fertility issue....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2009
fertility issue....
6
Mon, 09-19-2011 - 5:47pm

I have fibroids, 4 of them.



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Tue, 09-20-2011 - 9:32am
If I were in your situation, I'd be TTC right now. Look at it this way, he'll grow up always with a sibling, and from what I hear, older the child = more jealousy issues.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2008
Wed, 09-21-2011 - 10:20pm
Honestly, I wouldn't even take Trey's feelings into consideration. A: because if it was up to infants and toddlers as to whether they wanted to share their mommy with some other kid, then humanity would have been done with long ago because babies are the definition of selfish. This is YOUR and DH's family and the children are stuck with each other whether they like it or not.

And B: because either way, you're not guaranteed certain results. He could grow up an only child and love the one-on-one attention from you, and benefit from the extra money toward school activities and future goals, and learn everything he needs to know about sharing and frienship etc. from school or somewhere. Or he could be a selfish little brat despite your every attempt to avoid that. OR he could have a sibling who is a lifelong friend and who learn lessons from each other and help each other become well-adjusted adults. Or they could despise each other from day one and completely forget about each other once they're adults. Either way, he's going to work with the hand he's dealt because he doesn't exactly have a choice! :)

If you're worried about him being jealous as a toddler - he will be. For a few days or weeks or months. But the cool thing about it will be after a while he won't remember a time when he didn't have a sibling. I think Mom and Dad do way more mourning over the loss of that one-on-one relationship with their first child than the first child does, but after a while you see them playing together and it's like instant heart melt.

Money shouldn't be a consideration either, I don't think, because there is NEVER a perfect time to add in more expenses! It all works itself out though.

If it was me, I'd get started like yesterday!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Thu, 09-22-2011 - 5:33pm
Jennifer,
Don't feel like you'd be putting Trey in any sort of unnatural or unfair, or bad, situation. Plenty of moms have had kids less than a year apart, and if you got pg in the next few months, they'd be close to 2 years apart. That's hardly "too" close. Anyway, some moms have twins, and I don't hear anyone criticizing them or suggesting that they can't mother 2 at once. Anyway, if they aren't too far apart in age, they can play together better, and you can get through all the baby-toddler-preschooler stuff all in one go, which has its advantages, even financially if you intend to go back to work.

Look at me, I had 1 child every 3 years 2 months, and while people give me kudos for having 3 years between, (not sure why that's 'better' in other people's minds), what that translates into, with 3, is a solid decade of being somewhere between baby, toddler, or preschooler, over and over. My DD will be 9 by the time our youngest turns 3. With a 3 year gap, it takes until they are almost completely done being little, before they can really play together. Generally, it takes til the younger one is at least 3, and then they are playing with a 6 year old, and the gap is significant in terms of their interests.

So I would say, go for it! And seriously, there are only children who grew up just fine (though my mom was an only and hated it), and there are twins who grew up just fine, and even "Irish twins" (kids born less than a year apart) and stair-step kids in large families, and it seems like when the dust settles, it's that their parents loved and made time for them, that mattered, not whether the family laps and arms were shared. Each kid doesn't have to grow up with everything separate and all theirs. The sloppy chaotic overlap of life seems to be the way they like things, anyway.

Best wishes for a swift BFP if that's what you decide to go for!

 

-Meg

Loving life as an 0ver-35 mom and Postal Wife, homeschooling, urban homesteading, relaxed crunchy/geek hybrid housewife, trying to live consciously in an age of media hypnosis

<a href="http://lilypie.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2009
Mon, 09-26-2011 - 11:51am
Thanks for the replies. I'm starting to get really depressed about this. I want to start TTC now but my husband just isn't sure. I wish we were on the same page. I think he is afraid, to be honest. His parents were up this weekend and I usually get along really well with them. I love them to death. But his Mom really hurt my feelings. She said that I need to "give into him" about TTC, or not TTC actually. That is the right thing to do she said. She also said that I need to start "contributing to the household income." I don't work right now because I'm pursuing my Master's degree and taking care of our precious little boy. We are really scared of putting him in daycare and don't want to if we don't have to. I cried myself to sleep last night! I feel like his parent's think I'm just a leech, with him supporting me and what I want. I love his parents to death and it really hurts that my wants and needs aren't being considered.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Tue, 09-27-2011 - 7:53am
I can say that I feel that your MIL has no right to intrude into your personal life that much. I am so sorry that she is doing that to you. It is a personal decision, only between yourself and your dh. It has to be that way.

I also want to say that I can understand how hard it is to want to TTC when your dh does not. I spent many years that way, and even started becoming lax with my BCP. It was in a subconscious way, not devious... but I can relate to feeling that way, and the frustration when you dh isn't on the same page as you are. I kind of felt resentful that dh had that much control over my life and our children... I think that is a normal kind of feeling.

I can say that if YOU truly want to add to your family income, have you thought about something like home daycare, and night or online classes? That is what I did when I could not put my twins in daycare, and I still am doing that. I found it added so much to my little ones lives, in the form of playmates and activities... things were always more fun with a friend to share them with. JAT

I want to send you some hugs. In your shoes, I am sure I would want to TTC right away but would respect my dh's wishes.


~April, Mom to son Jory, 23 and boy/girl twins, Alex and Haley, 11






iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2009
Fri, 09-30-2011 - 3:53pm
Well, after much discussion, we are no longer preventing pregnancy and will start TTC in a couple months!!!! I'm so excited!