Btdt disciplining older kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Btdt disciplining older kids?
7
Fri, 07-15-2011 - 3:08am
For those who have older children does anyone have experience with kids who don't respond to punishment? James doesn't respond at all to any that we have used and can stand in the corner time after time for doing something and go right back to it. Usually we can use positive reinforcement but days like today where he is completely out of control it seems the more we punish him the worse he gets ( today ended with him peeing all over him room and on his brother). As he gets older I'm afraid it will just get worse if we don't figure it out now.
Amy ideas?
Photobucketcenter><
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Fri, 07-15-2011 - 8:01pm
Well right now he has 0 toys. Every last one is locked up. He did good today and if come Monday he is still doing good he can pick 1 toy to get out. Next will be cartoons. Taking the farm away didn't work but the toys seemed to do something. I also made sure to tell him how happy I was that he listened to me and that I like it. I wish I could force myself to read the book Vanessa mentioned. I read most of "the happiest toddler" book and that helped stop the tantrums. I guess a little from each book might get us there. I need to find one for me too. To learn how to control my voice and stress. I know he feeds off me some of the time.
Photobucketcenter><
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2008
Fri, 07-15-2011 - 7:49pm
I have found resistance with taking away things too, but with my guy, once he gets past the defiant stage it starts to sink in. Maybe I watched too much dr phil at one time but I kind of agree with his strategy of making kids earn their priviliges and I continue taking things away until it sinks in. At one time, my four year old had no toys, no blankie, no trips outside of the house and only then did he realize he was losing the battle. He was literally down to a bed and a bare room- i even threatened to take away his Diego sheets and replace them with white ones. After that he slowly started listening and I gave his things back one by one as "rewards" now if he gets on a bad roll we just remind him of that time and he usually gets better. I know it seems like a harsh strategy but he is the type that if you let him get away with one thing it snowballs fast. It doesn't work for everyone but it helped us out.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Fri, 07-15-2011 - 5:26pm
I have made sure to be consistent and punishment is always time out unless he has done it multiple times then he goes to his room. Follow through hasnt always been my strong suit so I'm working on that. Last night I told him if he choose to not clean his toys up I would take them away and I did. He was shocked by this this morning but he was able to tell me why I took them away. I still need to work on my temper because at the end of the day it turns into a screaming match and that doesn't work.
I am going to talk to his dr in a few weeks when I take the baby in. It isn't an every day thing so I will keep working on rewarding positive behavior.
Photobucketcenter><
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Fri, 07-15-2011 - 12:52pm

Well I like the suggestion of seeing a counselor for him. Just to make sure nothing else is going on.

And I know I don't have experiance with older kids, and I'm gonna catch it for this, but I kind of look at child raising is like training a dog. You have to be consistant. Yep its hard, but they can't get away with something one day, and not the next. Its hard, and no way easy, but you have to do your best at it, or else they do get confused. KWIM?

I am reading Dr. Dobsons, A Strong Willed Child. It has given me a good outlook on what to do with Carolynn, and has helped greatly.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Fri, 07-15-2011 - 9:15am
Yesterday I took going to the farm away and that only made it worse. Almost like "I already lost the one thing I wanted so who cares now". Today he woke up and said " you really took my toys away" so maybe now that I took his toys and the farm he will figure out I mean it.
Photobucketcenter><
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2008
Fri, 07-15-2011 - 9:08am

I have a four year old who is pretty clever and actually chooses the consequence sometimes.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2007
Fri, 07-15-2011 - 3:51am

That is really tough. I have been there for sure! I wrote a really long response but then deleted it. I tried so many things, read so many books trying to find the tools to help my second daughter but eventually taking her to a behavioral specialist was the answer. They can help with so many different issues and they can help you find the cause behind the issue. The sooner you are able to obtain the tools you need to help guide your child through difficult situations the more success you will have with them. It is great that you are working on it now. All that said, not every kid with a defiant streak needs a cure, it could just be a faze. I hope you are able to find what works for you.

Tiffany

Mackay