Is it rude when people ask what names you're considering?
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Is it rude when people ask what names you're considering?
| Mon, 04-11-2011 - 10:47pm |
I've always considered it rude to ask an expecting couple what the potential names are, and I never ask this question when a friend or acquaintance is pregnant.
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Melissa
It doesn't bother me in the least bit. I don't solicit opinions from others on my names generally (although I have in the past when i was down to a couple names ... and I only asked one or two close friends).
But if it bothers you, then I think it would be irritating. I don't generally care if people touch my belly either (and I know that drives some people crazy).
But I hate when people think I need to sit in a chair (can't stand or sit on the floor) just because I'm pregnant. Generally hate being treated like an invalid.
So I think everyone has their pet-peeves.
My in-laws are doing the same thing to me and it's driving me crazy.
It doesn't bother me if people ask but I agree, if you have said you don't have any names then they shouldn't push further. Maybe telling them you have some names but are keeping it a surprise will stop them. I have the same issue with my mother - when I told her we were naming our DS Oliver, she said 'oh, that's so old fashioned and English' then when I told her we might name this one Cooper she said 'oh that sounds like a place rather than a name'. I have dismissed her comments because when I ask her what she would suggest I don't like any of the names she picks anyway but at least it gives her a feeling of having had some say in it, even if it does end up being Cooper!
Luckily, our family hasn't been rude about expressing their naming concerns to us. I'm certain that each name hasn't been 100% with them as not everyone exclaims "oh, that's perfect," or "I love it." But tough nuggies! You name you kids what you want and I'll name mine what I want.
I do have some relatives that are being obstinate about one thing though. We're naming our son James Quinn. We told relatives we'll call him James or Jimmy, but not Jim. Some of them told us "you know he's just going to be called Jim anyways especially if you fight it" or "I'm just going to call him Quinn or JQ." Sigh. I told them if they are going to call my son not by his name then we were going to stop using their proper names.
People need to mind their own business. Wanted to name your kid that? Well, you should have had kids before me. Don't like that name? Too bad, you're not my partner, so you don't get a vote. Want to call him something other than the name I give him? That's fine, but we're calling you Auntie Bertha now.
You know, I'm not sure I consider it rude. I guess I don't consider it rude.
However, I find it a little more irritating when my husband and I aren't sure on the names ourselves, because I think our opinions are easy to sway at that point.
I don't really consider it rude for people to ask, I mean it's kind of inevitable. But it is absolutely rude to push if someone says they're not sharing. I've had more luck saying that we've talked about some names but that we're not naming our daughter until she is born. People seem to respond better to that line of thinking for some reason (and it's true, I don't feel comfortable naming our baby until we meet her).
It's also absolutely rude to criticize another's name choice. People simply don't think before they speak in this area... or don't realize how hard it can be to decide on a name (& how painful it can be to have the name you finally choose ruined for you by someone else's thoughtless off-handed comment).
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