Will you let guests say with you when baby is born.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2011
Will you let guests say with you when baby is born.
11
Fri, 10-14-2011 - 3:54pm

This is my hubs and I first child so I don't know what its going to be like with a newborn.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2011

Thanks Ladies for the advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 12:40pm

My parents and sister and her family are local so they'll come to the hospital when the baby arrives and will come by the house as often as I want them to help out. My parents and sister and her DH are great about respecting boundaries but will be more than willing to help in any way we need them. Thankfully we have the relationship where I can tell them we need space or I can call them at the middle of the night with a screaming infant begging for help. :smileyhappy:

My in-laws are about 2 hours away and I honestly have no idea what their plans are. I've asked my hubs to talk to them. They both still work so I don't know if they'll want/be able to come right when the baby is born or not. If they do, and want to stay for a couple days, we have the room for them to stay with us or they can stay with my parents. I'm not too worried about my MIL b/c she's pretty good about not overstepping. My FIL, on the other hand, is just stressful to be around. Don't get me wrong, he's kind and caring and loves us dearly. It's just he's a very anxious person - can't sit still, always has to know what's planned for the day, has no ability to entertain himself, etc. He's not even handy so you can't even give him a project to keep him busy.

Now that I think about it, I guess my preference would be for them to come while we're in the hospital (stay at our house or my parents) then go home and give us some time to get situated at home. Then when my DH goes back to work after a week, my MIL can come back for a week (IF she wants) and help me out. My FIL won't want to miss that much work so maybe he could drive her out one weekend and pick her up the next so he still gets to see the baby. I'm kind of just thinking this through as I type but I think that's what I'm going to recommend to DH.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2009
Sun, 10-16-2011 - 11:14pm

So glad someone brought this up :) I almost fell out last weekend when MIL informed me that she would be staying with me for the month of December to "help out." DH found out (when I called him in a panic) and promptly set her straight. I have a lot of different thoughts on this and it sounds like this is your first baby (correct me if I'm wrong about that), so here are some things to consider:

As Torie said, you have to be careful about who shows up at the hospital. If your labor goes longer than 9 hours or you have a planned induction or C-section, it's something to think about. With my last child, we were swarmed at the hospital and DH and I were literally the last ones in our family to hold our baby. We had told the nurse to wait until we held her, but she didn't listen. Within seconds, DD, my sister, and my mother were there. We didn't get to hold her until late that night because we were trying to be polite. DH says he's locking the door to the delivery room this time. We want bonding time.

Consider whether or not having your family there will be more of a help or more of a problem. If it will be more of a problem, ask them to work out a different plan. You are going to be taking care of a new baby. If you think they will honestly help with that task, have them stay with you. If they are going to be more work for you, I wouldn't let them stay there. You will have more than enough on your plate. Try asking yourself exactly what you would like them to help with and figure out if that's realistic. With my MIL, there is nothing she can do to help me. She stays up all night and sleeps all day, she doesn't cook or do any sort of housework at all. The only thing she can do to help is drive the older 2 children home from school. But since they will be on Christmas vacation, that will not happen either. So she will basically be an uninvited houseguest and more work for me.

Another thing to think about is whether or not you are planning on breastfeeding. MIL claims every time that she needs to come stay with us to help and take turns getting up with the baby at night. I have to constantly remind her that I breastfeed and that she does no good at all to get up with the baby because babies get up in the middle of the night to eat and she can't feed them for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2010
No way. We have a three bedroom house and those are our bedroom, nursery, and office for hubby. We've gotten offers to sleep on the couch to stay and help but absolutely not. It will be hard enough having people in the house all day, much less at night.
Avatar for strawberrywild
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003

My parents have stayed with us the both times we had my first 2 kids.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2011

You just need to do what is right for YOU, YOUR HUBBY and baby.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2009

That's tough b/c I'm sure you want them around when the baby is born, but two weeks is also a long time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2011
I don't do guest so that's a easy one for me to answer lol NO!
I'm lucky and unlucky to have my mother live within five mins walking distance so besides DH she's all I would need if I require help. Also if people come knocking she's all I need to get them to go away lol we don't mind being rude
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
My little one will be born the 2nd week of November if all goes as planned. I've told everyone involved that no one will even be called until baby is here because I want that initial bonding time. And I've warned them that we will not be going out for Thanksgiving due to germs and crap and I may not even go out for Christmas for the same reason.

My family and dh's are both fairly close and all super anxious, but they seem to have all reluctantly agreed to give us the space I've requested. Plus dh knows that if too many end up here and all in everything that I will take the baby and excuse ourselves for feeding and that is his cue to empty out the house before we're done, that's our subtle clue/hint that we've already decided on.

I don't think I'll handle lots of people well either. I want my own baby bonding time as a family.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2011

No way.

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