Let's talk about SEX, baby!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2009
Let's talk about SEX, baby!
22
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 1:00pm

Is there anyone here (that has the availability) who hasn't returned to some level of sex life?

Tessa


Mom to 6 kids and 3 angels!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2009
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 10:00pm
Bummer.

Tessa


Mom to 6 kids and 3 angels!



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 7:03am

Thanks Tessa and Kyla! You've both brought up great points and suggestions. Now I have to put them to use and do an update. Unfortunately, it's not going to be this week since Joe's finishing up his after school credits that are due this Friday. You'd never think that becoming a Harley-Davidson tech would be so scrutinizing! We're going on 1.5 years of 7 hours of school daily mon-fri with an hour drive to and from.... I'm over it! Now he's doing 2-3 hours of school when he gets home too. Oh well, these are the final weeks!

This past weekend was not so good in the bed department LOL. I did get a chance to communicate a little bit so I'm hoping for things to get put into motion very soon!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2009
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 7:39pm

Another way around ego i to make it his idea......... "did you tell me a while back that you wanted to (fill in the blank)?"


OR just in the midst of being in the throws of passion, whisper to him what you want him to do to you.... now.

Tessa


Mom to 6 kids and 3 angels!



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2008
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 3:56pm

Yah I think alone time is very important both in and out of the bedroom. With your situation I understand where it is pretty darn hard to do but there is time you just have to breathe and say "you know what I want some time for ME AND MY MAN!" I feel really bad when I say that and when I ask someone else to take care of Will just so I can go do whatever and have fun as an adult but when I sit and really think about it I know that if I dont do this then I am missing out on so much that I will want to look back on in the future when the kids are grown and its just me and Eric sitting at home in front of the tube. I have to tell myself and Eric to that me and him need that time to be adults and have nasty sloppy love makin WITHOUT the kids. Yes we have sex with Will in the room but it is different when its just you and him and the intimacy just takes over. Try and make time for you and your DF the both of you DESERVE it for what yall have been through and what yall have made it through!!!!


I have had to love myself from the inside out. I know that Eric loves my body whether I do or not, if he didnt he wouldnt be turned on by me and he wouldnt be with me. You have to find it within yourself to allow your DF to love you and your entirety. Of course we ALL could say we want this to be different about ourselves or that but in the whole scheme of the world that doesnt mean anything as long as we are loved and give the love to someone we are the sexiest people in the world :) Sorry if that doesnt make any sense.


HUNNY START THE INSTIGATING!!! He is probably waiting for it ;)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 3:06pm

Some people would say I am too! That's for sure! I love doing things that seem taboo! I wish I could get him to do that more. It's so weird because I'm shy and he is the most outgoing person, but when it comes to that, not so much!

I have never danced for him. When we first started dating, you know when you are all open about that kind of stuff and what you like, he said he liked to role play. I was like YES!!!! Do you know we have never done it? LOL All of this time has gone by and we've done nothing creative at all. I think it's time for me to make it happen. I'm very self conscious like you, I'm not sure if I could find it within myself to dance unless I have a couple of drinks or something! LOL

I'll tell you what, I literally found out I was pregnant 3 months into us dating. I was telling Tessa about this in the single mom thread, but I didn't have sex for 2.5 years after DD was born until I met Joe. I think we made up for the 2.5 years those first three months then I found out I was pregnant and all stress broke loose! He also started school around the same time. I think all of that is a huge reason why things went from exciting to somewhat boring really quickly. I actually feel really fortunate that things are going so well for how fast things went with us. If I could do it all over again, I would have taken things slower... but we are surprisingly doing very well considering everything we have on our plates. Time to spice it up! I really, really crave having time alone with him and I think that would help. We have been on 2 dates sans children since we met! That was a very hard dating process to skip for me, I needed that special time with him. I'm not saying I wanted to leave Brynn with people every weekend so we could go gallivant around, but I would have liked to go do one or two special things with him alone and I'm still waiting for those opportunities. I'm really hoping we get to do something special before we get married. I kind of went off topic.... but it does go hand in hand with having intimate time with him because we really haven't had much other than at home!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2008
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 1:57pm

Some people may say that I am a little freakish when it comes to sex but I enjoy trying new things and talking about the subject and everything about it. I think it is also liberating to be able to talk about it, to ask questions and to find out new info about it! There is ALWAYS something to learn!


It sounds like he likes the taboo of doing things at your inlaws. Maybe you can create a taboo like situation at your house. I know that we always find it fun to do things that seem kind of wrong *blush*


When you say that you have a toy that makes me think that he is not comletely close minded to things and stepping out of the box I think you are right I think you are just have to be like listen here hun, this is what we are going to do and how we are going to do it LOL.


Question- have you ever danced for him?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 1:35pm

You're awesome!! I will talk about it to, I love to. I think it's liberating to be so open and you are good at advice too! I think you are right, I just need to be more aggressive when it comes to it and try some new stuff. One of us has to be and I think he's too tired right now to be the one to initiate. I will have to try out your text idea and see what happens! For some reason when we go down to visit the IL's, he seems to get a lot more adventurous (probably because it's just something different). I like it because I know I can expect that. We are going down there this weekend probably for the last time to visit before we move down there. I'll definitely have to try some new stuff. :-)

We did buy this amazing toy at Fairvilla on Valentine's Day (the last time we had an hour or two without kids) and I love it! I don't want to get too graphic but you can both use it.... and it works like a charm. I think we've used it too many times though and need a new toy to throw in the mix!

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Registered: 08-04-2008
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 1:30pm
When I first did it I felt really really weird because I know I do not have the moves of a stripper or the body but DH loved it, he said that he liked to watch me move so i didnt feel so awkward after that :) Ya know I really dont know what I would do without my toys. There are times that I just have to be relieved and DH isnt up for it because he is tired or whatever and that is just something I HAVE TO HAVE so "george" does a great job *BLUSH* Eric also loves high heels and fish net. I am not sure what it is about them but i could walk into the room with just heels on and that does it. You arent kidding me, I always heard that men could do it all the time, well that was such a false statement lol DH is good for once maybe twice a day (if I am lucky) but he just doesnt have it in him to do it more than that. **In saying that, when I lived in Alabama and we only saw each other on the weekend we were like the last 2 bunnies left on this planet! But i think alot of that had to do with the fact that we both knew we werent going to get any for 5 days so we crammed 5 days of sex into 48 hours. :)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2008
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 1:25pm

Dh is tired ALOT so we dont do it as much because of that. He works long days so when he gets home and we slow down he is usually pretty pooped. DH is more experienced that I am and I will admit that I felt really silly when I couldnt do something that I felt I should know how to do but DH would act as if he wasnt too sure about how to do it either (when he knew exactly what to do) and we would "learn" together. You may be able to do that with your DH to get him past the ego thing.


Just because your DH "isnt used to that stuff" deosnt mean that he wont like it. You can always try it and if he doenst like it then you dont have to do it again. DH wasnt real big on toys and was a little more passive about the "out of the ordinary" sex because he was raised that way so one day I wanted to try something. While we was at work I went and bought my best friend "George" and when he got home me and "George" was waiting on him in the bedroom. He was automatically turned on because I was turned on and wanted to share this part of me with him. You can try sexting to. Just send him an inoccent text that says "do you want to play a game?" then tell him to guess which pair of panties you have on. that will get him excited and you never know he may like the idea of sexting and having to wait a period of time to be with you while also knowing that you want him too. DH and I have really worked on things, communication, experimenting and just having sloppy sex to get to where we are now, if you want someone to talk to just let me know I am always willing to talk about sex and the mechanics of the subject.

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Registered: 05-15-2009
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 12:41pm

I'd like things for us to be more like you guys! LOL I am... we'll just say, the one that has more issues than he does. I wish we could DTD 3 times a day, every day as well... I think DF's libido could handle that but doesn't just because he's always so stinkin tired from being gone all the time. I get upset that it's not more often and he is a lot more nonchalant about it. I would also like to take advantage of using some toys, sexting, and stuff like that... I don't think DF is used to that stuff. One day I should just send him a text! He is at school 8 hours a day for now though so maybe I shouldn't do that LOL. I could do it while he's at work though, I guess. We have a pretty boring sex life, not gonna lie. He is limited with what he can do because of his back (metal rod that runs through his spine from scoliosis). He can't bend certain ways and it hurts a lot so we result to me being on top 98% of the time and that's getting boring!!!

ETA: This is where our 8 year age difference comes into play... I'm a lot more experienced and a lot more open with communication. He takes it as a direct hit to the ego if I say anything so I'm not so sure how to get past that!

Edited 8/20/2010 12:43 pm ET by brynnderella_rulez




Edited 8/20/2010 12:44 pm ET by brynnderella_rulez

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