What would you do?
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| Fri, 09-14-2007 - 2:42pm |
How much would you tell an employer about your child's special needs esp if it is impacting your work or is the reason you're quiting?
My situation is that I'm a "vendor/contractor" who works for a dance company. I do costumes for their shows. Currently, I'm working on a show that opens in less than 2 wks. Because this company is 'disfunctional' and can't get their act together with planning, they wait until the last minute to do anything. I get very frustrated w/ having to wait around for costume design and then work like crazy to make deadlines. Also, when I have a family emergency I can't take the time to take care of my family because I'm in the middle of getting things ready for a show and literally work around the clock to get things done. I have had designs for 23 costumes for less than 2 wks and I have to come up w/ designs (and make them) for 22 more in the next week. Yet they've known the idea of the show since June (and I asked in June to get started).
Weston is in a very bad place right now. He's having complete meltdowns every day after school. He needs someone sitting right there while he does his homework for hours every night. When I agreed to do this job for this season, he was in a fairly good place and we were thinking he was mature enough to be at home for a little while alone or go to a neighbor's house after school. This is NOT possible right now, I don't dare leave him alone, with his older siblings or let him come home to an empty house.
Dh and I have worked things out for the next 2 wks so that almost everything is covered and I'll be able to do the show. BUT I have another show the first week of November. I do have the pictures of the costumes for this one-- but no patterns and since I've been so crazy busy getting the current show together I haven't been able to work on the next one. DH can't continue to come home from work in the middle of the afternoon and since his company did a re-org in the spring he's not allowed to work at home either. He's got a TON of work to do and he's under dead-line pressures too.
SO, do I tell them I'm leaving because I have an autistic son who needs me at home all the time? They don't get the whole thing at all! the director said to me today, "oh, how's your family? I'm sure you have everything fixed now" (i canceled a meeting yesterday to be home when DS got home) I will have to miss some rehearsals when I'm supposed to be in the theater because DH and I can't quite make it work out schedule wise. Thankfully, I didn't sign a contract so I'm not out any money.
Betsy

Betsy,
I know what you are going through.
Hi Betsy,
As I have been the employer as artistic director of a theatre company (although we were pretty careful about honoring and/or enforcing timelines for designers, builders, ahem...), I would say your best bet is to lay your cards out on the table immediately. I would have a one-on-one meeting with the director. I would explain that the slip-shod way the company operates combined with the unpredictable problems that come from raising an autistic child have made it almost impossible for you to continue, and at this point you are seriously considering having to cease working for the company. Make whatever arrangements you can make, can dancers come to your home for fittings, etc.?
I guess that you are asking if I would just drop the second show and let them find someone else, whew, I sure would consider it. They right now have the pictures and enough time, so they could find another contractor to do the work. And you would be giving them back the work in as timely a manner as possible, so your professionalism remains in tact! But you need to make it clear as glass that you could have also done the other show if it weren't for the f''ked-up handling for the first one! And you are going to have your hands full for next 2 weeks with everything else going on, ugh.
Are you considering dropping BOTH shows, I wasn't clear? For me, work comes behind family needs these days and when family needs and there is noone besides me that can fulfill that need ... they come first. I wouldn't continue porking for them under the current conditions, and if this is the dance company's modus operandi, future shows are not likely to be better, sadly.
Good luck. Let us know what you decide, of course.
Sara
Thanks for all the help!
Sara, yes, I was planning to stay through the show I'm currently working on. Dh can take time off to be here with the kids when I'm in the theater for the performances. I just got my tech schedule and I'll have to talk to the production manager about not being able to be there the whole time like he'd asked. I think I'm going to have to have a meeting with him asap. I also got an email about a production meeting on Tuesday, exactly when it won't work cause it was scheduled for right when Weston's bus would get to our house and the meeting is 30 min away. This whole situation is getting worse and worse. AND Weston had a total meltdown on Friday again.
I have to do this in such a way that my professionalism is not compromised and that I leave no hard feelings. My oldest dd also takes lessons at the conservatory of this company. She does not want to leave this school as she has good teachers and good friends there. I think I even have a contact that will do the costumes for the next show, so I can give the production manager that name and feel like I left things as best I could. Now I just need to pull myself together and figure out what I'm going to say w/o getting emotional (I tear up when I have to talk about Weston's issues w/ people that don't understand).
Thanks for all the support!
Betsy
I wouldn't explain it to them. You mentioned they don't get it and really they don't have to know and don't have the right to know. If they are not supportive and you feel like you are going to tear up then don't. I don't even think you have to give them a reason. Just turn in your notice for the time you have set.
If they ask just say it isn't going to work out and you can't keep the commitment to them at this time.
HUGS about Weston. I really hope this clears up soon. That is so hard.
Renee
Well, I did it. Called the production manager this morning and asked to meet with him. I had several things for the current show to get taken care of and then also gave him my letter of resignation and the notes for the next show. I just said I needed to leave for family reasons. He asked very sincerely about what was going on, so I opened up and explained the situation to him. I think we were able to part on very good terms and even though I won't be able to go back for awhile, I do have good contacts in the area and I didn't hurt my professional rep. Then I went and talked to the director. She was nice enough, but she still doesn't get it. Thinks cause she met Weston once or twice and he seemed ok that he's just a normal kid and I'm making way more of this than I should. Oh well. I have to do what's best for my family.
Thanks for all the advice, it means so much!
Betsy
Hey Betsy,
I am sure the director just loves your work and wants to keep you around, also the director may indeed be a little dim on ANY problems that have nothing to do with the dance company, capesh? "The show must go on" and all that. Too bad.
Congrats!!! I am also so sorry that you and your family are struggling these days, but getting yourself more freed up to roll up your sleeves and find solutions is the very best thing to do, if it is at all feasible. When there is just too much on one's plate and way too many crises, it is impossible to do ANYTHING well.
I don't regret my own decision to do just that just over 3 years ago, even though I do miss my previous life...
And when our kids need us, they do. End of story.
yours,
Sara