irrational or do i have a right to be upset?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
irrational or do i have a right to be upset?
11
Wed, 11-16-2011 - 10:23am

i was gonna post this last night but i figured i'd wait and see if i would "sleep it off" like i usually do...but i woke up still angry. Last night while i was laying down about to go to sleep i was talking to my bf about some of the things i recent read about laboring in water...like it not really helping some people with pain and whatnot..my last two pregnancies i used an epi and for some reason this time i'm more concerned with possible side effects or someone doing it wrong. with my last i got so sick that i was throwing up afterwards for 4hours and was the last one to hold my DS for that reason. i told him i didnt know what i wanted to do now and he said that "the pain is just a mind set". that pissed me off pretty bad...especially bc he's only 20 (i'll be 27 in feb) and this is HIS first....he has no idea what its like. i was telling him how bad the contractions hurt with my son and he says "people meditate while laying on fire" to which i said i wasnt one of those people....i feel like he's totally disregarding my feelings and the whole labor process. i told him he's done nothing to help me during that time as far as no classes or exercises or anything...i think he's being very insensitive... do i have a reason to still be upset/hurt or is this just the hormones and should be dropped?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 11-17-2011 - 2:26pm
sunrenay wrote:
I suggest you kneel on his nuts while extracting a couple teeth and have him meditate through the pain.

BEST QUOTE EVER. Thanks for the laugh, Sunni! :smileyvery-happy:

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-1999
Wed, 11-16-2011 - 9:06pm
I suggest you kneel on his nuts while extracting a couple teeth and have him meditate through the pain.
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Community Leader
Registered: 05-04-2011
Wed, 11-16-2011 - 6:24pm

I'd be pissed!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
Wed, 11-16-2011 - 5:22pm
u are lucky ur dh realizes that...mine just says that i shouldnt act all high and mighty bc of how i perceived what he said
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2010
Wed, 11-16-2011 - 4:03pm
It must be going around. My husband did some very poor phrasing last night and got screamed at (screamed. Not something I normally do). Just stood there looking astonished but then thought it through, came and found me and goes, "yeah, I didn't say that right, with what I said you had every right to yell..." lol Poor guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
Wed, 11-16-2011 - 2:47pm
lol i loved that last part!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2010
Wed, 11-16-2011 - 2:12pm
My husband would be lucky to be alive after saying that to me. BUT maybe he was trying to be supportive, not dismissive? Like a "you can do this!" type thing... Either way I'd say you have a right to be mad lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2011
Wed, 11-16-2011 - 2:04pm
I think you have a right to be upset. Until he goes through serious pain he will never understand. I'm sure when the day comes and he sees the pain on your face he'll feel helpless and will want to know what he can do to make you comfortable. If he doesn't I would have a back up labor partner in mind. But I would communicate to him before hand that you have a back up labor partner and this is why.

As for getting really sick, a co-worker and a friend of mine did a natural birth (no pain meds) and they were throwing up through the entire labor process and a few hours after. So it may not be the epidural causing it, might just be the stress your body is undergoing. I would definately talk to your OBGYN about this.

Also, this was an exercise they brought up in my child birthing class... its a little mean but you have the dad to be sleep on the floor without a pillow for a few days. Then you ask how they are feeling. They will probably have back pain, neck pain and really uncomfortable. Thats when you can communicate how would it make you feel if i said pain is just a mindset right now... and hopefully he gets the point.

Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2005
Wed, 11-16-2011 - 1:25pm

My first thought is that wow, will he ever learn his lesson.

Michelle due 2/12/10 w/#4

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2006
Wed, 11-16-2011 - 12:07pm
Id absolutely be aggravated.I do agree keeping focused helps, trying not to let the pain take you over BUT it still hurts like he//. I can understand your fears comparing your last exp. Laboring in the tub cant hurt but just didnt cut it for me. I got sick just before delivering my other 2 from pain, that was WITH an epi but not caused by it. I hope he can open his mind a bit more, but you know all us btdt understand"
Jill, mommy to Chloe, almost 5, Oliver, 3 & baby Ella born 12-1-11 !

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