School disaster

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
School disaster
13
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 2:20pm

HI,
My son is in 5th grade. So far in 2 weeks of school and he was sent home twice. I am really tired of this. THe first time was that Sravan did not write one of his HW and did not finish and so the next day was disaster. THe IEP already says that he has a hard time copying from the board and he needs help with copying HW from the board. Sravan was sent to the principal's office. IEP also says when Sravan is in such a mood, that nobody should talk are ask more questions (to avoid overload). But when I went to pick him up, he was bombarded with questions and Sravan started using all negative words like I am stupid, needs to be suspended.... and so on. I had to request the staff to back off and then he calmed down.
THe same was repeated again. Now we have an IEP on Sept. 11. I request you all to give me some input as to what I should do now. Since, he did well in this school last year with supports. But the principal thinks that the reason for Sravan to be like this is bad parenting. She doesn't want him to eat at the office (since he had a hard time eating at the table, this arrangement was made). She doesn't want him to have an area that will help him calm down. I have put some visual cues (suggested by Michelle Garcia's ), she doesn't believe in this.

So I am at a loss as to how to deal with this scenario. I work full time and I really cannot take time off to pick him up like this.

Please do give suggestions and thank you for reading this for.

- Anandhi

Sorry, had to repost here.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
In reply to: anandhir
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 2:27pm

{{{bigs hugs to both of you}}}}

Wouldn't it be nice if you could insist the Stupid Principle have some training dealing with our kids.... That way she wouldn't be acting or saying the stupid stuff she is doing.

Since I am very new in the IEP world I think I will just leave my posts as that. I am anxious myself to see what other can offer with your situation.

Lainie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
In reply to: anandhir
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 7:36pm

I am so sorry you have to put up with this closed minded principal.Wow what a piece of work she is.Is this the same principal as last year or is she new?I know my son would eat lunch in the office sometime as well.It helped him concentrate on eating his lunch.


Maybe you need to go over this persons and go up to the next level in the chain of command obviously she isn't going by what his iep says.Another good board to post on is the special education plans board.I will post a link to this board here on this post.I want to tell you gl with this that this is crazy. I mean none of what you posted that is

Lilypie 6th to 18th Ticker Lilypie 6th to 18th Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2004
In reply to: anandhir
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 7:59pm

Dear Anandhi,

"She doesn't believe in this!????" Grrrrr.

She doesn't have to. It is the IEP. If she is an idiot who knows nothing about your son, she is allowed to have her opinion about what supports he needs, but she is not allowed to just apply what she thinks is right without a team meeting. If you don't think that you can do this more nicely, I'd ask her if she is saying that she is refusing to follow the IEP. If she is not refusing, than remind her what is in it.

In the meantime, she has done a very good job of showing what happens when the IEP is not followed. If he got sent home twice, clearly failing to implement the agreed upon supports is not working for Sravan.

--Sidney

APOV on Autism
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2005
In reply to: anandhir
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 1:03am

Hi, I mostly lurk here (have an almost 2-year old with autism)but am a former teacher and know a little about sp ed laws.

When you say they are sending him home, are they suspending him? There are laws regulating special education students, that prevent schools from taking them out of class (and thus denying them sp ed services) without cause. If there are things in his IEP that the school is not doing, then you need to call them on it. Since they are holding an IEP meeting, and may be rewriting the IEP DO NOT sign it if the accomodations you think are necessary are not in it. You also need to tell them that sending him home is not an acceptable solution. If they reject this, call your school district's sp ed office, and let them know you will fight for those accomodations if necessary. Nothing that you are asking for is unreasonable, and it's all pretty typical ASD interventions. Good luck!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
In reply to: anandhir
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 1:33am

Hi,
Thank you so much to each and every one of you. Today, my husband and I reread the IEP and find that the school hasn't followed any of the recommended supports from the DR or the previous teacher. So we really have to go to this IEP strong and demanding.

Wish us Good luck and keep you all posted. The old principal is actually the director of the Spec. Ed. (she is trying to get some help for us in terms of some behaviour plan)
ANandhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: anandhir
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 12:13pm

I wish you luck in getting things straightened out. Definitely call them on everything that isn't being done. If it is written in the IEP, it is to be followed. Period.

I am having to keep a close eye on things this year as well and am worried that Haley's IEP may not be followed either. I hope the remainder of the year proves to be better for you and your son.

Jill



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Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Asp
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2007
In reply to: anandhir
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 4:17pm

hi there!

I,too,have a son in the 5th grade. he has both aspie's(asperger's) and ADHD.this year, he has had a drastic change to his 'routine",as ,in all his 6 years of schooling(including kindergarten),he has always had women teachers,well this year, he has a male teacher. not just that, but it sounds as if alex is really having a hard time adjusting to him(the teacher,I mean).he comes home with his daily progress notes -usually he tries to hide them on us,say in a side pocket of his backpack-and more often than not, they say he has not been completing his classwork.homework,etc..he had straight-out LIED to my husband and I ,saying he "forgot" his _(fill in the blank here)book.ok, perhaps once, I could understand,but 3x in a row??!! and if it's not that, it's the language issue-he learned some really...er..."colorful" language from his classmates and neighborhood kids. he has cursed the teacher/s out when he is angry or frustrated and can't do what he wants when he wants. and also(cursed out) a few students as well.though my husband and I are very meticulous not to use that sort of language around him,there is only so much that we can do.I worry that he will also end up getting suspended from school soonif this behavior continues and also becuase this teacher really seems to give him no leeway whatsoever-I don't know if that could be a good thing or a bad thing.he is new to the special ed. field,having transitioned from teaching high school students and that's a really big jump! but all this is not to say that we do not discipline him here at home -he has rules to follow,a few household chores to do and also knows that there are consequences for his actions-whether positive or negative (depending on the behaviors).though we don't spank,we revoke priveleges. in fact, the very first day of school, alex was very nearly sent to the assistant principal's office for something(I forget what right now) that was characteristic and relevant to his 'conditions". if,however, this behavior doesn't seem to improve by the end of this month,I am going to call a conference with this teacher and perhaps set a new behavior plan and possibly a new IEP in place as well.we already had a situation 2 years ago at the last school he was enrolled in-we pulled him out after only a month becuase he was basically singled out by his teacher and she was literally calling me every.10.minutes for every tiny little thing alex would do-asking us to come and get him.if it wasn't that, it was him getting sent to the principal's office for in school suspension. that was the first time he was ever suspended by the way.but regardless, I will NOT have him singled out again and pegged as no more than a juvinile delinquent when in actuality he is a mentally disabled child.also, I simply cannot BELIEVE the nerve of that principal at your son's school!! rest assured that you are certainly NOT a "bad parent" at all! in fact, i'm so darn sick of all these "professionals" and "experts" trying to tell me hoe to parent my child or what I should be doing for him/her!if it was up to me, I would invite these people to spend 48 hours with our children and then tell me it's as easy and effortless as they think it is! my son,too,is a messy eater but has never been asked to eat away from the table! and worse,she won't allow you to have an area where he can relax and calm down in? and no visual cues either? oh geez girlie! if I was you,first off, I certainly would make a phone call to the board of ed.-perhaps even the superintendant of the school -i'm not sure who her superior would be and report this.I would also get in touch with someone @ the board of ed. in the special education dept. and report this principal and her unwillingness to acommodate your son's needs.if it's not too late,perhaps you could request someone (from special ed dept) to represent you at the meeting tomorrow. oh, and VERY IMPORTANT! when you have the IEP tomorrow,tell them you want to establish a BEHAVIOR PLAN. this will outline certain things you want them to know about your son-IE: that he is prone to meltdowns and as such,you feel it would benefit everyone involved if he could have a quiet area that he could "decompress" in.for my son's behavior plan from last year, we included a toy airplane that he could take to school,becuase it provides tacitile stimulation and comforts him when he is anxious,tired,or whatever. it has curbed many a meltdown and he takes one wherever we go-the grocery store,the park,grandma's,etc...just be strong and don't let them push you around;you are your son's advocate and he is entitled to certain rights under the IDEA(individuals with disabilities act). worse case scenario, you may need to enroll him in another school,and BY LAW, they have to provide that-whether the school is out of district or not,if where he's at isn't or can't (in this case won't)meet his needs then if you decided to send him to a private school, they (or the state?) has to pay for his education. I hope I was helpful and I sincerely wish you good luck. believe me, I know what you're going thru!let me know how it goes.

happy days always,
Becki

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
In reply to: anandhir
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 5:54pm

Thank you Becki, it looks like you have a full plate too. I am definitely going to ask for a behavior plan, easy it is for the principal to call me and ask me to take him home, clearly is not sending correct message to my child. Yes, Sravan has consequences. So it is not that we agree to his -ve behavior. Sravan did pull one of the lies too (this is the first year though, is it growing up?) that he finished his spelling packet at school, since he kept forgetting to bring it home. To avoid another meltdown, I went to school on Thursday (due Friday) and told him to go get the paper. He apologized to me.

Will keep you all posted,

thank you again,
Anandhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
In reply to: anandhir
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 6:48pm

Anandhi,


You have received soem very good advice already.


I see 3 main problems:



  1. The school is out of compliance with the IEP. This is a matter which should be escalated to district level. Is your meeting tomorrow a school-level meeting or a district level one? If it is school-level, refuse to sign the IEP (unless you think it is wonderful and will be followed to a T) and escalate up the chain to district or higher.

  2. The principal's attitude. OK this is not something you will be able to change. Is there a psychologist at Sravan's school? If so, I would suggest that you ask him or her to have a word with the principal about Asperger's in general and Sravan in particular. The principal may take the news that it is not a parenting issue better from a professional and a colleague.

  3. Sending him home as a management tool when they break his IEP. Not acceptable on so many levels. As the previous poster mentioned, it is not even legal.
-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2007
In reply to: anandhir
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 9:52pm

hi again anandhir! I just wanted to say a quick hello and that I hope things went well at the meeting today?! ok,off I go to put my daughter to bed-she's had a bit of a rough day,as she's been "under the weather" battling a head cold and sore throat/ear infection thing. now I feel like I'M getting it myself! but then isn't it murphy's law that the mother is always the last in the family to fall sick?! LOL!! I think once she's finally asleep,i'm going to jump in the tub with a good book and some bubble bath! anyway, I hope to hear from you soon and wish you a nice rest of the evening!


adieu for now,

Becki

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