The joys of reading :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2006
The joys of reading :)
8
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 12:59pm

Last night we were in the garage and Nick caught sight of the bumper sticker on dh's car "I love someone with autism" and started to read it. This child reads everything, but got caught on the word autism.

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Christine

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2005
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 2:03pm

I'm big on disclosure, but admittedly my kids were older when we got their dx. One thing the AS speaker Deborah Lipsky said when I heard her speak was that she's a proponent of early disclosure from parents. Her view was that you want the child's first exposure to the word autism to be delivered with a positive perspective, rather than having the child accidentally overhear someone talking about autism in a negative way and forming a negative association about who they are if they have autism. Or, if your child figures out what autism is, and realizes you don't want to talk to him about it, he may think there's something wrong with being autistic.

If your ds is learning to read, it probably won't be long until he figures out what the bumper sticker really says and wonder about its meaning.

If you choose to disclose his autism to your ds, I wouldn't make it a big deal. With my kids, we know other people with disabilities in the neighborhood, so we just pointed out how some people are born with challenges (can't hear, can't see, etc), and so were dd & ds born with challenges. They have something called autism which makes their brain sometimes think differently than other people. It's what made them learn to read and be so smart at such a young age, but it's also what makes them trip and fall more often, get frustrated more easily, etc.

Fortunately the neighborhood acquaintances are also accomplished individuals (for instance, the blind boy sings with a touring group and used to swim on the swim team), so we were able to talk about how AS might make their lives more challenging sometimes but they could still do anything they wanted. We acknowledged the negatives, pointed out the positives, and explained that we will help where we can.

I just pulled out my book by Kathy Hoopmann, "All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome" and tried reading it to my 4.5yo NT dd to see whether it might be good for your ds. It was a bit advanced for my dd, but she still liked the pictures and understood some level of what it was talking about. I like the positive spin it puts on AS. It also provides and opportunity to discuss how all people are different (different genders, races, intelligence, body types, etc) and how we should be respectful of feelings of and be kind to EVERYONE.

One other thought, if your ds knows he has AS, he may better understand why you/teachers want him to do certain things, like wear the weighted vest. He may still decline to wear it since it makes him different, but if he understands its purpose, maybe some days when he's feeling particularly poorly, he may opt to wear it to feel better?

Sorry if I'm pushing disclosure too much when that's not really what you wanted. I'm sure it's a difficult spot to be in, wanting to protect your ds as long as possible but knowing he's getting to smart for it too last forever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 4:36pm

I'm with the early information on autism side on this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 6:05pm

Funny we are going through this too....we have decided to just start telling him. He has never asked what the word was for, and does not act like he knows he is different, but I was wondering if on the inside he feels he is different.


My dad sent us two books which I love both about Asperger syndrome for him. One is really simple and just describes things like " sometimes noises are too loud," and it has a cute cartoon boy. At the end it says how he is cool...e.tc....we read it to our son once and he just was like "aspergers, what is that word ? " he didn't seem to catch on at all....LOL...we were like "hint,hint."


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2006
Wed, 04-23-2008 - 1:48pm
Thanks for your thoughts! We had a little chat about the vest last night and he doesnt want to wear it because he *is* embarassed and he says his friends laugh at him.

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Christine

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-1998
Thu, 04-24-2008 - 1:39pm

We told Chris (now 15) about his Asperger's when he was 6 (shortly after diagnosis).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-24-2008 - 7:19pm

"To not speak of autism is to make it something unspeakable" is really a motto I believe and live by. Ask Candes! She has known me a long time. I made her add it to the APOV logo since that is one of our mottos. I really don't want my kids to think there is anything about them that is "unspeakable". I don't want them to think there is something bad or wrong with them that I don't want to discuss.

I treat autism in much the same way I would topics of adoption or sex. I discuss it openly as the kids are ready and ask questions. We have reading materials and even workbooks (Autism, what does it mean to me) around for when they are ready and show an interest. I have books for siblings too. It can be a pretty frequent conversation here at times and not frequent at others.

I did try having one of those sit down conversations with cait around 6 or 7 but it was useless. Her language skills were SOOOO not there yet and she really had no clue what I was trying to communicateI found out later when I thought she knew and understood and she was still clueless, like the conversation had never occured.

It is a life long learning process for the kids to discover what autism is, what aspergers is and how it affects them individually. I am also big on the individualism. Just because many autistics may say this or that doesn't mean that is you. Each persons experience is unique (keeps them from using it as an excuse, lol. Excuse is not allowed)

So basically at a young age we go with "it is a different way your brain works. It makes you really really good at some things but it can make some things harder (specific examples). There are lots of good books too,

HTH

Renee

Disney08

APOV on Autism
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2006
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 10:06am

Hi Renee,


Your words of wisdom always help :).

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Christine

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 1:00pm
I really need to "disclose" to my 10 year old daughter with AS, we haven't said anything yet.


 


Mich