I realllly need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2007
I realllly need help
5
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 10:46am

Hello,


I am truly desperate right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 1:06pm

Hi Stephanie,

welcome to the board. I think your instincts are right to look at what might have changed. Look at thing just prior to the behavior changes. Honestly it can be something as odd as the clocks changing (that might cause his sleep to be disrupted, which in turn will cause behavior problems). I am not saying it is the clock change, but you have to look at all sorts of things when assessing matters like this.

I would also check with school and daycare and asked if anything changed there? a change of personnel, kids, routine or expectations at either location could be a trigger for behavior changes.

Also something positive can bring negative changes in other areas. My son used to have a behavioral regression right around a skills or language *progression*. After a few weeks the behaviour would return to normal and the new skills would remain, but there was always those few weeks when he was a complete monster.

Personally, I am suspicious of those guinea pigs. Do they live in his room? are they keeping him awake at night? Does he harbor secret fears that you love them more than him or are planning to replace him with them? I'm serious. Kids -particularly spectrum kids can think up the most outrageous scenarios.

So what can you do?

I don't know how advanced is his comprehension, but you can try a rewards charts for good behavior. Every (say) 15 minutes he goes without throwing, hitting or kicking (if that is too much, concentrate on one; -say throwing), he gets a sticker. So-many stickers earns a reward. I used to do a tiered rewards system. One good day might earn a food treat. A week of good days would earn a toy. If he does something nice, like willingly gives up a toy to another child, that is an automatic bonus sticker. This chart can be transported between home and daycare or you can have one for each location. In my experience one works best.

I used to make rewards charts on word or excel with a grid of days of the week (across) and timeslots for each day (down), with a bonus section for each day on the bottom. Once I had it the way I liked it was saved, and I printed out a new one each week. I got these little dot stickers which went in the grid (Staples or any office supplies place has these). That made it easy to count because there was a maximum he could earn plus bonus. You could even go to a "green, yellow, red" system if you wish, but I would start with purely positive at first (green).

Later, -to avoid going broke, I would keep the chart but expand the time slots to 20, 25, then 30 mintutes.

I hope this helps.

-Paula


visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Avatar for littleroses
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 2:41pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 8:46am
I want to ditto the allergy theory.
Samantha
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2007
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 9:54am

Hi Stephanie,


I know you are worried and don't know what to do. I think sometimes daycares are no willing to tollerate much from children with difficulties which is crazy considering they are in early education. I think you need to meet with the provider and talk to her about transitions. Your son just needs more time to adjust to the many transitions at school. He just can't pick up the toys with no notice and sit in the circle. He needs at least ten min. and three verbal ques to rimid him the time is comming to put away toys and sit in the circle. I would ask the school for the timetable for the day and I would make up little pictures for him to follow what comes next. I would cut them into little pages, laminate it and attach it to his belt buckle with a clip. Show him how he can look at the pictures and it will remind him what comes next. Also you can ask his teacher if he can be active in helping her. If it is music time they can allow him to set up the basket of music instruments or if it is project time he can get out the paints and put a piece of paper on each easel. I know this one works with my son. I would not however restrain him as it usually gets worse because you are touching them. Even though your son may be okay with tough normally children on the spectrum really hate being touched when they are pissed off. I use the term pissed off because it is worse than mad. They get like possessed and it can get scarry at times. I would provide a special place at home where he can go to take a sensory break. Kids on the spectrum usually have problems with sensory issues and it might do you a world of good after he goes to be to read the book "Out of Sync Child". Great book for understanding the various sensory issues of children on the spectrum. You can also apply for the MA card and get an aid to come into you home for a few hours a week. Also contact your local school district early intervention unit and they should provide you with resources. I know you really don't have a choice but to work, and I am sure if you did he would not be in daycare. Please don't feel guilty, you can only do what you can for your child. okay. Have a talk with your little man and tell him you know it must be hard for him and you will help him. Sometimes they are just confused because they don't know what these feelings are. I would not take away toys at the moment. I would just change the way you are functioning at home. YOU have to plan you time. Give him lots of ques "dinner is almost ready so-n-so, do you want to be a big boy and help mommy put the forks on the table?" Almost time to put the

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 10:21am

Stephanie,