please help-discipline w/ 3 yr. old

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
please help-discipline w/ 3 yr. old
6
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 2:57pm
Hi!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 3:05pm

sorry for the link, but this subject came up very recently and I am in a tearing hurry right now! I will come back later and post more specifically in ansewer to your questions, but this here is the other link to be going along with.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pspddnos&msg=10546.1&ctx=128

-Paula


visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 12:08am

Hi,


Well as I can't really add to the discipline question regarding his behavior in the store, I can offer some advice I got from a therapist who treated my dd when she was little.


She was dx-d with ADHD and Borderline Personality Disorder (even tho I know now I know it was a mis-dx) when she was 5.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2005
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 1:17am

How's his language? Could he understand you if you gave him the basics of what you were going to be doing, and what you expected of him. "We are going to the store to get X. When we get there, you will ride in the cart, but you can have a snack while we're shopping. After we pay, we'll hold hands and walk back to the car together" Maybe if he knows exactly what to expect (and when it will end) he'll have an easier time. My DD is getting pretty good with this - she'll repeat the sequence ad nauseum, but I know she is understanding what is going to happen (today she was anticipating her ST coming for a session, so all morning she was saying "after nap, Tammy coming, open door, say hi")

Oh, I agree with PP too - try to limit where you have to take him until he is handling public situations better. Keep trips short for now if you can.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 1:43am

First of all {{{HUGS}}} This is truly a frustrating situation. A couple of things that worked for us.


1.) Anytime I went to the store, I pushed two carts... one with kids in it one for the food. I would put my daughter (NT) in the child spot and in the buggy I would bring a big blanket (TWIN SIZED when he was young) We would lay the blanket down in the cart, put him in it and then wrap it around him super tight. Turned out the lights, the people, the things to touch, even the cool of the air were all things that set him off into a tantrum.


2.) We always told him exactly what was going to happen anywhere we went. He was told what to expect, and how to behave.


3.) Sometimes, even after all of the preparation, a child just needed to scream. In every store, we found tantrum corners. A tantrum corner was a place that was safe to scream, kick, fuss, whatever. It wasn't okay to do these things outside this corner, but while sitting there it was okay. Even in the middle of the mall, there was a spot outside the Victoria Secret store that we always took all the kids to when they'd have tantrums. We never made the child face the corner, they could lay down on the floor and scream or whatever. Once they were done screaming, I would ask them if they were ready to try again and they would tell me yes or no. They made the call. This gave them time to calm down and because there were designated spots, usually in the backs of stores or outside stores, etc.. I didn't have to feel guilty that they were throwing fits. If I saw anyone giving me a dirty look because he was screaming I would mention "We just need to get ourselves together, we'll be done in a moment." This worked so well that I adopted the same technique with my daughter and with my girlfriend's son. Now she will ask him "So we need to go to the screaming corner?" and he stops the fits because he doesn't want to be isolated. Victor( now age 11.5)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2004
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 5:15am

Dear Loriann,


I have two spectum boys. (And no NT's.)


When my bigger guy (AS) was three and and half, his brother (PDD or AS, depending on the mood of his nuero) was just becomming mobile.


At that time, I was also still developing an understanding for my older son's needs and differences.

APOV on Autism
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 7:35am

I have sometimes left my cart full of things with the customer service desk and taken DS to the car to start over.