I cannot believe it. My sister is coming again for 2 weeks this Christmas through New Year!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
I cannot believe it. My sister is coming again for 2 weeks this Christmas through New Year!
4
Tue, 11-15-2011 - 2:04pm

I'm in shock. Probably there is no need to go over what was so hard about last Christmas. Hostessing her is not easy. She gets tired and grumpy more easily than I did at 9 days prior to giving birth and worn out from hostessing. She has to be told to refill ice trays, doesn't like to drink water AT ALL, nor will she accept hot coffee or tea. Iced tea, at 2 teabags per glass, she will drink, and all day long.

If I sound annoyed, it's unfair of me to sound that way. I love my sister... I was just really looking forward to a quiet, uncomplicated, intimate, private Christmas this year, and first birthday for James...and she's not leaving til the day after his birthday, which means she'll be with us for New Year, too. DH and I really need our time ALONE together

 

-Meg

Loving life as an 0ver-35 mom and Postal Wife, homeschooling, urban homesteading, relaxed crunchy/geek hybrid housewife, trying to live consciously in an age of media hypnosis

<a href="http://lilypie.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2009

It took me a long time to learn to speak up for myself and let my needs be known.



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
I wish I could, loui50! She bought the tickets which are nonrefundable, before even announcing the terrific news. The hard part is, she's absolutely alone...40 and never married OR dated, basically married to her job...everyone she goes to meetings with and travels abroad with as a group for business, goes home to their own families spouses and children, during holidays, and if she doesn't fly somewhere to spend it with relatives, she literally ends up doing nothing, by herself, alone, at Christmas.

If she ever gets a boyfriend, and wants to spend it with him, I will be glad, but maybe we can come to an agreement, that she stay at a hotel for at least the week of the actual holiday, so that DH and I feel we have some privacy and breathing room, and she does too, because she needs it as badly as we do, when she comes.

She can't drive, so she's stuck here with nothing to do except what I can manage to take her to, with my 7 year old, 4 year old, and 10 month old in tow...plus the 12 year old I watch after school and Saturdays plus school holidays, such as Christmas...erg.

Since I can't get her a boyfriend (LOL), what I can do is see if we can find a way that she can have a hotel or B&B room for at least part of her stay, and make it clear that she and my mom are welcome to come over AFTER we have had our Christmas Morning with just our children and each other, and that means, in privacy.

Then, if they want to come over for a "visiting relatives" lunch or brunch, great. But instead of bringing armloads of gifts and getting armloads back, it would be so much nicer to just go do something nice together.

I have some ideas to go on, now, to try to keep it to where everyone can be happy. If we can find a way for her visit to include her having her own space, and for our holidays to NOT have people who aren't part of our household (no matter how loved) there the whole time, because we are very private and like our inner sanctum, then it could be ok.

 

-Meg

Loving life as an 0ver-35 mom and Postal Wife, homeschooling, urban homesteading, relaxed crunchy/geek hybrid housewife, trying to live consciously in an age of media hypnosis

<a href="http://lilypie.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2001

Wow.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Thanks, Cindy! ACtually it turns out she's coming for THREE weeks this time. But I talked to her, and really, I think the only thing when she visits that stresses us all out and makes a good-sounding idea so terrible after just the first couple of days, is that everyone needs their space, their privacy, and having someone not of your own household, no matter who it is, underfoot all the time wears thin after just 3 days, like the old saw about houseguests and fish. Our relationship does just keep getting better, which is great, and the kids are thrilled. I just know we need to provide for privacy and retreat for everyone, or else it's going to stink.

Since one of the three weeks, she will be mostly working remotely through wifi, she is considering getting a room at a local B&B for a few days at least, and I want to call them up and see if they would offer a rate deal on a more extended stay. I even said that maybe we could pay for a day or two extra at the B&B for her, as our Christmas gift, since we are into non-object gifts anyway.

I got over my sense of shock and "oh no, there goes my private, intimate, stress-free Christmas!" feeling, and saw the light of how this could be not-so-bad. I have hopes now. 3 weeks is a long visit though, considering we all agreed previously that 2 weeks was too much for everyone involved, and my sister doesn't handle my hectic household with kids too well and generally gets exhausted and grumpy after the first couple of days. Fingers crossed...but the key here, is finding her her own space. The trouble is, she can't drive, so her being in her own space, aside from cost, means a whole lot of shuttling her back and forth with the kids.

There will be a way. There has to be. We have to find a way for this to work, especially if it's going to be Every Year.

 

-Meg

Loving life as an 0ver-35 mom and Postal Wife, homeschooling, urban homesteading, relaxed crunchy/geek hybrid housewife, trying to live consciously in an age of media hypnosis

<a href="http://lilypie.com