Do you put your DH or children first?

Avatar for strawberrywild
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Do you put your DH or children first?
10
Sun, 11-27-2011 - 2:32am

I just read an interesting article online.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009
Mon, 11-28-2011 - 2:04pm

Yea, it is ironic.

    Proud mama of Tiffany(10), Nathan(9),

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-1999
Sun, 11-27-2011 - 8:55pm
rnmama6 wrote:
That is a very interesting take. I have always been on the whole kids come first way of thinking. Mg ex husband, however, once told me that he put my needs first because it was me, nit the kids, that he would grow old and die with. I have actually considered the wisdom of that comment very often. It makes sense but old habits die hard I guess.

I giggled a little that it was your ex who said he put you first. Irony is such a funny thing, isn't it?

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Avatar for strawberrywild
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 11-27-2011 - 8:04pm

The kind of love we have for our husbands and children are definitely different, eventhough we love both like you all said.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009
Sun, 11-27-2011 - 7:53pm
That is a very interesting take. I have always been on the whole kids come first way of thinking. Mg ex husband, however, once told me that he put my needs first because it was me, nit the kids, that he would grow old and die with. I have actually considered the wisdom of that comment very often. It makes sense but old habits die hard I guess.

    Proud mama of Tiffany(10), Nathan(9),

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2006
Sun, 11-27-2011 - 6:50pm
I vote neither. Obviously theyre both loved by us more than words can explain but I couldnt say one or the other comes first & dont think it has to be that way.
Jill, mommy to Chloe, almost 5, Oliver, 3 & baby Ella born 12-1-11 !
Community Leader
Registered: 05-04-2011
Sun, 11-27-2011 - 12:38pm

I'll be at home with DH long after the kids have flown the coop, so while I love my children, it's extremely important that DH and I cultivate our relationship apart from being parents to our children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2009
Sun, 11-27-2011 - 11:53am

Kids are definitely first.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-1999
Sun, 11-27-2011 - 11:40am
I've always heard that you need to focus on your marriage before you focus on your family because a strong marriage leads to a strong family. However, I can't lie, Olivia totally comes first. About the only thing I do right is try to get plenty of me time and keep a sense of myself. I see so many of my friends wrapped up in their husband's lives and their kid's lives and I feel sorry for them because they've lost themselves. You were you before you were a wife or a mother. One day your kids will be grown and who knows what the future holds for your spouse so it's important to know yourself.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2005
Sun, 11-27-2011 - 7:44am

Well, I agree that it's a different kind of love.

Michelle due 2/12/10 w/#4

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Registered: 11-05-2004
Sun, 11-27-2011 - 3:41am

I didn't read the article but I am going to try and answer you anyways. :) So I guess it depends on the situation. After I make dinner I will serve everyone including DH, I ALWAYS serve the kids first, and he gets their drinks (so basically all of thier basic NEEDS come first). Which is how he would prefer it as well, they come first in that aspect, however, some things my DH comes first. We have to be strong and happy to have healthy, strong and happy children. I just seen also in the link you posted it says "Loving-husband-more-kids-key-good-life" hmmm, if this article is about LOVING my DH more than my children, that's a bit odd to me. It is 2 totally different loves and you can't even compare or put one over the other, IMH anyways... hmmm, maybe I will read the article tomorrow. Right now its LAAAATE and I'm exhausted. I know hands down I do not want my DH to love me MORE than our children. I want to be loved equally but a different type of love.

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