Let's Discuss Visitors for the Baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2008
Let's Discuss Visitors for the Baby
11
Wed, 06-15-2011 - 8:42pm

A friend of mine became a grandmother today, and I am Facebook friends with her daughter as well as several other members of the family, so I've been seeing tons of pictures and posts about the new arrival.

baby

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2008
Wed, 06-15-2011 - 8:58pm
I wasnt like this at all.. I did prefer that no one be able to just find out what room I was in.. just for privacy..but after that I had a few people come hold the baby and never felt that I had to worry abou thim getting sick (hand sanitizer was a definite tho) and he has been a healthy boy :) - everyone has thier own preference tho
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Wed, 06-15-2011 - 9:01pm
This is so funny b/c I feel EXACTLY the same way and DH thinks I'm a little too mean about it. Our hospital has the maternity floor on lockdown, you actually can't even get past the teeny hallway outside of the elevators without permission from the nurses (there's a phone you pick up to call, say who you're visiting, etc). Needless to say I told them I didn't want anyone connected to my room nor did I want anyone who intended to visit me allowed on the floor!

I would prefer to have zero visitors for at least two weeks. There's no way we could push it past that. I'm hoping no coworkers show up at the hospital (and I don't think they will) and I'm planning on probably doing some sort of open house once he's maybe a month old so people can come meet him if they want. Otherwise, I'll have to see how we can avoid people in the short term.

My mom will be flying out the week he's born but other than that, I don't want anyone around. I agree that especially at the hospital, and even the first little bit home I'll already probably look like crap, be trying to figure out BFing and handling a newborn and I don't want visitors (even well meaning ones) on top of it.

Melissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Wed, 06-15-2011 - 9:03pm
I'm not so much of a germ concerned mother about it. Though I am. I don't want visitors because I just gave birth!!!! Hello! Vagina, surgery, breast feeding, hormones, bleeding. It's called get out of my face. This is such a private and intimate time too. I'll take my DH and just born child at the hospital, no one else.

That being said, our parents both sets, live out of state. They're planning on coming to the house to visit right after Jimmy is born, but I'm also comfortable asserting myself. Every one washes their hands. When I want to hold him, I hold him. And parents are the only ones visiting. Don't bring gifts or food as a ticket into seeing my just born child. Send me a message on facebook, text or email. Heck, I don't even answer my cell phone and the one super annoying friend who found my hospital and room number to call my last time spoke to DH who told her that I didn't want to talk to her. Or anyone.

Really. I don't invited people to my pap smears. Please don't come to my birthings.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Wed, 06-15-2011 - 9:56pm
We had immediate family come meet DS. However he ended up going to the NICU and didn't really have visitors after the first few days. My grandmother was really the only one we allowed to come back since she lives in FL. This time I'm sure we'll have our immediate family come again to visit. They were all pretty good about leaving us alone, except because he was in the NICU they did call to make sure we were ok and DS was ok. But once at home they would just leave a message to say hi and let them know when we would be ok with visitors and they would wait.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2009
Wed, 06-15-2011 - 10:11pm
I guess I am not too worried about being out and about with a newborn, though generally I'm not out and about with him before two weeks simply because I am recovering from childbirth. I will probably worry even less this time since it will be summer. That said, I really cannot imagine what you described about your friend who just became a grandmother. When I was expecting my first, I was charmed by the idea of the way his family gathered around his sister for her son's birth a year before. My dh and SILs slept in the waiting room waiting for the birth. It was a family event and it seemed rather magical... until I found myself just having given birth (thankfully they arrived AFTER the birth) to my son in the middle of the night with no sleep and a crowd of LOUD inlaws plus my own family (who at least knew better and could see how worn I was and started making their way out)...topped off by the moment when I tried to get my dh to bring my son so I could see him (yes, I had not yet held him) and my MIL blocked me from getting his attention and declared he was holding him for the first time, and my mouth about dropped open: and why should he not be holding MY SON in reach of HIS WIFE! at the very least! This was a moment that should have been my dh's and mine, and it was destroyed by a bunch of inconsiderate brats who would not go for another three hours. (I gave birth at 2:30 am and they left at 5:30 am and came back at 7:30am... So... um, I am totally with you on this. I just gave birth. I dont want a party being held in my hospital room. With my second, I limited visitors (but did not exclude MIL & FIL, only to find myself hours after giving birth in the middle of a drama with MIL capped with my FIL angrily raging at me - causing a nurse afterwards to tell me that they could play the badguy for me and inform anyone that I chose that hospital policy required them to leave or not be admitted... hm. That's what I did the last one... I banned them. It was heaven)! Anyway, I am doing that again this time. No visitors in the hospital except supporting persons (ie caregivers for my kids). Limited visitors after the birth at home. It is blissful. I wish that I could accommodate my inlaws, but they do not seem able to respect the preciousness of the moment and what I feel is the special bonding of parents, siblings and newborn. I don't allow anyone in who cannot respect that, anymore. It is not about seeing a baby... it is about the first moments of raising a child. I recommend anyone who is doing this for the first time. Drama in your hospital room is not something you want as a forever memory of the first moments of your child's life. River
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2011
Wed, 06-15-2011 - 10:49pm

My first little guy I dont believe we had anybody visit except for a lactation consultant, my mom who lived out of town at the time went directly to our house instead of the hospital. With my second My SIL was in the delievery room with us, and that will be a big big big NO NO NO this time I cant stand her and I was pissed that she wouldn't go away. I had a hard time talking so I couldnt kick her out by myself, DH didn't realize that it bugged me that much, this time however he knows lol.

My mom, MIL, and SIL and SS came to visit, when my younger boy was born I believe it was at the time of the SARS

Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Thu, 06-16-2011 - 12:34am
I will also be opting for the privacy option (as I did last time), but my reason is for L&D and not for postpartum. DH and I were living with ILs when we had DS1 and we had NO privacy. I had to be induced for high bp and we didn't tell them because we knew MIL would not respect our wishes to stay the heck away from the hospital until we called to tell them the baby had been born. We didn't want her to be able to call the hospital and ask if I was there.

As far as once the baby is born, I would actually love visitors. Pretty much only my immediate family came last time and it hurt my feelings. Everyone I have ever known to have a baby goes home with flowers/stuffed animals/balloons...I got nothing. I know that sounds totally ridiculous and self-centered and petty, but I was sad that no one visited me and/or brought me anything.

I must be less of a germaphobe than you. I make people wash their hands or use hand sanitizer before the hold the baby when he's really tiny (and if people are sick, they're not welcome), but I'm not afraid to take him to the store or anything. No one has ever tried to touch my baby in public, maybe I'm just lucky?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-1999
Thu, 06-16-2011 - 4:15am
I don't care for visitors in the hospital. Other than grandparents and my own kids of course. I definitely don't like germs around the baby. I like my space when the baby gets home too. If someone wants to stop by for 20 mins or so, that's fine. But staying in the house with us overnight or for days.... no way!!!

luvmy4kids Made with My Cool Signs.Net

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2010
Thu, 06-16-2011 - 4:12pm
i had kind of planned to let anyone who wanted to come visit in the hospital go ahead and come, hoping people had the common sense to figure out for themselves that if they are sick to stay away and that if they aren't that close to us to wait until we were home and they were invited. maybe i'm being naive, lol. i guess we'll see. i really don't think that anyone other than my immediate family, grandparents, and best friend would attempt to visit but if someone else does i kinda feel like i'd rather it be in the hospital than when we are home and trying to get set up/ establish our routine. i will say that the thought of having my MIL visit in the hospital makes my skin crawl, but we don't really get along (she is a crazy hot mess). actually the thought of her visiting/ holding my child at all makes me want to scream a little, but i know i have to let her sometime. she's out of state so when she does come visit it will probably be for a couple of days. ugh. i'm hoping she'll wait a few weeks... she's pretty unorganized and has her hands full trying to handle her own life, so i don't think she'll be like rushing to come up as soon as we tell her the baby is here (she will def not be getting a call before that) which is fine by me. other than that, we're just going to play it by ear (but God help the person who tries to visit my baby while they are sick!)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2006
Thu, 06-16-2011 - 5:10pm

I actually have a very big family, most of which will likely visit in the hospital. This doesn't bother me at all (last time I was in the hospital for the minimum required 24 hours after birth, at which point I checked myself out, loaded up car w/ my two kids and hubby and drove to my favorite nearby Italian restaurant for lunch. While I stayed in the hospital longer the first time, I still left and immediately went out to eat ... who wants to go home and cook? And who wants to be cooped up inside, just because you just had a baby?).

I'm not generally bothered by visitors (although non-family members or non close friends seem strange to me). I'm not shy about putting my and baby's needs first. Baby needs to nurse ... etc. And I have fairly strict rules about holding baby ... wash hands, followed by hand sanitizer.

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