Nobody Puts Our Baby In The Corner!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Nobody Puts Our Baby In The Corner!
10
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 1:16am

Okay, so I had to throw in the pop-culture Dirty Dancing reference to lighten the load of this letter. Gawd how I hate to think about walking into that school tomorrow. -Amy

Dear Mrs.-

I overheard something today that my husband and I are both pretty upset about. Evidently one of the discipline methods that you were advised to utilized involved placing Claire in the corner for a time out for three minutes, and then- if she wasn't "ready yet", subsequent time was added, etc. From what I understand, she spent a significant amount of time "in the corner" Tuesday.

Please know that we are in no way upset with you, as you were-undoubtedly-at your wits end and were only doing that which was suggested. However, we are vehemently opposed to this type of punishment, as we consider placing a child in the corner (in front of her entire class, no less) not only to be a form of humiliation discipline and completely contrary to what we consider acceptable, but also in direct opposition to the basis of PBIS "Think It Throughs" which are explicitly described as being “not time-outs.”

Because Claire’s diagnoses limit her at both a cognitive and an emotional level (bipolar disorder is a mental illness) we liken this form of humiliating punishment to spanking a child who has a physical disability because he or she happens to spill their lunch tray. When we specifically tried to discuss Tuesday’s events with her, she said that she was put into the time-out for being “bad” and that when she was there, she was “sad and lonely”. However, when she was asked what she had done, she could only respond with “wrong”. If a child cannot express what the offending action was, how can he or she be expected to understand the method of punishment?

We certainly accept that there is a need for discipline with Claire. However, what also needs to happen is a differentiation between misbehavior and emotional distress as it relates to one or both of her diagnoses. One of the aspects of the IEP that was not sufficiently addressed last year and persists this year is the ability to have a safe, quiet, chaos-free place where she can calm down and allow Mrs.- (DD's 1:1) to intervene appropriately. When she is in the middle of a meltdown, like the ones that occurred Tuesday, she needs to feel safe and loved. The school has not provided her with a safe, quiet, chaos-free place where she can calm down and punishing her because the school has failed to provide for her needs, is not only inappropriate, but by our standards, cruel. The school year, thus far, is reminiscent of her choice of poem for recitation last year, “Alone”, which focused on the fact that “In the middle of this riot, I like to find a place that’s quiet…a place where I can be alone."

We will be in a better position to discuss this matter at the upcoming IEP meeting, and hopefully together be able to develop more appropriate strategies to ensure that Claire's needs are better served. However, we request the "time-out" approach cease immediately as we consider it incomprehensible in purpose to Claire.

Again, let us reiterate that our anger is in no way directed at you or Mrs.- (DD's 1:1). We know that you both only want what is best for Claire, and we truly appreciate your patience and dedication to our child.

Sincerely,

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 1:30am

I am new to this board, but I am guessing this is a letter you are giving to your child's teacher. I just wanted to say it was very well written. I thought it was absolutely perfect. I think you showed your concern in a respectful way.

I agree with what you are saying as well. I sometimes am getting frustrated with my son at school. He just keeps coming eand saying " I made bad choices," and it really brings him down. I feel like something is not being handled right either. When I asked him what one of his bad choices were he said it was becuase he hugged Matt. I felt sad for him. I felt that just confused him even more, trying to learn how to interact in an appropriate way and now being told it was bad to hug Matt. I mean I don't know what really happend, but I still felt sad. Tuesdays our first step to the IEP, the child study meeting, so we will see what happens.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 10:02am

Good letter, Amy.


I hope it bears some fruit. Please let us know how

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 10:04am

I'll be thinking of you all day, Amy. HUGS

Samantha

Samantha
Avatar for betz67
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 2:15pm

great letter, Amy! I hope you're having a good day. I hope they're able to find something appropriate that works for Claire, poor kid has had enough bad!

Betsy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2005
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 3:27pm

Great letter, Amy. And I was virtually in tears reading about Claire and I thought it was really effective how you used her poem.

More hugs for all of you. Let us know how it goes.

Katherine

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 5:13pm

She had another bad morning...not that anybody had to tell me that, I could hear it for myself. And I've not received a reply from the teacher, nor did she mention it to me at school today. In fact, I felt like I had leprosy because every time I walked into the teacher's lounge the place fell silent, so evidently word got around fast. I'll be much happier when we get our van back tomorrow so I can go off campus for my lunch breaks, etc.

Amy

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 5:46pm

(((((((((((Amy))))))))))))))


-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 7:04pm
Oh man {{{Amy}}} I'm so sorry sweetie. That must be terrible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2005
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 8:07pm

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Amy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Claire}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{your family}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Katherine

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 9:09pm

Dearest ((((((AMY))))))

Kisses and hugs and lighting a candle for you all in our window here in NYC. May an immediate solution come winging your way...

Sara