Wail: Crap, the in laws

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
Wail: Crap, the in laws
6
Thu, 12-16-2010 - 10:52am

First, I know I don't come around much anymore. Sorry about that, but I really need to vent somewhere so I don't feel like a total beotch. We will be driving up to Iowa tomorrow to spend the holidays with our family. I was giving us a good two weeks this time so that we'll maybe have time to see everyone.

Now here's the vent. We always stay with our best friend Ben because he's a simple bachelor, his house is simple and fairly easy to childproof, he's clean, and has room. Recently he's gotten a live in girlfriend and I guess her great grandmother died the other day so she isn't feeling up to an invasion which is what I'm calling it because that is what we do. We have three kids, it's an invasion. So that leaves us at the inlaws.

Don't get me wrong, I love them to death. We both do, and they're the best grandparents I could have ever hoped for for my kids. They really are awesome. However, they are filthy people. We had to stop staying at their house because it was just too much. It reeks of animal urine which they say isn't that bad, that's just us being nitpicky. Our feet turn black from walking around on their carpet. Again, we're just a couple of neatniks, it's fine. Their downstairs bathroom is totally unuseable because they did a crappy job on their renovation and it now snows in the bathroom in the winter which leaves us with the only other bathroom, which is also filthy and full of mold and they didn't put the stops on the faucets which means you have to turn the water off just right and gage yourself if it's still leaking. The last time we were there it was 20 below outside and there were flies. Did anyone bother to investigate this? Of course not. So we did and lo and behold, his dad had been throwing his candy wrappers behind the couch like they would just dissapear if he did that and maggots were living there. Ugh. So we're going to get into town and totally insult them by bringing along our shampooer in the guise of "gift" and cleaning their effing house. Well, I say them but I really mean his mom. She gets pretty insulted when we do that which is also why we stopped staying there, but she's also more insulted that we prefer elsewhere. Last year she tried to guilt trip us into staying with them with the "it'll ruin christmas" argument. She half asses everything she cleans. An example is she was staying with us a few months ago and was trying to "help" with laundry. I cloth diaper and I keep a basket of dirty diapers in the laundry room. She needed a basket, so she folded all my clean laundry and piled it on top of the dirty diapers. Why? I ask you, why?!?

Why can't Ben's girlfriend just stay at her parents while we're in town? I know, I'm being totally selfish. I do plan on taking showers over there, though. I'll just do it when she's at work. And probably our laundry, too. I know she doesn't much like us because she's a nice mousey little good christian

siggy 2 Thanks Jill for the siggy!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2008
Thu, 12-16-2010 - 6:15pm

Ugh!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2008
Fri, 12-17-2010 - 1:07am

I'm so sorry.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Fri, 12-17-2010 - 12:59pm
Ugh! Good luck! I agree with Caryn, maybe try to split up the visit between the few different options you have of places to stay. I am the same way...a very neat person and although I am not perfect...I have 4 kids!....my house stays pretty darn clean! And if I am having company...OMG...I clean like a maniac! My SIL's house is like what you describe...a filthy mess..and they act like there is nothing wrong! Once we stopped by briefly to drop something off & my son who was 3 at the time said he needed to go to the bathroom. *oh no!!!* So, my nephew & I take him inside & we go to the bathroom. Filthy! The toilet is nasty...large brown ring in the bowl, no toilet paper, no hand soap.... My nephew is like "here it is!" like it is totally normal to have a dirty toilet bowl..... Good luck!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
Fri, 12-17-2010 - 9:15pm

Thanks all for the responses. Honestly I think our place is a mess, then we go to someone else's house and then we're like "oh, our house is fine".

It'd be great if they'd buy a clue and clean, but I know they won't. His sister has no idea how, his father is from the age of

siggy 2 Thanks Jill for the siggy!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2008
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 8:58pm
I just got back from staying with parents for a long holiday weekend. Not as extremely as the mess you describe above, but still way below my standards. They think it's perfect because they're not at all untidy. Everything is in its place (my father hates clutter and stands holding an open leaf 'n' lawn garbage bag for wrapping paper the entire time we're opening presents. Very festive, daddo!) But they never clean. Anything. It was 10 degrees outside with 5 feet of fresh snow, but somehow there were ANTS crawling around inside. I tried to explain that there's something very unnatural with ants living indoors in the winter and my stepmother just laughed at me. TMI, but I didn't shower for 4 days. It's not worth it. I went through a package of baby wipes just on myself lol. Also didn't put Ryan in that bathtub.

On the plus side, my amazing stepsister and her boyfriend came a few days before (mom and dad were out of town) and cleaned the bathrooms from top to bottom for our stay. I love that girl. So, at least the sinks & toilets were clean. The bathtub was clean the first day, but they have a 99% clogged drain so after the first shower, there was back-up filth/hair halfway up the side of the tub.

There are some other really gross things, but I feel too disloyal to disclose them here lol. We normally stay at my stepsisters - it was easy before because DH and I weren't married and my dad wouldn't let us share their only guest bedroom - but I figured that for the first visit with their grandson I HAD to stay with them. Next time is a different story!

I'm jealous that your in-laws entertain your kids all day long. I asked my SM to hold Ryan while I peed and I heard her telling my dad while I was in the bathroom, "I just want to read my paper and drink my coffee." Well, so sorry!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Thu, 12-23-2010 - 3:12am

My home is nowhere near my mother's standards...she'll say my house is disgusting when I know it's not. So I don't scrub down the tub every week - but the dishes, laundry and main things are done. But at my mother's place you could eat off the floors and she scrubs toilets, tubs, wall, etc every week. With guests, she goes even further. So...the first things she does at my house is start cleaning. She tells me that she's doing it for me and that she likes to do it. I know that's not entirely true - but also know that she isn't going to be comfortable at my home until it's done.

So maybe you could clean out the room you are staying in - definitley check for maggots (gross!!) and clean the bathroom. Is your DH handy at all? Maybe he could get his dad to do a project together and fix the other bathroom so you can use it. That way you have a bedroonm and bathroom clean for you to use :) You can always tell her that you want to do it as a thank you for xmas...maybe even give her a xmas coupon for house cleaning, LOL.

Dee