First week is over thankfully
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| Sat, 09-01-2007 - 9:46am |
I have come to the realization that being both a teacher and a parent of children with autism does not make me belong to both worlds, rather it makes me belong to neither.
I don't know what has happened in our society where people who are both invested in the future and progress of a child has automatically become "the other side" but it is frustrating as heck.
I have one parent who has been giving it too me all week long. She is never satisfied. I understand being an invested parent or even a pushy parent (heck I think I wrote part of the book) but really she has me plain nervous. Yesterday it was comments about how I don't have enough toys out in the classroom. IT is by DESIGN! I have children who get overstimulated easily. I keep only a certain amount of things out so not to overstimulate and I regularly will be exchanging them for new things. But I don't think the explanation flew. Then it was complaints about the new SLP because she didn't have his IEP memorized yet. HELLO, I am sorry to say but SLPs get like 40-60 students. She is new to the position. It is her first week. She has to go, meet ALL the kids, make schedules, read IEPs and go to a million staffing meetings. It is impossible to remember every kids IEP that fast particularly when you are stopped in the hall and unprepared. Heck if you ask me about one of my kids IEP objectives when I am in the middle of something else I likely wont be able to answer right away even though I know them but each kid has like 20+ objectives. HECK them mom had JUST said to me that she had to reread his IEP to remember the objectives before she met with the SLP. If she can't recall her sons objectives why is she giving the new SLP such a hard time.
Now onto staff.
Special Ed is the red headed step child of the education system. At least it sure seems to be at my school. There are 3 of us in the school and for all staff meetings and events we are an afterthought. have given up lunch in the lunch room. The teachers are nice enough but it is obvious I don't really belong. There are a bunch of SLP's and such who are based at our school. One is an itinerant that I share my space with (she has an office off my classroom). Most of the teachers at the school have no clue they are even there or who they are.
I found out yesterday that the principal went to talk to the other SDC teacher about my class. He had never heard of such a thing as an integrated preschool and couldn't imagine WHY parents of typical children would want to put their kids in a class like mine.
I am open about my kids having autism as well. Goes fine with the sped staff at the school , well mostly. The RSP guy I don't think likes anyone so I am not an issue there, lol.
Finally there have been a couple situations, but this one yesterday has been bugging me. I have these typical children in my class who are giving me the biggest problem. There are a couple kindie teachers who seemed quite nice so I decided to ask for some guidance from one. WELL instead I got a 5 minute disertation on how in her 25 years of teaching she had never seen as many autistic children as the past 8 years. How these children shouldn't be pushed into general ed classrooms. How it is distracting and takes away from the education of the typical children in her class. How it was better years ago when all those kids were put somewhere else. THEN........she puts her foot in her mouth. She says "You have kids don't you? You must understand what I am talkng about" and I said "Yes I do. I have 4 kids, 2 of whom are autistic".
She felt horrible. She apologized later. I told her I understood her point, not all children are ready right away for mainstreaming and they need to be prepared and the teachers need to be properly supported. That my own son was in a school for children with special needs because he is like this. But my job is to prepare my students for mainstreaming in kindie and to make sure the supports are in place.
I hear she is a nice teacher. I hear she is one of the few in the school who will take SN kids in her class and as such has been overloaded. Maybe she was just venting or overwhelmed but I can tell yet another relationship ditched because I am forever the person on the other side. And if THIS is one of the good ones who will take SN kids in the class, what are the rest thinking?
UGH.
Renee


Sounds like quite a week. I hope it gets better with that Parent and I'm sure it will. She'll see over time you are doing a great job, that she can trust you, and she'll relax.
Samantha
Oh Good Lords, girl! I hope things get better for you! I've been listening to what's been going on with you all week, and I'm tired and frustrated just listening to it! And you're the one going through it! My poor Renee.
(((HUGS)))
As for those twins... heh. What I don't get is that in every other school I've seen they try to seperate twins into different classes. There's lots of reasons for it, and the Gang-Up factor is one of them. It actually bothers me that they put both of these kids in your class. You know we have those twin teenage boys in our co-op, the ones from across the street? None of the parent-teachers will have both of them in their class at the same time. And they aren't even identical! One's taking spanish from me this year, and his brother can take it either next year or from Senior Hallin a few blocks away. I think he's waiting for next year though.
On the topic of that mom, I have no clue. She sounds like this lady down the street, who, according to her, knows everything about everything in regards to children. She would be the one with the kid we call Monster Child. I think that says it all. I've acted as her advocate at school, and she never, EVER remembers what was decided in the IEP meetings
munchmunch..thankyou..crunchchewswallow.
Those were some great chocolate. My favorite!
Thanks dahlink! it means a lot. I am hoping it is just the beginning of the year jitters/hazing. fortunately that ladies son is an absolute peach and she is nice, maybe just nervous. I hope.
At least it was just the first week. I have a new appreciation for teachers though. It has been a while since I was one.
Renee
Renee,
Thank you for posting this because you gave a wonderful example from both sides of the coin.
It has made me think about being the parent to chris and the school and I know how I can approach things better once I finally get that darn IEP in place for him.
I hope next week is better, and the evil monster twins calm down LOL.
Not that my situation is even remotely close, but I certainly can identify with the "not belonging on either side" emotion. I sit quietly in the teacher's lounge, trying not to overhear any of our childrens' teachers- I certainly don't want them to feel like I'm eavesdropping, and no doubt they have things they'd like to share with their co-workers without feeling like my ears are not where they belong. It's really hard since we have three kids in the same school I'm assigned to!
I always thought I'd love being a "part of the team" but it's becoming clear that, no matter what, that's probably never going to happen.
Well, anywho...I have no words of wisdom, but can certainly understand where you're coming from, and it stinks. There's no other way to describe it! It stinks!!!
Hugs to you, dear friend~
Amy
Oh, and let me say, listening to Trumpet Child (especially tracks 4 and 10) has really brightened my mood today.
AHHHHH I am listening to it right now! ROFL. 10 (Don't wait for Tom) is MY FAVORITE! I love that song. Is it just me or is that TOTALLY a tribute to Tom Waits. We are going to the concert in about 3 weeks and they want everyone to memorize this to make it a sing a long. Emily LOVES it. Keeps replaying it.
On the original topic, I think you have it worse than me with your kids in the same school. That does make it harder. At least my kids aren't even in the same district so I can disconnect myself in that way. Plus they are not even in elementary school anymore so it is a different thing altogether which helps. It would be way hard if Mike was having a hard time at school and I was there all day. My hat is off to you girl.
Renee
"We are going to the concert in about 3 weeks and they want everyone to memorize this to make it a sing a long." I read about this in Lindford's last e-mail blast and wondered if you were going or not! LOL Man, am I jealous.
Oh...and while I appreciate the kudos, I think you'd better keep your hat on your head. It'll limit the shrapnel damage when you finally blow your top at that annoying mom!!!
Amy
ROFLMAO! Scrapnel. I hope not but ya never know.
I don't think it will be the mom. heck I understand her point of view and while it makes me nervous that she will come after me if I make any goofs, I see her point.
HOWEVER, I have already had a couple convo's with other professionals that may cause me to blow my top. Like one APE who decided to tell me she thinks taht mom projects her feelings onto the son cause she is always trying to say what he is feeling. WELL HELLO! He isn't good at telling us and she has spent his whole life interpreting him for others and others for him.
Ya know I feel stuck in the middle but, I can kind of understand the point of general ed teachers cause they just don't know. They really have not had the training in special ed or lived it. So I look at what they say as ignorance to the real topic and I have to educate them. I understand the parents because of what we all go through and the anxiety. But I have no patience for a special ed professional who is going to be a dipsh!t. Stop judging other people when you have no clue what their life is like in their shoes. Stop trying to pretend you know all cause you have had training to do one kind of thing with Sped kids and have a few years in. You have NO idea what life is really like.
Ok, that rant is done, lol. I am really only complaining cause that mom has me nervous. I just know she would call up the ladder in a heart beat if I made some sort of goof and everyone goofs and I am not yet confident that my superiors will back me up or hang me out to dry.
The special ed world to work in as a teacher is a stressful one. You have to practically be a lawyer to understand and know what needs to be done. there is little leeway for mistakes. Legal battles and paperwork just take over.
Unfortunately there have been so many knuckleheads and such out there that it has become almost a neccessity but doesn't make it any less nervewracking.
Dear Renee,
Wow. What pressure. It brings out the adolescent urge in me to blame the "system." (Doubt I'll ever out-grow it.) It gets on my nerves that there is such an emphasis on not "goofing" because of liability, and only lip service to real quality. Professionals who strive for excellence put themselves at risk. In order to innovate, they have to take bigger risks, which increases the odds of an error. (To make matters worse, there may posters with slogans encouraging excellence and risk taking, but the hangers of the posters were only kidding.) Yet going through the motions in a mediocre way that does not put thier employer at risk of a law suit is risk-free. No wonder why there is so much mediocrity.
It's harder for you to deal with the parent because you are in such a vulnerable position yourself. Right now, you probably shouldn't stick your neck out for the SLP, since the parent is not critisizing you. If you know the SLP system, you might be able to defend her a bit. for example, if you know that she has very organized plans and notes, say so. (Hopefully, the mother will come to realize herself that the SLP would not carry such stuff around in the halls.)
Some of the inforamtion from IEPs may never be memorized. For example, if she has many children working on giving back word-strings, she probably wouldn't know until she opened the child's folder for the session if s/he were working on two words, unrelated, or four words related 80% or 50% or 95% correct. (But she probably would remember that she is working on such drills.) Why would anyone memorize the particulars? Keeping data is what matters so that progress (or failure to progress) can be noted. I would think that if the SLP knew enough about my child to plan some productive first sessions that "fits" into the big picture of the IEP, I'd be satisfied. It would be okay wiht me if that information were in a folder and not on the tip of her tounge. If the SLP did the same thing with every child, I'd be worried. Also, if the SLP said that she needed to get to know my child in a way that implied that she did not care what other assessors have found or what the IEP dictates, I'd be worried. (But I'd like her to follow the IEP in a balanced way, keeping her original eyes open, too, and bring any differing observations to the attention of the IEP team.)
I know just what you mean about being kind of isolated at work. Where I work, I have no peers. Either I am speaking to someone who is or could become my boss with a little switching around, or someone who does or could report to me. It is very lonely. Heck, I'm jealous that you had a conversation that deep with a peer. And I am very frightened that that is the attitude of one of the good ones. (Did SHE say she was venting or stressed out?)
As for the typical children, who knows whats up with them. Is this a "free" school opportunity for them? Maybe their parents ordinarily wouldn't let them mingle with different kids, but feel forced to economically. Meanwhile, to keep the SPED parents happy, the class needs to be filled with the so-called typicals, and maybe those twins were the only ones (except the others in the class) that the district could get. But are there any other integrated classes? Maybe they could be split up. (But maybe their parents will pull them if they are.) However, I do understand that you are not in a position to make waves at staff planning meetings at which your attendance is already an after-thought. YOUR STATUS WILL CHANGE with time.
Hugs,
Sidney ;) Or some name or other.
"sidney"
Mine is a pilot program and thus part of the problem. Not only is it the first such program for children with autism, it is the first integrated program PERIOD in my district. What I do and the success I have this year will really determine the course of such programs to come. Integrated preschools are definitely a positive thing and I think all kids in preschool should have this opportunity at least part of the day. If they can't be accepted and integrated SOME when in preschool, really when is a better time?
As such, my understanding is that they had a hard time finding parents to be in the program. It is certainly not established yet like the one in my district where they always have sufficient. Heck in Mass where Cait went, there was a waiting list for kids to be in her preschool as the typical peers. Massachusetts and our district then was much more advanced than any school I have seen in Cali. ALL the preschool classes were integrated, they were housed in a new school where they had a wing all to themselves. All the teachers collaborated. There were observation rooms, Sensory OT, etc. Heck in ours I have to walk the kids to the nurses office to use the potty and to the kinder playyard for recess.
I am starting to get the feeling this is going to be a long school year.
I keep thinking of something a professor kept saying last year. "Be an agent of change, you are the agents of change!". She was talking about how kids with SN are treated in schools. In particular she was talking about inclusion and person first language. Seeing these kids as kids first. It isn't each but I have to be an agent of change.
Renee