4 Yr. Olds... What's Normal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
4 Yr. Olds... What's Normal?
12
Wed, 09-01-2010 - 1:01pm

Brynn's board is not really that active anymore so I figured I would try to post this here first! I have been having some pretty bad behavior problems with Brynn again. This happened about this time last year and lasted a few months but now I'm getting worried that we've got some issues that I really need to work on before she starts school. I kept her out of VPK because we are moving in a few weeks and didn't want her to make friends for a few weeks and then pick up and move schools... I figure the move itself will be stressful enough for her. Even though she has been to the house we are moving to several times and she loves DF's parents, the transition will still be quite difficult on her I'm sure.

Anyway, she turns 5 in February. I guess I just need to know what's normal for her age? I've never been around any other 4 year old's other than my siblings and I can't really remember what was going on since I was a teenager by the time they were that age.

She is still having multiple accidents at night. I wake her up 2-3 times at night (I just do it every time Rhett wakes up or I have to pee!) and usually by the time I wake her up the first time when I'm going to bed, she's already had an accident. It's always been this way since she was PT'd. DF has been getting on me about working with her on it but I swear she just sleeps right through it! I have had many, many talks with her about coming and waking me up if she needs to go. I've given her flashlights because she said she's afraid of the dark. I've even put a potty seat in her room (the bathroom is right across from her doorway). I had her out of pull-ups for about a year and got really tired of washing the sheets and blankets every day so I just recently put her back in them. She also does not have anything to drink after 6.

Also, she does not seem to do anything on her own. I have tried teaching and showing her how to get dressed, how to wipe herself, how to entertain herself for just 10-15 minutes in her room so I can get something done... and she is just reluctant to do anything on her own. I have not babied this child, I do not know why we are having such a problem! It's normal to expect her to be able to take her clothes off and put clothes on by herself right? Also, wiping, I have put wet wipes in the bathroom, I have tried showing her and she just yells my name from the bathroom every time with it smeared up her back... sorry, but I am starting to wonder how the heck she will ever make it through school if she doesn't get a grip on these things now! I know that she is jealous of Rhett and that's part of the problem. I had a big talk with DF last night because he, too, has noticed that it's getting worse and not better. I told him at this point, I spend more time helping Brynn and doing things for Brynn than I do with Rhett. In other words, she consumes more of my time than he does!

I guess what would help me is what things do your 4 year olds do by themselves? I would like to start teaching her that she needs to be independent a little bit. She is a very difficult child... I'm starting to wonder if I made a mistake keeping her out of VPK.



Photobucket





Photobucket





Photobucket

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2009
Wed, 09-01-2010 - 2:25pm

My first thought is to put her in school.

Tessa


Mom to 6 kids and 3 angels!



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Wed, 09-01-2010 - 2:47pm

Thanks Tessa! That's exactly what I needed!

A couple of weeks ago, I started taking her to the Hobby Lobby and letting her pick out a project to work on each week. This past week we did the solar system... which was much more involved than I realized but we got it done! I always try to work on her project with her during Rhett's naps at least once a day. The week before that, we made a birdhouse. She definitely looks forward to spending one on one time with me so maybe I need to add some more of that... maybe an ice cream trip here and there. Also, DF has taken her to the movies a few times, just the two of them. I know once he's done with school, it will be a lot easier for us to do some more fun things with her.

So for accidents, I think what I will do is do exactly what you said. Have her drink the majority of liquids until 2 or 3 and then nothing but one drink with dinner at 5. I really have been letting her drink as much as she wants until 6. Maybe the inconvenience of having the bulk of her liquids earlier in the day will make her want to get up and go? Should I just scrap her flashlight altogether? She has one of those ladybug night lights that has stars on her ceiling, she can even carry it with her if she needs to see in the hallway (the bathroom is really only 3 steps away from her bedroom door).

I'm going to try the sticker stuff too. I will get everything we need and start it this weekend. I'm willing to try anything it takes! I want my time with her to be less frustrating and more enjoyable, because at the end of the day, I feel guilty with how frustrated she makes me sometimes. I know which school I want to put her in down in Ft. Lauderdale, maybe I just need to start contacting them now to see what I need to do so when we get there, she can start right away. I should have had her start here 3 weeks ago when school started, DF said I should have and that she would be fine but I have been overly sensitive to her having an issue with the move-- I think because I'm nervous as heck about it myself!



Photobucket





Photobucket





Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2009
Wed, 09-01-2010 - 6:14pm

As for the flashlight, you can leave it with her but now knowing how close the bathroom is, I say just leave the bathroom light on at night.

Tessa


Mom to 6 kids and 3 angels!



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Wed, 09-01-2010 - 9:00pm

It sounds like her bladder just isn't mature enough to make it through the night, and her body isn't making enough of the hormone that signals a full bladder to let her know to get up. One of my girls had a huge problem with it until very recently, and she is 9. It just mysteriously stopped on its own. On the other hand, my 7 year old was fine the minute she was day trained. My 3 year old still wets a lot as well. If it were me, I'd just keep her in pull ups at night until she is able to stay dry.

With the dressing, I agree with Tessa, that a reward system would work. Positive reinforcement, and things like "Rhett can't dress himself, but since you are a big girl you can" etc. Good luck. I found 4 to be a challenging age.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 12:18pm
Thanks Tessa so much for all of your help! I will let you know if anything works. I did used to have her help me take off the sheets and put the new ones on before I put her back in pull-ups. We do spank but I just can't bear to do it with the accident stuff because I'm not all too sure she knows that she's doing it. I've tried asking her if she wakes up when she pees and I've gotten about 10 different answers... you know how 4 year olds are! This morning's answer was that she wakes up but it's while she's going and it's too late.


Photobucket





Photobucket





Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 12:25pm

Thank you so much! I agree with the bladder thing. I wish I could just determine whether she is scared to get up and go or whether she is just sleeping through it! As I was telling Tessa, she gives me all kinds of answers when I ask her. You'd think though that after all of this time if she could control it, she would at least be trying to work on it.

She's got to go to get a check-up before school so I'm going to ask at her doctor's appointment too.



Photobucket





Photobucket





Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2009
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 1:49pm

Kristin, she may not really know the answer to why she is wetting the bed. I had a bedwetter too and we finally found out that he has a birth defect and it affects his bladder. She also may sleep so soundly that she just can't physically wake up to go. I wouldn't discipline her for wetting the bed as most likely she isn't doing it on purpose and it will just make her feel worse because it could be out of her control.

Karen

Scrapbooking at WiddlyTinks.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 3:22pm
Thanks Karen! At first I was giving her a hard time about having accidents but I haven't in a long time. I've just tried talking to her about it so I can possibly figure out what's going on. I could never punish her for it though, because my gut tells me that she has no idea she is doing it regardless of what she says. I think I'm going to get it checked out soon. Since we're in the midst of moving, I've got to start researching doctors.


Photobucket





Photobucket





Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2009
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 9:02pm
Let me rephrase my position..... I DO spank, just not for certain things.

Tessa


Mom to 6 kids and 3 angels!



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2007
Sat, 09-04-2010 - 9:42pm

Kristin we can actually compare notes on our kiddos. Miss Abby just turned 4 a month ago our girls are 6 months apart. Miss Abby has been acting up so BADLY for the past 2 weeks it's made me cry. I just want to know where my lil sweet princess went. She's been potty trained now since she was 2 has had maybe 3 accidents at night since then. She however, has reverted back to pooping in her pants. It's gotten a lot better this past month but, will have an accident 2-3 times a week. She will scream her lil head off for me to go and wipe her butt when she poops. Oh and I have to look at the big monster in the toilet,

Photobucket

Pages