Is it rude when people ask what names you're considering?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2008
Is it rude when people ask what names you're considering?
23
Mon, 04-11-2011 - 10:47pm

I've always considered it rude to ask an expecting couple what the potential names are, and I never ask this question when a friend or acquaintance is pregnant.

baby

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Nope, DH and I also can't stand it. We've told people we've got a list and and are thinking about it. Now that we know we're having a boy we say we've picked the name but we're not sharing it. Some people are pushy and I just say that we don't want to deal with the comments from our family so we're not telling anyone until the baby is born and named. By then most people are smart enough to keep their mouths shut! :)

Melissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2006
This is probably one of those personal issues ...

It doesn't bother me in the least bit. I don't solicit opinions from others on my names generally (although I have in the past when i was down to a couple names ... and I only asked one or two close friends).

But if it bothers you, then I think it would be irritating. I don't generally care if people touch my belly either (and I know that drives some people crazy).

But I hate when people think I need to sit in a chair (can't stand or sit on the floor) just because I'm pregnant. Generally hate being treated like an invalid.

So I think everyone has their pet-peeves.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2010

My in-laws are doing the same thing to me and it's driving me crazy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2010

It doesn't bother me if people ask but I agree, if you have said you don't have any names then they shouldn't push further. Maybe telling them you have some names but are keeping it a surprise will stop them. I have the same issue with my mother - when I told her we were naming our DS Oliver, she said 'oh, that's so old fashioned and English' then when I told her we might name this one Cooper she said 'oh that sounds like a place rather than a name'. I have dismissed her comments because when I ask her what she would suggest I don't like any of the names she picks anyway but at least it gives her a feeling of having had some say in it, even if it does end up being Cooper!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
I don't usually like to share names we are thinking of because I don't want someone else to use them too. I know that sounds silly, but DH and I work hard to find suitable names for our kids. When we finally decide on a girl's name and a boy's name we still don't tell anyone usually until after we find out the baby's sex. And even then, we just tell them the name we're going with.

Luckily, our family hasn't been rude about expressing their naming concerns to us. I'm certain that each name hasn't been 100% with them as not everyone exclaims "oh, that's perfect," or "I love it." But tough nuggies! You name you kids what you want and I'll name mine what I want.

I do have some relatives that are being obstinate about one thing though. We're naming our son James Quinn. We told relatives we'll call him James or Jimmy, but not Jim. Some of them told us "you know he's just going to be called Jim anyways especially if you fight it" or "I'm just going to call him Quinn or JQ." Sigh. I told them if they are going to call my son not by his name then we were going to stop using their proper names.

People need to mind their own business. Wanted to name your kid that? Well, you should have had kids before me. Don't like that name? Too bad, you're not my partner, so you don't get a vote. Want to call him something other than the name I give him? That's fine, but we're calling you Auntie Bertha now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2010
I seriously hate this,too. It's a contributing reason to why we didn't find out the sex this time. It's easier to not have a name when you don't "have" a gender. I also like to make up names, because some people feel uncomfortable not having something to call the baby. We're calling ours Tron. We're also not planning on deciding on a name until the baby is born. I like keeping the naming excitment alive. We have ideas and discussions, but we don't share the ideas with anyone and our final answer doesn't come until B-day.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2007

You know, I'm not sure I consider it rude. I guess I don't consider it rude.

However, I find it a little more irritating when my husband and I aren't sure on the names ourselves, because I think our opinions are easy to sway at that point.

 BabyFetus Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2008
Us too. DS #1 was "Little Wendol" and this one has been "Bean."
baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2010
Ugh. All of these stories are prime examples of why I refuse to discuss names with anyone other than dh. I don't want other people's opinions! It's our child!

I don't really consider it rude for people to ask, I mean it's kind of inevitable. But it is absolutely rude to push if someone says they're not sharing. I've had more luck saying that we've talked about some names but that we're not naming our daughter until she is born. People seem to respond better to that line of thinking for some reason (and it's true, I don't feel comfortable naming our baby until we meet her).

It's also absolutely rude to criticize another's name choice. People simply don't think before they speak in this area... or don't realize how hard it can be to decide on a name (& how painful it can be to have the name you finally choose ruined for you by someone else's thoughtless off-handed comment).

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