What do you do...m

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Registered: 03-27-2003
What do you do...m
3
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 2:36am

when your child is on the very mild end of the spectrum?

This post is probably going to be jumbled a bit because, it's the middle of the night (I'm up with a baby), and my thoughts are a bit scattered.

My 10 yr old son had ADD and is likely on the spectru, but his issues are comparably very mild. Mild enough that he attends a public school and they don't even know he has ADD much less that he may have PDD-Nos. His main issues are social and self esteem (because he know's he's different). He does have friends but it's not as easy for him. He's grades are great. He isn't a behavior problem at school. He likes to talk to the teachers (adults) and has trouble sitting still (thus the ADD diagnosis...impulsive type not focus type). Here's my problem....I don't want to ignore his issues, but I'm not sure what to do for him. There's a wonderful summer program at our University but it's an all-day, 5 days a week program. If I really felt it was crucial for him, we'd do it. The problem is my son has other summer activities. He's on a swim team and a tennis team. Since his problems aren't huge, I hate to take all of that away. Those activities are very important to him too...for self esteem, socializzation etc.

Also..because nobody really knows that there is anything "wrong" with my son (because it's not obvious), there are times he just looks weird or poorly behaved (with us not at school).. On the rare times that he does act Aspie, I wish I could tell some starring adult what is going on and basically tell them to "stuff-it and stop being so judgmental." I don't tell people because, as I said, my son isn't that far off from their kids and I don't feel he deserves to be treated differently (which I know would happen). I even deal with this from my own Brother-in-law...who completely doesn't "get" my son.

So...Does anyone here have a child that just sctratches the spectrum? What is your life like and what kind of things do you do to help your child?

Thanks...
Jess

Avatar for betz67
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 8:01am

I have one child that flirts with the edges of the spectrum. He does have an ADD Dx and has been off and on meds for it for awhile. He's now almost 16. He was able to keep everything together for school until he went to middle school, then things fell apart rather quickly. He is on an IEP for organizational reasons. He does well in school when he can remember/find his homework. He's brilliant but disorganized. He loves to talk to caring adults, finds kids his own age are usually silly or boring. We have worked very hard for him to have a good self esteem (teachers in 6th grade really blew away all self esteem and we've had to build him back up-- he's much stronger for it now). We work hard for him to do things he's good at and really enjoys (because school isn't one of them!). He's been in social skills groups at school-- they really aren't geared to what he needs-- they are more into gang/violence/drug prevention which he's so rigid he'd never do or get involved with those things. He has one good friend, lots of other kids know and like him. Lots of people think he's weird/quirky, so what he's my kid and I and my Dh are quirky too. He is in several orchestras & a youth choir, he plays recreational basketball and is very involved in our church's youth group.

I have another child who is Dx w/ an autism spectrum disorder. He's definitely more impaired than his brother in day to day situations. He needs more help and guidance to get through the day.

Our youngest son (5 1/2) might have ADHD. He's gotten better but only a year ago his hyperactivity and impulsiveness were so off the charts we were worried for his safety most of the time. He's still impulsive and hyper but we've really been working hard w/ occupational therapy to make him more able to handle most situations. He needs LOTS of physical activity to be comfortable in his own skin.

I also have 2 DDs. They are much more normal socially. Both have learning differences and are over coming those. They have tons of friends and are constantly going to friends and having friends over.

Life is fun and frustrating. We take one situation at a time and try to do what's best and learn from each time.

Betsy

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 8:45am

My youngest is like this. I like to say he flirts with the spectrum. Lately I feel I could get him diagnosed again and in fact he has had a PDD-NOS dx in the past but just barely. He also has an ADHD dx (combined type) but it is more likely sensory integration issues. He sometimes has trouble with the ADHD stuff in school but mostly he can hold it together there and is quite bright so he doesn't have huge issues. Occasionally little things his teachers and I work out together.

First, on the therapy vs. swim team thing. He is going to get just as much from activities like swim team as he would from a therapy type program I would bet. If he is that able then the swim team, etc, is likely the more appropriate place to learn the skills.

HOwever, what i would do is provide him some extra social education with it on my own in the way of some cognitive training, social stories, etc. For instance, I would see if there is a particular social trouble he is having. I would write a social story or I would use other similar strategies to give him some tools to deal with the situation. Then give him the opportunity to practice those skills at swim team. So, for example, if it is initiating a conversation appropriately I would give him a few different approaches to use. Discuss it with him. How he can do it. When. etc. Then let him try those new skills out. After he does discuss how it work and what he could do different or the same depending on the results.

As for others, with Dave so far I just let them stuff it. I don't tell them of his "diagnosis" or my concerns. I just say he is an independent thinker or I don't say anything at all. Like I said, Dave just scratches the spectrum as well. It isn't something I need to share. What he does show on the spectrum thus far is not life altering for him yet and he does not need a lot of modifications to function. Therefor it really isn't other peoples business if they are not helpful. Now if it is a situation where someone is helpful and the information is more neccessary (say a coach who is understanding, etc) then I may mention the ADD and he has some traits like his sibs. But typically for Dave I don't.

What I do is I use the information for myself on how to parent him in specifics. So I know transitions are hard and I have to give him the ASD transition warnings. I know he does have problems with distractability and i need to consider that when I ask him to do something. I know that he is NOT going to wear the goalie shirt or beanie at soccer because he WILL NOT change mid game. So I just basically tell the coach to stuff it. LOL. Honest, this last one has been an issue and if the dang coach "talks" to me one more time I am going to knock him out. I don't know why he has to push dave to change shirts when it is obvious Dave would rather not play at all then change.

With Cait and Mike it is much more obvious and so the answers are a bit different for that. HOwever, even Cait is getting good at blending in. Since she is older I give her the option of whether or not she wants to share about her ASD, etc. I also put her into typical activities to learn social skills (with extra teaching and support) but for now that is what is working for us and her.

BTW there is not studies or evidence yet that social skills groups actually work. Often the concern I hear is that the student makes progress in the group but doesn't generalize it which is why I choose to do social skills in my own way.

Renee

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Registered: 04-11-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 1:11pm
Jess,
My 11 yr. old is also dx'd ADD, but with the GAD added on. He has a 504 plan to help with organizational skills and that is it. He definitly scatches the spectrum, but he does alright with making friends, and academically is doing well. My 9 (10 in just a couple of days!) yr old is dx'd PDD-NOS and anxiety disorder NOS. We had to do more for him. He has to have a lot more safety nets at school to succeed, and socially he is a mess. Both of the boys do other activities outside of school. I have found these to be much more helpful than any social skills group. I guess to sum up what we have done, if ds is doing ok, we just step back and let him do his thing, only when they NEED it do we make sure he gets help. 11 yr old ds behavior can be strange too, he is old enough now that I let him deal with it. He has learned to curb these behaviors and school, so they come out big time at home, that's ok with me. Quick visual: Ds #1 can't play video games very well, just can't handle it. Ds #2 is a typical spectrum kid that can't seem to stop playing, he HAS to play. Sooo Ds #1 really likes to watch his brother play the games, he gets exicited watching him play and will jump up and down flapping his hands. How spectrum does that sound? OH well, it doesn't get in his way anywhere else, so I let him be. Just my experience.
Carey