and Nathan (5, nt with sensory integration dysfunction).
stepmom to Lauren (7, nt, possible LD of apraxia).

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 7:08pm

We pick our battles here, but also we allow a heart-felt thank you phone call if he really doesn't want to make a card. First we have a discussion about the gift and what he likes about it, also about the person who sent it and what the person means to Malcolm, etc. Then he makes the call. We feel that learning what "thank yous" are for is more critical than the format!

We do run into trouble a little when the gift is something he doesn't particularly like (ie.: clothes, Bible books from his grandpa, gifts he thinks are too "baby-ish") because sometimes, even though we have discussed things to say ... well, let's just say the TRUE feelings and opinions do show up sometimes during those phone calls. Thank you cards would be safer then ... lol.

Sara