Need some advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Need some advice.
10
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 2:09pm

Since the board has been dead, I figured I would post here, I hope no one minds :-)

I'm currently in the middle/end of my monthly mental break down. Things have been going good with the Pregnancy (Thank God!) but well things with Carolynn haven't been the easiest. We were doing good, and I got her sleep back to being "orginized." Then the grandparents visited. She didn't get normal naps for two days, and that screwed those up. Then she got sick (cough with a fever, but is better now.) She used to fall asleep in my bed nursing, and I would get up and leave. I'm actually proud we are still nursing, 17 months strong. Since being sick, she wants to continue to nurse while asleep, which I'm not good with. I don't want to give up the nursing, cause she still nurses for comfort, which I believe if the babies have the option its best. But I can't be a human pacifier anymore, at least at nap time. I really believe if Flounder wouldn't be on the way, I would be okay with this, but I'm starting to get worried, flip out, ect. ect. ect. I can't bring this up with my counselor cause she thinks I should be weaning Carolynn anyway, which I don't agree with. But I'm at a loss. If we weren't leaving for my parents in 21 days to go for two weeks over thanksgiving, I would give nap training a go again in her room. But I feel like we will get this worked out then it will get all messed up then we will have to do it again, then Christmas will happen and the IL's will visit then it will get messed up and then Flounder will be here, and all hell will break loose. How many times and I supposed to have this baby CIO. Dale has never been able to get her to sleep, if he goes in her room with her she just screams, so he gets upset. He tries and wants to be able to do it. I do all of the comforting, cause the comfort nursing. But we know we need to get him to do some of it before Flounder arrives. How do we do this? There has to be some balance, for all of us. I'm worried we aren't going to find it and I'm really gonna loose it. How have you found the balance at your house?

I know this is all conjumbled, and I'm sorry for that. I'm just at a loss, and need some guidance. I trust you ladies please help!!!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2008
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 2:40pm

((HUGS)) momma, that's rough! I can't give you advice on the nursing, as I was never able to.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2008
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 3:40pm

First off way to go on still bfing =) My advice would be to not nurse her to sleep.. I know you want to do it as a comfort thing but she needs to be able to sleep without eating. Including my mom use to do that with my sister until she was about 23months old and all her molars had to be capped because breastmilk is very sweet and sugary and can rot the teeth quick, so when she falls asleep nursing or wakes up and nurses and falls back to sleep the BM is coating her teeth and can cause decay. (you know i am not bashing you either i hope since we talk in FB and i would never bash you!!) Just working in family medicine i saw so many little ones with teeth decay and it is sad! I would nurse and put her down when she is awake, CIO might have to happen a little but you have done before, and if she wakes up during the night i wouldnt use nursing to put her back to sleep. With Flouder coming you do not need both babies waking to eat at night or you are going to be one exhausted mama~ Hope you find something that works!

Photobucket
Thanks Michelle!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 3:54pm
Thanks, Your right. Her sleep needs to come first, and tough luck to everyone else. DH does help with bed time routine, but for him to put her in bed, never has happened. And she really doesn't have any loveys other than me. We have on dolly, Zulu, that she sleeps with, but thats it. :-( Maybe we should try to get her a lovey.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 3:56pm
I know your not bashing me!!! Your being honest, and that is what I love about this board, we are honest with each other. And I never knew that about BM. I haven't been nursing her back to sleep at night, just naps. At night, even with her being sick she has been CIO, but we have been on the floor in her room :-( Unless its 5am then she comes to bed with us, so I can get more sleep :-) I think its time to stop that again.

I have no clue how this all got out of control, its really frustrating. I feel like we end up back at the same spot every three - four weeks.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2007
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 8:25pm

Hey Vanessa,

I hope things start looking up for you! The biggest piece of advice I can offer you is let your daughter CIO with her daddy! Emmalee was the same way, always needed mommy to do things for her! It got to the point that she would lose it if daddy even tried to put her to bed! When we were expecting Olivia there were a few nights that I was pretty much in tears sitting by her bed because I was so uncomfortable! You will be away from her the night you have baby for sure! As hard as it was for me, I let DH put Emmalee to bed! I hated hearing her cry and scream for her momma! It took a while but she learned that mommy was still there, and daddy WAS going to put her to bed! After that the fits stopped! DH has been doing a lot more with the girls in terms of caring for them when he is home since we don't want the same problem with Olivia when this baby comes! Hope Carolynn can let her daddy put her to bed soon, you deserve a break every now and then! WTG on still BFing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 9:48pm

Thanks for the advice. When Dale gets home from work tomorrow we are going to come up with a plan. We both agree we need a plan. So we will get one and start Monday night/day. We would come up with a plan tonight but my brother and SIL are staying the night. I'll keep everyone posted on how it is going!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2008
Sun, 10-31-2010 - 9:43am
My boys have always chosen their loveys and became very attached, so I don't know if giving her one will be the same though we did "encourage" our middle one to choose a more portable stuffed monkey as opposed to a giant puppy :) it helps a lot with the self soothing and once she becomes more independent she may choose one too, though not every kid does. As well, after a lot of repetition she will probably take to DH better too as she gets used to not being nursed to sleep.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 5:58pm

I am sure you came up with a plan already. I hope it all goes good for you tonight. When Russ started to help with bedtime James hated it. I would just go up with him so I was in the room but Russ did everything. After a few nights I would slip out sooner and sooner til I didn't even come to the room at all.

Photobucketcenter><
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2007
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 8:33pm

I hope you find something that works! It is so hard when they just want their mommies! Hang in there, whatever you decide to do will be best for her in the long run!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2005
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 3:18pm

I think DH has more trouble putting ODS to bed/soothing than I do , because he didn't get down in the trenches enough early on.

http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc248/gwennyc/b6yfcl.png<A href="http://s218.photobucket