Kindy decision just got harder
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| Thu, 01-31-2008 - 6:27pm |
Hey all. I was just thinking I should go ahead and send my Asperger's kid, Kyle, to kindergarten next year (after thinking a LONG time of holding him back a year), and now I am thinking again I should hold him back after all. Sigh.
I observed an all-day kindergarten class today that Kyle could be in next year. They were all writing numbers and words, and drawing faces, etc. Kyle is no where near doing that. He scribbles, and I know he will have a hard time writing. And writing is a HUGE part of the program.
I now would say Kyle is on-time for knowledge, but not for writing and drawing, etc. I realize that I saw a class that has been going for four months, but I still think Kyle would not be at that level of fine motor skills at that point next year.
I talked to the teacher a lot, and she believes in holding back kids if they will be the youngest in their class - and Kyle would be one of them. She calls it "the gift of time." Of course, the district as a whole does not feel that way due to funding issues. Most of the current kids were older - born from September to December - and very few in May and June. (Kyle was born May 28 - two months before the deadline.)
The teacher has had students with autism, but no kids who have not been potty trained. (Kyle currently is not potty trained and has NO interest in it.) She didn't seem to want a kid who hasn't been potty trained, and thought the other kids would make fun of him and not want to be around him. They also only get 15-20 minutes for lunch, which would not work well for Kyle, who has major eating issues.
And it is what I feared: so packed with academics that there is very little time for play. She even said that, yes, kindergarten, really is what first grade used to be. And that is why she said so many parents are holding their kids back when they are born close to the deadline.
The teacher also said it's very hard to get the district to agree to letting a child repeat kindergarten.
Kirsty, I understand that our Aspie kids will never "catch up" to the point they become NT kids. But, I do think Kyle would be closer to where the next batch of peers will be in terms of fine motor and self-care skills and overall maturity. I can't help but feel I'd be putting Kyle at a major disadvantage by sending him on to kindergarten "on time."
Heather, I would love a junior kindergarten program for Kyle. I am going to TRY to find him one, but I will have to get Kyle potty trained for it I think. But even if I can get him potty trained, it's not the only reason I want to hold him back a year.
What do you all think about this? I just can't see Kyle in a kindergarten class like the one I saw. It's so different from preschool and stresses skills he just doesn't have yet.
Michelle
Mom to Kyle (5-28-03) and Luke (3-28-07)
I just don't know what to do for Kyle, but he WILL be in a socialized setting and has been for two years now. I just don't know what kind of setting.
Michelle
Mom to Kyle (5-28-03) and Luke (3-28-07)

I'm so glad you went to look at the kindy.
I can tell you what our experience has been like.
Hi, Molly. Actually, our district's deadline for kindergarten is Aug. 1, not Dec. 1. Kyle's birthday is a few days over 2 months away from that deadline. Since his birthday is May 28, I think of it more as a June birthday.
I know there is another year for Kyle to be at the point the kindergarten class I saw was. But even knowing that, I think Kyle needs extra time to mature and improve skills. And he is SOOO small for his age - 3 feet, 3 inches tall and 30 pounds.
My son's transitional IEP is not until early March. But I sign up for kindergarten next week. I will do that, but I probably won't go through with that plan.
I totally understand why parents would hold back even NT kids these days with kindergarten being the new first grade. (The kindergarten teacher thinks that's the reason many parents are holding back their kids a year.) Why in the heck are we moving in that direction? Trying to leave behind even more kids??? Geesh, I say let kids be kids a little longer please.
Michelle
Mom to Kyle (5-28-03) and Luke (3-28-07)
It does sound like kindergarten isn't right for him at the moment. These things are very individual and you need to judge on the basis of what he would actually be doing, not some kind of 'idealised' programme that bears no relationship to his actual daily life, so you need to do exactly what you are doing: check the options out in person and go with your mummy instinct. In terms of his academic stuff, that's what the teachers need to be doing, and they should take into account children with fine motor skills issues, so if I were you I wouldn't worry too much about that. (And also - who cares? seriously? if he can't write when he's 5? most Scandinavian kids don't *start* being taught reading and writing til they are 7, and yet they outperform British and American kids in all the key skills in secondary school and beyond, so why in our Anglo Saxon world are we obsessed with early achievement?) I'd be more worried about the social/emotional side of things for Kyle. I don't know about the American system, but certainly in England what really hindered us was the overwhelming focus on achievement scores and tests the minute they started the equivalent of kindergarten - not that I cared if Euan didn't do well, but his teachers did, and it put overwhelming pressure on us all. (Hurrah for the Scots educational system which still values *teaching* rather than testing, all our kids are doing so much better here!) anyway, I digress...I don't think Kyle, or you, need the added 'academic' pressure, so young, when really he should be playing, and enjoying himself, and learning social skills that are waaaay harder for him than for other kids, but correspondingly are much more important for him to learn.
The reason this is so hard is because we kid ourselves all we like that these are sane, rational decisions (does the school have x, y, z in place to support my child etc etc) when actually, it is a really emotional one (will my child be happy here?) That's why I always say - gut instinct. And don't beat yourself up about making a decision based on emotions either...
Kirsty, mum to Euan (9, Aspergers) Rohan (4, NT) and Maeve (2, NT)
"My definition of housework is to sweep the room with a glance"
Follow my blog on http://mumsnet.com/blogs/kirsteinr/