Eye contact, requesting, requiring?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Eye contact, requesting, requiring?
7
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 5:23pm

We are having home instruction til we get Tom's final placement worked out and the teacher is his kindy teacher from the beginning of the year.

                                

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 5:39pm

Heather,


It would bug me too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 6:06pm

I think the teacher is a dolt.

However I also think that she is probably one of those people who will NOT take your word for what is right for your child.

if you can, try and approach the school psychologist and see if s/he will talk to the teacher about the best way to address an Aspie.

This assumes that the psychologist is not a dolt, of course...

-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 9:49pm

This reminds me of one of the Sunday School teachers that Xander had when he was 4. The man had the gall to tell me that all I had to do was hold Xan's face looking at me and he would learn. (And then proceeded to tell me he did this to my son.)

You want to talk about a mom unglued...

Here is how I've explained it ever since (part of a blog on this very thing..):

"Do not ever, and I mean ever, physically force my child to look you in the eyes. He is not comfortable with eye contact, and this is the same with most ASD children... it is not a lack of respect. If you physically put your hands on my child's face and force him to look at you he will not remember the message you are trying to send verbally...he will be too caught up in the fact that your hands are on him. And then you will have ME to deal with."

I highly recommend that you get this taken care of... for an Aspie it's abusive, though people don't understand why that is. One thing you might try with your child that worked for mine (you never know..lol), is having him look at the person's chin or cheek. Sometimes this feels more comfortable and it also takes the stigma of looking everywhere but the person's face away. Usually the person they are talking to doesn't notice they aren't making actual eye contact.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this... I so know as a mother how nerve-wracking these things that are 'small' to others can be massive to us and our kids when you combine it with everything else. Good luck in getting through to that lady!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 11:13pm

Heather-


I can't add anything to what the others have posted...between Paula calling the teacher a "dolt" and Andie sharing her tirade (which was FABULOUS, btw) I think I'll just say that I agree with the previous posters.

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

Avatar for betz67
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 7:45am

I totally agree w/ everyone else. I just had to say that even though I'm not actually on the spectrum, (tho I often think I'm teetering on the edge) I HATE eye contact w/ anyone I don't really know well. The closer that person is to my personal space the less I can handle eye contact. There is something so very intimate about someone standing or sitting close to me and looking them in the eye. I have a hard time understanding what they're saying or speaking myself if I'm that close and looking at their eyes.

I have a couple of good friends that really find it offensive when they're giving a child a command and that child won't look into their eyes. Absolutely wiggs me out when they will say "look into my eyes when I'm talking to you". I always feel like this makes the child feel smaller and inferior.

Betsy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 11:05am

Thanks for your responses.

                                

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-1998
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 3:02pm

Chiming in late here, but would it make a difference if the teacher read something about how making eye contact is physically as well as psychologically painful for spectrum kids?