Let's Discuss Visitors for the Baby

I'm not so much of a germ concerned mother about it. Though I am. I don't want visitors because I just gave birth!!!! Hello! Vagina, surgery, breast feeding, hormones, bleeding. It's called get out of my face. This is such a private and intimate time too. I'll take my DH and just born child at the hospital, no one else.

That being said, our parents both sets, live out of state. They're planning on coming to the house to visit right after Jimmy is born, but I'm also comfortable asserting myself. Every one washes their hands. When I want to hold him, I hold him. And parents are the only ones visiting. Don't bring gifts or food as a ticket into seeing my just born child. Send me a message on facebook, text or email. Heck, I don't even answer my cell phone and the one super annoying friend who found my hospital and room number to call my last time spoke to DH who told her that I didn't want to talk to her. Or anyone.

Really. I don't invited people to my pap smears. Please don't come to my birthings.

I guess I am not too worried about being out and about with a newborn, though generally I'm not out and about with him before two weeks simply because I am recovering from childbirth. I will probably worry even less this time since it will be summer. That said, I really cannot imagine what you described about your friend who just became a grandmother. When I was expecting my first, I was charmed by the idea of the way his family gathered around his sister for her son's birth a year before. My dh and SILs slept in the waiting room waiting for the birth. It was a family event and it seemed rather magical... until I found myself just having given birth (thankfully they arrived AFTER the birth) to my son in the middle of the night with no sleep and a crowd of LOUD inlaws plus my own family (who at least knew better and could see how worn I was and started making their way out)...topped off by the moment when I tried to get my dh to bring my son so I could see him (yes, I had not yet held him) and my MIL blocked me from getting his attention and declared he was holding him for the first time, and my mouth about dropped open: and why should he not be holding MY SON in reach of HIS WIFE! at the very least! This was a moment that should have been my dh's and mine, and it was destroyed by a bunch of inconsiderate brats who would not go for another three hours. (I gave birth at 2:30 am and they left at 5:30 am and came back at 7:30am... So... um, I am totally with you on this. I just gave birth. I dont want a party being held in my hospital room. With my second, I limited visitors (but did not exclude MIL & FIL, only to find myself hours after giving birth in the middle of a drama with MIL capped with my FIL angrily raging at me - causing a nurse afterwards to tell me that they could play the badguy for me and inform anyone that I chose that hospital policy required them to leave or not be admitted... hm. That's what I did the last one... I banned them. It was heaven)! Anyway, I am doing that again this time. No visitors in the hospital except supporting persons (ie caregivers for my kids). Limited visitors after the birth at home. It is blissful. I wish that I could accommodate my inlaws, but they do not seem able to respect the preciousness of the moment and what I feel is the special bonding of parents, siblings and newborn. I don't allow anyone in who cannot respect that, anymore. It is not about seeing a baby... it is about the first moments of raising a child. I recommend anyone who is doing this for the first time. Drama in your hospital room is not something you want as a forever memory of the first moments of your child's life. River

I will also be opting for the privacy option (as I did last time), but my reason is for L&D and not for postpartum. DH and I were living with ILs when we had DS1 and we had NO privacy. I had to be induced for high bp and we didn't tell them because we knew MIL would not respect our wishes to stay the heck away from the hospital until we called to tell them the baby had been born. We didn't want her to be able to call the hospital and ask if I was there.

As far as once the baby is born, I would actually love visitors. Pretty much only my immediate family came last time and it hurt my feelings. Everyone I have ever known to have a baby goes home with flowers/stuffed animals/balloons...I got nothing. I know that sounds totally ridiculous and self-centered and petty, but I was sad that no one visited me and/or brought me anything.

I must be less of a germaphobe than you. I make people wash their hands or use hand sanitizer before the hold the baby when he's really tiny (and if people are sick, they're not welcome), but I'm not afraid to take him to the store or anything. No one has ever tried to touch my baby in public, maybe I'm just lucky?

i had kind of planned to let anyone who wanted to come visit in the hospital go ahead and come, hoping people had the common sense to figure out for themselves that if they are sick to stay away and that if they aren't that close to us to wait until we were home and they were invited. maybe i'm being naive, lol. i guess we'll see. i really don't think that anyone other than my immediate family, grandparents, and best friend would attempt to visit but if someone else does i kinda feel like i'd rather it be in the hospital than when we are home and trying to get set up/ establish our routine. i will say that the thought of having my MIL visit in the hospital makes my skin crawl, but we don't really get along (she is a crazy hot mess). actually the thought of her visiting/ holding my child at all makes me want to scream a little, but i know i have to let her sometime. she's out of state so when she does come visit it will probably be for a couple of days. ugh. i'm hoping she'll wait a few weeks... she's pretty unorganized and has her hands full trying to handle her own life, so i don't think she'll be like rushing to come up as soon as we tell her the baby is here (she will def not be getting a call before that) which is fine by me. other than that, we're just going to play it by ear (but God help the person who tries to visit my baby while they are sick!)