I love your letter. I don't know how to phrase it so it doesn't sound like you're using the disorder as an excuse (which is what the school has told me)...it's all in the wording. But I agree that they need to accommodate the new "system" for him, due to the diagnosis. (Does that make sense?)
What I do to help both my girls is a checklist on the refrigerator, and another on my office wall (which they see often). We pack up backpacks the night before and make sure that they have library books on the necessary days (checking the list) and my oldest has her swim gear or flute and music on the necessary days (again, the list). It's just a nice habit to get into year to year. (I also have their lunch periods and any special classes on there, too.)
For example
Bug Monday - PE Tues - Music Wed - Library (bring book!) Thurs - PE Friday - Art
Kasia Monday - Music/Chorus Tues - PE Wed - PE/Swim (bring swim bag) Thurs - Book Exchange, Art, and Band (bring library book, flute and music) Fri - PE
It's written out in grid form so it's easier for them to understand visually, but it's there and we check it often. When it's Bug's turn to learn an instrument, we'll add it on the list and check it nightly until it's routine.
So that might help him in the long run, but they should also be doing something like an agenda or prospectus of sorts in school for him. (Or make your own chart, and ask them to use it!) But they should not be giving him detention for this in my honest opinion.
At the first of the year, the teachers felt that Victor deserved detention for forgetting his reading book at home. When this happened, I went out and bought Victor a dry erase calendar board. He has trouble with remembering what the day is and what needed to be packed on what days. This way, he knows that today is Feb. 6 and he needs his gym clothes for tomorrow and that he has deployment club and Tae Kwon Do tomorrow afternoon and night. Having this written on the calendar helps him SO much because now he doesn't worry about forgetting things.
As far as your letter goes, I think it's very respectful. It's hard to explain to people that we're not out to let our kids "get over" but to make certain they get a fair shake.
"The music teacher told me that she treats all of her 4th graders the same, and that's how they learn responsibility. You know that sick feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you are trying to advocate for your child and someone just doesn't get it? I told her that the approach that works for other kids doesn't work for David, but of course I may as well have been talking to a wall, because she has no clue about Asperger's."
Oh yes, I TOTALLY understand. That's the EXACT problem we have. They just don't get it, and don't see what they call "stand out" behaviors. And had even gone into her desk and offered ANYONE in the classroom something out of it "to teach her a lesson about stealing."
That would be terribly embarrassing for an NT kid, and incredibly debilitating for an Aspie.
These teachers - they just don't GET it.
Just know you're not alone with situations like these.
I love your letter. I don't know how to phrase it so it doesn't sound like you're using the disorder as an excuse (which is what the school has told me)...it's all in the wording. But I agree that they need to accommodate the new "system" for him, due to the diagnosis. (Does that make sense?)
What I do to help both my girls is a checklist on the refrigerator, and another on my office wall (which they see often). We pack up backpacks the night before and make sure that they have library books on the necessary days (checking the list) and my oldest has her swim gear or flute and music on the necessary days (again, the list). It's just a nice habit to get into year to year. (I also have their lunch periods and any special classes on there, too.)
For example
Bug
Monday - PE
Tues - Music
Wed - Library (bring book!)
Thurs - PE
Friday - Art
Kasia
Monday - Music/Chorus
Tues - PE
Wed - PE/Swim (bring swim bag)
Thurs - Book Exchange, Art, and Band (bring library book, flute and music)
Fri - PE
It's written out in grid form so it's easier for them to understand visually, but it's there and we check it often. When it's Bug's turn to learn an instrument, we'll add it on the list and check it nightly until it's routine.
So that might help him in the long run, but they should also be doing something like an agenda or prospectus of sorts in school for him. (Or make your own chart, and ask them to use it!) But they should not be giving him detention for this in my honest opinion.
Evelyn,
At the first of the year, the teachers felt that Victor deserved detention for forgetting his reading book at home. When this happened, I went out and bought Victor a dry erase calendar board. He has trouble with remembering what the day is and what needed to be packed on what days. This way, he knows that today is Feb. 6 and he needs his gym clothes for tomorrow and that he has deployment club and Tae Kwon Do tomorrow afternoon and night. Having this written on the calendar helps him SO much because now he doesn't worry about forgetting things.
As far as your letter goes, I think it's very respectful. It's hard to explain to people that we're not out to let our kids "get over" but to make certain they get a fair shake.
Here's a little update.
Evelyn,
Anandhi,
I kind of remember you talking about Sravan and the PE teacher.
Oh yes, I TOTALLY understand. That's the EXACT problem we have. They just don't get it, and don't see what they call "stand out" behaviors. And had even gone into her desk and offered ANYONE in the classroom something out of it "to teach her a lesson about stealing."
That would be terribly embarrassing for an NT kid, and incredibly debilitating for an Aspie.
These teachers - they just don't GET it.
Just know you're not alone with situations like these.