We're moving AGAIN! & I feel guilty!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
We're moving AGAIN! & I feel guilty!!!!
9
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 11:08pm

Since the orginal EC for us had opened up, and by the time Thumper is 1 year and 1 month I will have moved THREE times!!! First from WA to PA, then to NJ now we are off to Mississippi. This move falls right around her b-day so we don't know if/when we will have her 1 year b-day party :-( Granted DH and I will at least get her a cup-cake for her Birthday, and let her eat that :-)


But I'm starting to feel guilty. I've never felt guilty being a military wife and moving all the time. But when we get to mississippi, Carolynn will have lived in 3 houses, by the time is a a little over a year old. I NEVER moved growing up, same house till I joing the service. I just worry cause its like she doesn't have a "home" like I had. I want her to have what I had, but also want the military experiance for her too. (Granted the only way to get away from the military is to get rid of her Daddy and I can't/won't do that :-)) Any suggestions to get over this guilt? I need to bring it up to DH, but I dont' want him to get upset by it, he moved all the time growing up. I just worry that she won't ever have that place that she calls home. KWIM?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 5:54am
Ive no experience of military life but from all you've talked about and your photos on facebook etc, you are a very family-centric person. You are proud of your DH and the military traditions he stands for and by the sounds of things you are eager to instill those values and a respect for your country in Thumper too. I truly believe home is where the heart is and even though she wont have a permanent home for a number of years like you did, if the things that are important to her remain the same, then I'm sure she wont have a problem. Maybe if her room is always laid out in the same way and if you have a little ritual to complete before the house is "home" it will make the transition easier.
I dunno if any of that made sense but really all I want to say is to try not to feel guilty. Once you are all together in a place filled with love and laughter, then that will be your home. Good luck with getting organised for the next big move and (((((HUGS)))))

Lilypie

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Photobucket Thank you vegiemama for my beautiful sig
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2008
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 8:42am
I completely agree with the PP.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2005
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 1:50pm
hey Vanessa! i just popped in over here and saw this...ITA with pp, home is where your heart is, so if you can create a space that is 'hers' but also i portable enough to take wherever you go, she will feel at home wherever you end up! we moved when Jas turned 2 and transitioning to toddler bed...i thought it was going to be alot harder on her than it actually was ;) we are about to go thru it all again, so we will see how it goes this time around! looks like it will be close to Teos bday, so i understand being stressed/bummed about that. if i were you, i would try to embrace the culture of area that you are in at the time...what a lucky little girl to experience the sights and sounds, foods, etc from all around the country! take advantage of the positives and keep your routines consistent and you will be fine <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 4:17pm
Thanks ladies I'm feeling a little better. maybe we can start a tradition that she packs her stuffed animals in a box, and will get to unpack them. I'm sure we could come up with somthing to make her feel part of the process. The worse part of this is, we will be moving again next year 2011, probably around Oct Nov time frame. Oh the joys...
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2010
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 8:27am

sorry mama;( i agree with everyone else tho, i think your mommy guilt is going to make is worse on you than it will be for her. if you make each move seem like a fun adventure than i think she'll be fine.

btw-- LOVE the new siggy:) such a pretty dress for a pretty little girl

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Lilypie First Birthday tickersbabies

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 8:46am

I moved a lot as a kid too but not because of military. I always felt like Home was where ever my family was. Still I feel most at home when I am at my sisters house. We always celebrate holidays there and it is where I know my family is. I think if you make it "home" Carolynn will too. I like the idea of always having her room the same or having special things for each house.

Now a days keeping in contact with friends you all will make is easier too. So now when she gets older she can keep those friends. Also Dale won't be military forever one day you will have a place to settle and when you do you can do the same rituals and them make it home. Even if she is a teenager at the time it will become home for her.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 11:29am

Thanks, Amy and Amy! :-)


I did talk to DH about it, and he looked at me like a deer looks when the head lights are shining on him. But like I said before, he moved a lot as a kid. I will talk to him about doing somthing that is her part to get ready for the move, and set up in the new house. and that be our ritual. Plenty of kids move all the time, and I know that, its just not what I did. I will get over it though, I know I will.


Now if we could just get the dogs on board, I think we would be good. :-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2007
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 4:19pm
No guilt! :)
We all do the best that we can with the circumstances we have been given. I would absolutely not bring this up with your DH. Military life is what it is and making your DH feel terrible about something he can't change is not a good move, IMO. I agree with the ppers about trying to create a sense of normalcy in unpacking certain special things first and trying to have her room keep a similar layout each move. It's also important to remember that she is young. She doesn't know anything other than moving and she is happy as long as she is with you. Good luck with everything and remember NO Guilt!!! It doesn't help anything.















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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2006
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 10:26pm
As someone who grew up in a military family and moved a lot (18 times in 18 years), I wanted to say her 'home' will be where her family is.
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