Having a slightly negative moment.

Vent it out! Youre human & a momma. Don't feel like you have to explain yourself. You know that Isaac, you & dh are doing a great job & you guys are thriving. You do know you couldnt help how things panned out. They happened as they intended to. Youve had to adjust to that & know its what was best for baby. Tell dh you need a hug & a pat on the back bc youre doing great.

I understand a bit of whay you are going through. With my oldest I tore so severely during delivery that I passed out from blood loss within seconds of her coming out. I never heatd her first cry and didn't get to hold her (and be awate that I was) until after I woke up from emergency surgery the next day. That same afternoon she became very jaundiced and was put in the nicu for 4 days. I cried constantly until I got to go back to the hospital and pick her up. To this day there are times I still cry about missing those magical first moments. With my son I have to remimd myself on a consistent basis that I did nothing wrong for him to be the way he is. He gets extremely high fevers every 6-8 weeks that is caused by a genetic mutation on the 16th chromosome. Turns out dh and I are both carriers of this disease and never knew it. It is something ds will have to take meda for for the rest of his life in order to survive and he still might end up with a kidney transplant later on. He is also on the autistic spectrum. He is incredibly high functioning and most people can't even tell, but I question whether there is something I did wrong when pregnant that caused it. With Aubrey, like you with Isaac, I have gotten tired of the comments. She was also iugr and even though I was 37w6d she was only 4 lbs 14 oz. I constantly get asked/told things like, "so just how much of a preemie was she?', "wow, she holds her head up so well for being so little!", "she's just small because the other two kids got all the nutrients and she only got the leftovers.". I could go on and on with all the rude comments. Like you said, never mind that they have almost tripled their birthweight! I sometimes feel like I have to explain every little weight loss (because that has happened when she had rsv) or weight addition to everybody. I'm sure you've probably heard stuff like, "shouldn't baby weigh more by now?" Or my favorite, "you really need to start giving her a bottle with formula and cereal in it and just bf every now and then so she'll grow like she is supposed to". Really?! I have a friend whose daughter was diagnosed as failure to thrive. At a year old she was wearing 6-9 mo clothes. She just turned 2 and she has pretty much caught up with her peers. Some babies just take longer to grow. Others o the deck stacked against them because they are having to play catch up from day 1 of being in this world. It is nothing you or I did wrong. Instead it is something that makes them unique and, in my opinion, even more special because to us we celebrate every little ounce they gain and it really makes you stop and enjoy them just a bit more. As for the frustrations you sometimes feel with the baby, they are normal. You know it is not his fault, but it us okay to feel frutrated. Many times as moms our frustration comes from feeling like no matter what we do we aren't able to help lo feel better and it can be very discouraging. in our minds it feels like there has got to be something else out there that we haven't tried or thought of or something else that is causing it. I know it is frustratung, but sometimes we need to just sit back and let things unfold the way they are supposed to and just be our child's greatest cheetleader. Things will get better and there will be days where you will feel bad. Remember that you are an amazing mom, you did nothing wrong, and you are doing all that you can to help him.