Problems with In -Laws?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2011
Problems with In -Laws?
11
Sat, 12-03-2011 - 6:49pm

Anyone having problems with their in laws such as them wanting to control how you raise your child? Think that smoking at work is acceptable and does no harm to the baby when they hold them when they get home? to degrading you as a parent and the decisions you are making for your child?

Have anyone had parents or in laws who think smoking is not harmful to your child and it is okay for them to do so around or even outside and then come inside and hold and touch your baby?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2011
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 2:58pm

I thought so too. I thought a health scare would try to help her see what damage she is doing to herself but April this year, she was admitted and stayed a night at the hospital and such and my husband went to visit and he asked her so is this enough for you? she said along with her husband - that it has nothing to do with smoking, everything is normai; in test results and such so I doont think she is ever going to realize the main point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2011
Wed, 12-07-2011 - 5:37pm
We don't have a problem with smoking, but we have asked the grandparents to get vaccinated for whooping cough. My parents live up in Chicago and there is an outbreak going on up there. My mother also works in a day care and my dad flys every week so their at high risk to pass it on to my daugher. My father is deathly afraid of needles and is refusing the shot. We provided educational material to him as to why my husband and I believe getting vaccinated is in the best interest of our child. We also said that we respect your decision to decline to get the vaccination but you will not be able to go near or hold our daughter till she is fully vaccinated at 6 months. There as been alot of nasty comments made by my dad but i'm sticking to my guns. Its a simple enough request that i feel protects my daughter from poteinitally catching a disease that can turn into pnemonia, cause her to a higher risk for SIDS because she can't breathe when she is coughing and others.


So you can try to go about communicting to your inlaws why you do not want them to smoke around your children (provide facts based on medical research, let them talk to your pedatrician, if second hand smoke impacts children find a youtube video showing the impact... I found a 3 minute video of a 3 week old with whooping cough... did the trick for everyone but my dad). Then allow them to make a deision based off the information you provide and then if they say no, you say ok well this is what you have to live with. I respect your decision and i hope you can understand and respect mine. And then wait for the fighting to start just don't give in if you feel strongly about it. Cuz if you roll over on this.... your inlaws will start making you roll over on other items you feel are important.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2011
Tue, 12-06-2011 - 9:20pm
I think you have to do what you think is best for your kids. I'm glad to hear that your husband has your back too. Hopefully your Mother in law will see the error in her ways- at least when it comes to changing her clothes, washing her hands, etc. before handling the kids. Unfortunately she probably won't quit smoking until she is "good and ready", or has a serious health scare.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2011
Tue, 12-06-2011 - 11:38am

Thanks for sharing your scenario with me. I feel a little better that I'm not the only one going through something like this whether its on a smaller scale or as big as this one is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2011
Tue, 12-06-2011 - 12:23am

Oh, yeah, we also had a year where we didn't see much of my mother because I told her that she needed to treat my husband better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2011
Tue, 12-06-2011 - 12:20am

My in-laws are usually pretty reasonable- but I did have to take a pretty hard line with

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-1999
Mon, 12-05-2011 - 8:54pm
Good for you! Our oldest (daughter) is my copy in almost every way. I worry the baby will be a copy of his father and end up with severe childhood asthma.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2011
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 12:49pm

That is what I have been reading. That even if they were to smoke at work or outside, it still lingers like the smoke particles in their skin, hair and clothes. I have tried to tell my mother in law that it is harmful to my son and that he has been having breathing problems. Funny thing is, since she has not seen my son for the past couple of months due to this situation, my son is off his asthma medication and is fine without needing his pumps through out the day.

I thought it would be fair that when she were to come to have her change clothes and such but she doesn't think it is necessary and more so, she can't even refrain from smoking. She lives in the same town as us and its just gotten really awkward but I don't want to compromise on my child's health and also for this newborn. A nurse from the hospital even came up to me and asked her who she was when she came to visit in the hospital and said that she should not be in the ward due to her smelling of smoke!

She smokes in her home and also in the car, and thinks I can't smell her when she comes over and she has said she wants to quit but she hasn't tried anything or even shown that she has tried. Its really a bad situation and I guess we tried to talk to her but she doesn't seem to think she is doing anything wrong so she walked out of our house an dhasn't seen my son for like 8 months now. Her loss I guess if she chooses to want to smoke instead of family and health of her grandchildren....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-1999
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 10:51am
I've heard that the smoke & whatnot left on your clothes is as bad as breathing it in. We're lucky not to have any smokers who will see the baby and my sister, who lives 10 hours away, is trying to quit. I have no problem advocating for my kids and I'd just them them to shower and put on clean clothes before they head over to see the baby. Surely they can refrain from smoking long enough to visit.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2010
Sat, 12-03-2011 - 10:47pm
Quite frankly, my inlaws suck. And all I can really do is flat out say "you are NOT going to do X to/around the baby". Anything else had been completely ineffective! I would tell you just say what you need to and in the most clear terms possible so nothing can be misunderstood.

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