Could realllllly use some advice. Touchy subject with in-laws.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2010
Could realllllly use some advice. Touchy subject with in-laws.
13
Thu, 10-13-2011 - 6:52pm

So, I could really use some help on this one... We are going to be having a very difficult conversation with my inlaws soon.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2010
Thank you soooo much for all the advice and support, ladies. You've given me some great ideas for helping with this situation. I think, bottom line is, it's a crappy situation and there's no way to turn it into a good one... But at least I know I'm not crazy for thinking they're nuts. lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
That would annoy me and I'd totally be brought inti the craziness by teasing her and egging her on lol what, at least I'm honest!!

We've had a couple similar conversations. I plan to exclusively bf but that's unheard of around here... baby's need formula... baby's need food... etc etc etc. We have politely but firmly enforced that we plan to exclusively bf until 6 months and if anyone (our parents who all plan to babysit) feels the need to keep formula, they will not be allowed to babysit. If they insist on sneaking in table food, they will not be allowed to babysit. We make the decisions. We have actually had to say that we will simply place baby in daycare if needed so our wishes are met.

They're coming around. My mom now understands that I will pump and the baby will have breast milk when he is with her and he will not need formula. My dad understands that we don't want the baby getting real food until we're ready, no matter how young I was when I got it. His parents get it that were bf'ing and wont need formula (hopefully anyway!).

But we have to bring it up constantly so they don't forget and so they know we're serious.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2011
Isn't it great being the parent with in-laws :) My sister in law has a masters in psychology and she has diagnosed my father in law with a personality disorder.... if he doesn't get his way he'll throw a temper tanrum until we give in. Same with my father. So my SIL advice to us is to
1. St boundry lines so this means you and hubby sit down and you come up with we want _____ and you make a united front.
2. Never point fingers. Use phrases like 'when you do this, it makes me feel ____'. Or 'I understand what your saying and respect it but this is how I feel. Let me think over what you said and I will let you know'.
3. Do't give in to the behavior. Meaning if ur mother in law is sitting on the couch staring at a wall, just treat her like you normally would and if she doesn't respond, just keep treating her normally. If you ignore the behavior the faster they snap back to being a normal person.

Now its alot eaiser to say than do. We have been doing this for a year on my dad and we have had ok results. My father in law we have been failing at, he hasn't spoken to us in 2 months and he lives 10 minutes down the road.

But the imporant thing for you to remember your the parent and your the final say and they have to come to respect that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2010
Ugh that is definitely a rough situation. My sister also has to deal with crazy in laws (I cannot say I am jealous). I think there is probably going to be no good way to go about this. Best to do it quickly like ripping off a bandaid. Also prepare your DH. Let him know you still love him since it will no doubt place him in an awkward spot when they react as you expect. I think the best thing to do is support him. While he might realize his parents are reacting poorly he will still probably be upset that his family is not acting as a family should.
Much luck!

Dixie

"Even miracles take a little time." ~ Fairy Godmother: Cinderella

TTC since April 2009

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004

Yikes, I don't deal well with people like this. I think I would just flat out tell them its not going to happen, period. Don't sugar coat anything for them. If they get mad, oh well. They will get happy in the same pants they got mad in. I can't believe they try and adjust your pets, how ridiculous.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-1999
How awkward and sad. I think you'll just have to tell them in plain language and not allow any room for discussion. Doing it in public might not be a bad idea. My in-laws weren't happy about either pregnancy but they come around once the baby is born. Not that you can leave yours alone with them but they might be better behaved once they start visiting the baby.

I have a friend who smoked through her whole 1st pregnancy and the baby has a lot of breathing issues & illnesses. They've turned to alternate medicines and used a chiropractor on him. I don't agree with it but he seems to be ok so far.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003

Wow. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can't believe you even have to deal with such an assinine issue. It honestly sounds like you're in no-win situation. You obviously have to let your feelings known and set some groundrules, but it doesn't sound like there's any way to avoid having your in-laws get upset. In that case, I'd just say it as to the point as possible so there's no mistaking the message and leave it alone. DH and I have discussed it and there will be no adjustments on baby. Now, how about some coffee?" :smileywink: Ugh, seriously though, I'm sorry. This just sounds like a crappy situation all around.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003

Omg, I would NOT let them do chiropractice on my child at that age period!

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Community Leader
Registered: 05-04-2011

Crummy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2011

I'm sorry your having to deal with this.

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