Frustrated with DH - Advice?

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Registered: 11-05-2008
Frustrated with DH - Advice?
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Wed, 02-23-2011 - 11:24pm

To start, (though some here may disagree) I think I have the best baby every born and a pretty wonderful DH.

So, each week, I have a special day that is just me and Logan and DH has a day that is just him and Logan. The problem is that when I get home from work on his days, all I hear is griping about how difficult Logan has been. He doesn't want to play with me. He won't nap. He just spent all day fussing. He won't leave the (very little, delicate) dog alone. I will give him that since that dog goes to work with DH I am almost never alone with DS and the dog. However, I don't get the rest. My DCP and her family, and everyone else who has ever babysat him has commented on what a fun and easy baby he is! I know sometimes people sugarcoat things for the mom but still. I don't have difficulty with him 90% of the time. Sure he has some fussy times like any baby but they tend to be minimal. Now, he is our first child (and DH has never spent much time around any children of any ages) so we have little to compare but from all that I have heard he is truly easy.

Siggie

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Registered: 11-05-2008
Sun, 05-01-2011 - 11:04pm

Yeah! But I love mine and want him to be happy. I think he is one of the good ones and there are not a ton of those out there! :) I think when DS get out of the parallell play stage and more into the more play with

Siggie
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Registered: 04-16-2007
Sun, 05-01-2011 - 12:15pm
Men! They JUST don't always seem to quite get it, do they?

Tessa
Single Mom of 6 beautiful children and 3 angels........
CL to Single Moms, January 2010 Winter Wonders, and 2010 Playgroup Friends
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Registered: 11-05-2008
Sat, 04-30-2011 - 10:16pm

No, no dr but all around things are getting better. I am just busy. DH is too. The not forcing playtime would be great if asking DH to keep an eye on him while I showered or something didn't result in DH watching tv and DS just running around crying and looking for me. Even though I have said it I don't think that DH gets it that if his attention wasn't split between DS and the tv (or even more on the tv) that DS would not be running around looking for me because he would be having a good time with Daddy. He thinks if DS is not directly involved in a game with him (like catch or reading) DS isn't interested in his attention or spending time with him. He misses the fact that even if DS is doing something on his own, he keeps looking to check that DH (or I or whoever is taking care of him) is still there and seeing what he is doing. He doesn't realize that indirect interaction is still very important to DS.

Like I said they have been doing better together most of the time. Now when he has a bad day with DS it seems more like the normal, these happen once in a while kind of things. Either he is not at the top of his game or Ds isn't. Heck, I think we all have a frustrating day with the kid here and there, but for several months it was every time they were together.

For the record, DH and I have 1 day every other week that is just he and I while DS is at daycare, and alternate weekends we have family time for the weekend. But that is the extent of the days DH and I have off together.

Siggie
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Registered: 04-16-2007
Fri, 04-29-2011 - 12:42am
I'm glad everything seems to be going better. I know it can be stressful adding in a new baby into an already busy life. Did you get to the dr and get yourself taken care of? I hope you are feeling better!

Tessa
Single Mom of 6 beautiful children and 3 angels........
CL to Single Moms, January 2010 Winter Wonders, and 2010 Playgroup Friends
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Registered: 11-05-2008
Thu, 04-28-2011 - 11:09pm
Marita -

I agree whole heartedly! :)
Siggie
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Registered: 11-05-2008
Thu, 04-28-2011 - 11:08pm
That wouldn't work since literally DH gets home as it is time to do DS's bedtime. He would never see him if he took another 30-60 minutes to himself because then it would be 10 or 11pm before he was done with that.
Siggie
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Registered: 11-05-2008
Thu, 04-28-2011 - 11:06pm
Wow, I realize I dropped off and everyone is being so great here with the answers. Thank you. I think what I was really worried about was DH being depressed and that seems to have gotten better. Overall they are doing better. I think he took it to heart when I pointed out that when I get home all I heard about was how awful it was for him being home all day with DS. Since he has made more of an effort that even if there was some rough times he will tell me about some fun things they did and/or something adorable DS did. I know they are good together! :)

Thanks again!
Siggie
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Registered: 09-23-2007
Thu, 03-03-2011 - 12:35am

Hi Kristy, I really don't have much advise to offer and I'm so, sorry that you are having these issues with DH. I do have to say that you described my problems with DH to the T, with the exception of working as I don't hold down a paying job. It's really hard not to explode and I try my hardest not to, however, sometimes I just blow up at him, and

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Registered: 04-16-2007
Mon, 02-28-2011 - 12:54pm
And FWIW, I wouldn't force him into playtime.... that just sounds wrong. Instead, tell him you would appreciate it if he keeps an eye on your DS while you wash dishes, take a shower, or whatever. But set an amount of agreed time that he has after coming home after work for him to unwind before making demands on him. They usually seem to think that they deserve/need some time to chill after work before doing anything, though they think we shouldn't stop moving until bedtime. But knowing this and giving them a little bit of time (30 minutes to an hour should be good) after work usually works better.....

Tessa
Single Mom of 6 beautiful children and 3 angels........
CL to Single Moms, January 2010 Winter Wonders, and 2010 Playgroup Friends
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Registered: 04-16-2007
Mon, 02-28-2011 - 12:49pm
I read your other post first so I think I have a better idea of the situation. I think you first and foremost have to realize that you are easily provoked right now and that isn't helping anyone. Second thing to remember is that you and your DH are two different parents and he is going to have different ideas..... with that being said though, you might tell him that you hear that it is frustrating for him and offer to make him a schedule to follow, if he thinks that that would help. If he says yes, then follow through but if he says no, then accept that and tell him that right now you can't handle his complaining about your DS being fussy and that you need him to either minimize his complaining or find a schedule that works for him and DS to decrease everyone's stress level.

The third and fourth thing you need to do is make time for yourselves individually and as a couple. That will help with your depression and stress level.

After all of that, remember that the only one you can change really is yourself. So if none of the above works, learn to shut out his complaining, only screening his complaints for important details.

(((HUGS))) Hang in there! And go talk to your dr, even if you don't want to talk to them!!!

Tessa
Single Mom of 6 beautiful children and 3 angels........
CL to Single Moms, January 2010 Winter Wonders, and 2010 Playgroup Friends

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