# 3 oops / Husband asks to "Take Care Of" Advice Needed!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2006
# 3 oops / Husband asks to "Take Care Of" Advice Needed!
10
Mon, 04-25-2011 - 4:44pm

Hi Everyone!

I am THRILLED to join your EC. I just found out last Thursday that I am Due with Number 3! I have a DD who just turned 4 and a DS who is 1 1/2...and we've never been ready to stop there.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2006
ACK! Just realized I posted this in the wrong section. I am sorry for being a MB Newbie!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2006

I don't have any suggestions, but I just want to say I'm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2011
Ashley all I can say at first is WOW! And if the situation becomes to the point where u need police advice I can help you because me and DH are both police. Where r u located?

So I wanna say that u are so so so blessed, u and that crazy I'm sure lovely at times husband. There are so many women here that could love and care for a baby but can't even have one. Some people pay thousands of dollars in an attempt to get pregnant and u can by not even trying.. this baby is a blessing, may not be planned by you two but the baby was in someones planes..u kno..
Is DH having job issues, money issues that would keep him from wanting a baby at this time?
Being as though your married an abortion shouldn't even be a opt if there really isn't a serious concern. I don't know what's going on in ur relationship personally but for a man to say he won't love his unborn child has to have some deep issues behind it. If you need someone to talk to this is a perfect place to be.. these december ladies are wonderful and together we've been thru it all!

Congrats and I can't wait to see the baby pics in december ;)
Also private message me if need be.. let me know how the talk go
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2007
Welcome!

That is a little scary for him to of had that severe of a reaction. Is he worried about money issues? Thats where a lot of our stress comes from. If you are scared that he may harm you or your children, get out! Does he have an abusive past?


I am guessing he will warm up to the idea. especially if you guys had planned on having 4.

let us know how your talk goes!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Wow, I don't know what to stay. I am glad you are standing your ground though and are not going to back down. Good luck tonight.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2009

I'm not even sure what to say, what a horrible situation.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Ashley,

I am in a similar situation. I have an almost 6 year old DD and my DS just turned 4. We were definetly not planning on having another one right now. My husband is unemployed, going to school full time online, and a stay at home dad. When I told him I was pregnant he said the same things your husband said to you. I am 8 weeks and my husband is just not starting to come around. I'm not advocating what your husband said is right, because it is not. However, I also strongly believe that he has a right to his honest opinion. I told that to my husband. As his wife I need to respect his opinion, even when he is in so much shock (and at times anger) that he expresses it in a way that deeply hurts me. I'm not completely sure if what I'm trying to say is coming across right.

At the time that he was saying all these hurtful things I just remember thinking that I would do whatever it takes to raise my children in a safe environment - with or without him. After several phone calls to my girlfriends with lots of ranting and raving I finally came to my senses and stepped back to try and see it from his point of view. He was shocked and scared and worried. This was completely unplanned. I came to realize that I had suspected I was pregnant for 2 weeks already and therefore had those 2 weeks to become mentally and emotionally prepared for the surprise. I threw the surprise on him suddenly and the least I could do was give him some time. As I said before, he is starting to come around now. In fact, he has gone to all of my doctor's appointments to support me no matter what happens. I guess what I'm trying to say is to give him a little bit of time and see if he comes around. I know this will be very hard, but please know that you are not alone.

Kim

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
So how did the talk go?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2006

Hi Ladies!

First of all, can I just say wow? THANK YOU so much for all of your support. I kept checking back yesterday prior to my talk and you all gave me the strength to stand my ground. Thank you!

To answer all of your questions, the root causes are Time, Patience, Money, and his prospect for a new career. We talked about all of these topics last night...and in the end I believe he felt better. We concluded that we are going to go to counseling...I've been wanting to go for a while now, there have been some issues that just never go away for both of us, so this will be a huge step in the right direction. All-in-all I feel really good where we left off our discussion. However, tonight he was just as withdrawn as he has been all week. It was interesting...because he had told me that he had thought that this could end our marriage, probably just as much as I did. Another reason that I am THRILLED we are going to seek counseling.

Thank you all so much. :smileyhappy:

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Avatar for mickeydoo79
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003

Counseling can do wonders.

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