Scared and alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Scared and alone
12
Sun, 10-09-2011 - 5:14pm

My husband decided to leave us Friday.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009
Thu, 10-13-2011 - 9:29am

Oh my gosh, I could simply copy and paste your post as my own.

    Proud mama of Tiffany(10), Nathan(9),

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2011
Mon, 10-10-2011 - 8:53pm
First I wanna say that I'm sorry your going thru this situation, I pray that things get better for you so you don't have to stress and make urself sick over this. The thing about marriage is your suppose to try to make it work and be supportive but!! I don't respect any man or women that up and leaves their home and children with all the responsilbities on one person. To make it worse, ur pregnant. Bipo... or not, no need to make excuses for him! He's a grown man that knows he has to take his meds and seek help. I believe when someone doesn't want to be there they pick and pick for a fight just so they will have a reason to leave. Sounds like he's putting full blame on you so he can play victim. I love DH and our family we've built, but I refuse to stay in a situation where I'm putting in all the work. If he doesn't want to be there for me then there is the door. It is easier said then done, but those children come first.
Community Leader
Registered: 05-04-2011
Mon, 10-10-2011 - 8:04pm

Kim, I am so, so sorry for what's happening right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2011
Mon, 10-10-2011 - 4:37pm
Kim: sorry you're dealing with all this. I agree with Julie that classic bipolar's don't take ownership for their actions. They are always the victim. Please keep yourself and your children safe. At this point in time, I'd leave hubby alone. He needs to get his act together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2002
Mon, 10-10-2011 - 2:43pm
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. As I was reading, I was thinking that it sounded like he is bi-polar and then you wrote that he is. I went through the same sort of things with my ex-husband. He left us right after my son turned one but leading up to that point, he was accusatory without reason, also unemployed, defensive and hurtful in his words.
You noted that he is on medication, so I'd assume he has a regular doctor he sees? Are you able to contact the doctor's office and speak to someone there about this upswing? Given that he's also threatening suicide, they will want to know about this too.
One thing I've learned about being in a bi-polar relationship: Don't allow him to bring you down. He's accusing you, telling you that "you know what you did", but it's all very vague, right? Keep your head up and don't resort to bickering.

Good luck and keep us updated, okay? I'm hoping you can find some assistance and support in your family/church as well.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 10-10-2011 - 2:20pm

Kim, I am so sorry you are going through this right now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Sun, 10-09-2011 - 11:02pm

((((( Hugs )))))) Kim, I am sooo sorry to hear this,

KELLY THANKS FOR THE BEAUTIFUL SIG
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2010
Sun, 10-09-2011 - 10:38pm
I am SO sorry to hear about all of this. All I can say is that I will be saying prayers for you and your family that everything will work out for the best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2011
Sun, 10-09-2011 - 10:09pm
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this on top of your pg issues. :( It sounds like he is really, really sick right now. Can you talk to his parents/family? Maybe someone else can persuade him to get help.

I know it is a difficult time, but try to take care of yourself as best you can and ask friends/family for help if you need it. You do not need this situation further exacerbating your health!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-1999
Sun, 10-09-2011 - 8:44pm

I'd say he needs to get those meds checked pretty fast. I'm sure that isn't helping whatever underlying issues your marriage is already having. I'm not going to judge you or him for what you've posted. However, it sounds like you need some new friends and godparents. If they are not reaching out to you to help you or, at minimum get both sides, they are NOT interested in helping your situation and should be avoided. I would just tell people that unless they're offering help, you don't need them to call/text because you don't need to know what's being said.

I would suggest that from here on out, you only tell the children that Daddy needs some time to think about his choices. They don't need to know about police, hospitals or even where he is if he's not telling them himself.

I wonder if you'd qualify for any assistance or if you'd have to wait to be declared legally separated. If your Dr has ordered you to stay off your feet, then you can't really work.

If things settle down and you are interested in saving your marriage but not interested in traditional marriage counseling, I highly recommend Retrovaille through the Catholic church. You do not have to be Catholic and they won't turn you away if you can't pay.

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