Saturday's Surprise: Open the Envelop...

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Registered: 03-25-2003
Saturday's Surprise: Open the Envelop...
35
Sat, 05-18-2002 - 11:17am

Saturday's Surprise: Open the Envelope (m)


Write a short story (1,000 words or less) that begins and ends with the same sentence.

Happy writing,

Mac

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Avatar for jadetigerroses
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Sat, 05-18-2002 - 11:35pm

My SS Nathan and Tori


~~~~~~~~Nathan and Tori ~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh Tori, don’t leave me now!”

Her motionless body under the 4-wheeler ripped his heart to shreds. Nathan lifted the bike off of her and gave it a hard push. Nathan covered her with his coat, trying to remember all that he had learned in first aid. He grabbed the cell phone out of his coat and shakily dialed 911. He looked up at the damaged 4-wheeler, then her, tears streamed down as she called out his name.

“Nathan, where are you?”

“Right here Tori, Shh, don’t move baby.”

“What happened?”

“Tori you were driving fast and hit a ditch and caused the bike to flip and it landed on you. Help will be here soon, so please don’t move.”

Nathan held her hand as the ambulance slowly pulled up with the lights flashing. Time stood still as the paramedics ran to them. She just had to make it. He let go of her had as the paramedics checked her over. A cop arrived and took him to the side to get a statement.

***

Sgt. Duffy seen the fear in the teen’s eyes and tried to help the boy. “What’s your name son?”

“Nathan Jordan”

“Who is hurt?” Duffy asked with concern.

“That is my girlfriend… Tori Smith,” as he looked over at the people gathered around her, “is she going to be ok?”

“They are doing all that they can for her. Ok can you tell me what happened here?”

Nathan had told the whole story and had even showed him where the bike had landed. Duffy heart went out to boy as he watched him sit down on the ground and buried his face in his hands.

*** The vision of Tori and the bike tumbling; haunted Nathan over and over again. He prayed to anyone that would help his Tori. Nathan had wished that he had been the one to flip.

A blood curdling scream shattered the muted silence. Tori was fighting the paramedics.

“NATHAN!! Help me!”

He started to go to her as the cop held him back, stating, let them do their job son. Over and over she cried out to him, the frustration got to him as he shrugged the cops hand off his shoulder and ran to her.

“Shh, Tori, they are trying to help you.” Tears streamed downed both there faces.

“Nathan, I can’t take any more of this.”

“Yes, you can, don’t say you can’t that word is not in your vocabulary. You are a fighter Tori; I will not give you up.”

A strange voice was heard saying, “We need to get her to the ER now!”

The paramedics rushed her to the vehicle. The voice then called to Nathan to get in. He sat in the back holding Tori hand.

“You are the hero; if you did not call she would have never had a fighting chance.” One of the medics said as he tried to start an IV line.

The trip flew by as they rushed her in and took her straight to surgery. Nathan kissed her quick and told her that he loved her. He watched as the gurney, disappear down the hall.

Nathan fell to his knees in the middle of the hall. “Oh Tori, don’t leave me now!”

Have a mystical day,

Jade

Please Pray and Support O

Avatar for countrygal23
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-19-2002 - 12:58am

My SS.....Geez


Hi all, I’m trying out some country flavor, so please tell me what works or doesn’t. thanks, Maria

Geez, these bales are heavy Melisa thought as she put a square bale of prairie hay onto the hay elevator. The small motor hummed as the rusty chains turned sending the bales up to the hayloft. Her shoulder length, brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail while her Drink Milk, tee shirt stuck to her, thanks to her body sweat. Faded Levis protected her legs from the bristle stems sticking out of the compacted hay, wrapped with bale wire and each weighing fifty to sixty pounds.

“Hey Melisa, need some help?” Shane asked.

She gazed at the trailer holding seventy of those bales and answered, “Sure,” then smiled, “Where is my lazy brother, Adam?”

“He’s finishing up the milking and then getting a snack.”

Melisa watched Shane as he lifted the bale, noticing his tan muscular arms as he placed it on the elevator. He was putting on three bales for every one that she managed to place. He’s just showing off she thought what’s with guys and their egos. Just because he was the most popular guy in the senior class and all the girls drooled over him.

“Are you going to help or just stand there?” Shane asked before lifting another bale.

She blushed then said, “I think that I will take a break.”

“Wimp!”

Melisa started to say something then the chains stopped moving. “It’s jammed. I’ll fix it,” she said as she climbed up the twenty-foot elevator.

She hoped that her rear wasn’t sticking out as she gripped the side rails and gingerly stepped to the bale that had went sideways causing it to be jammed.

She was close to the square doorway of the barn loft when she felt the bale moving forward. Shane had climbed up the ladder to the hayloft in the barn. He was leaning forward and he jabbed a hay hook into the bale. He was pulling it forward and she was holding on too which meant she was being propelled forward also. Melisa fell onto the dusty floor. She coughed and heard laughter.

“Nice job daughter!” her dad said.

“Cool Mel, you’re stupid!” said her younger brother, Andy.

Melisa stood and brushed herself off. She glared at Shane. “Thanks for making me look like a fool!”

He scanned over her pouty mouth; “You didn’t have to hang on.”

“Bite me!”

Shane darted towards her so she sprinted away hiding behind some stacked bales. Melisa watched as he chased after her. He caught her in a strong grip and then he bit her on the arm.

“Ouch!” she said before punching him in the chest. Shane picked her up and they fell onto three bales. Melisa glanced into his brown eyes as he lowered his head, leaned in and brushed his lips onto hers. She played tag with his tongue and ran her hands through his hair. She felt him pull away.

“Would you go to prom with me?”

Melisa raised her eyebrows. “ Are you serious? I know at least five girls waiting for you to ask them.”

She watched as he stood up and took off his shirt shaking off the loose hay. Melisa’s eyes traveled over his muscular, tan chest to his lean waist. He finger combed his wavy, black hair. She couldn’t believe that he had really asked her she thought before asking, “Why me? I have to ask.”

“Because stupid, I happen to like you, okay? So will you or not?”

Melisa sneezed twice before she answered, “Yes, I’ll go with you,” she said flashing him a dazzling smile.

“Hey, you two, breaks over,” she heard Adam yelling as he came into the loft.

Geez, these bales are heavy Melisa thought.

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Avatar for countrygal23
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-19-2002 - 1:07am

I like it!! Great start (m)


To an intriquing story. Are you going to expand this? four wheelers are fun but sometimes very dangerous. I love mine but I've had some close calls.

would love to read more....maria

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Avatar for jadetigerroses
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Sun, 05-19-2002 - 2:06am

Oh I had a 3wheeler once....


and lets just say I was going a tad to fast and hit a pothole and I flew shoulder first into a corner post that was a railroad tye(? don't know if that is the right spelling) and broke my collar bone. They are fun but dangerous... My hubby has a bunch of stories that deal with those... He is lucky to tell them.

I might continue this in the future but who knows.

Thanks for reading my SS.

Hugs,

Jade

Have a mystical day,

Jade

Please Pray and Support O

Avatar for jadetigerroses
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Sun, 05-19-2002 - 2:15am

WOW....(m) 2 thumbs way way way up!


You got that good old country charm right on. I remember stacking those square bales till the front of my jeans looked a fuzzy sweater, all frayed and tattered. We never had a hay loft we stacked all of them by hand. 9 of us 3 girls and 6 guys mmm six sweaty, tanned men with bulging muscles. Oh those days!

You did a wonderful job on this. I love it! It brought back old memories!

Jade

Have a mystical day,

Jade

Please Pray and Support O

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sun, 05-19-2002 - 12:05pm

Sad...m


I'm glad that Torie sounds like she's going to make it. Sammi

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sun, 05-19-2002 - 12:11pm

I Like Country...m


And this seemed real to me. So is this from your youth or fiction? LOL. The only thing I noticed was that you had some punctuation missing, but other than that, this was a fun read. Sammi

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sun, 05-19-2002 - 12:27pm

SS: Curious Goeff


Geoffrey scratched his butt, whiched hitched the leg of his striped overalls just a bit, spit out a wad of tobacco juice, then mumbled, "Yep, looks like motor problems to me."

"You think?" Gale looked at his grandfather, exasperated at his lack of skills with cars. "Sorry, Grandpa, it's just that this thing breaks down more than it runs."

"Yep, that's them new-fangled motors for ya." Geoffrey scratched his balding head, and peered in at the motor again.

"Grandpa, this Oldmoblile is twenty years old." Gale ran a hand through his short, blonde hair as he pulled in a deep breath.

"Well, standing here ain't gonna git this fixed." Geoffrey reached into his front pocket of his overalls and produced an open-end wrench.

"Thanks, Grandpa." Gale took the wrench and fastened it on the radiator hose and twisted it. Steam hissed out just as he stopped turning the wrench, then he turned towards Geoffrey. "I think we should call somebody who knows how to fix this before it blows water sky high."

"I think you're right, son." Geoffrey scratched his butt, whiched hitched the leg of his striped overalls just a bit, spit out a wad of tobacco juice, then mumbled, "Yep, looks like motor problems to me."

Avatar for jadetigerroses
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Sun, 05-19-2002 - 4:19pm

Oh that is Cute Sammi! (m)


Sounds like like one of those old mechanic!

Great job

Jade

Have a mystical day,

Jade

Please Pray and Support O

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 05-19-2002 - 8:59pm

Don't stop now (m)


This one has a lot of potential to expand and if you decided to do so please share it with us. I'm curious to see what happens to Tori and if her and Nathan come out of the accident changed.

Mac

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