The Middle Wife

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2010
The Middle Wife
3
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 12:55am

One of the Nurses I work with printed this out for the staff to read... it's quite funny! I hope you enjoy it as well :D


The Middle Wife
by an anonymous 2nd grade teacher


I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'
'First, my mom and dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then dad put a seed in my mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, Oh, Oh!' (Now this kids is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
My dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my mom to lie down in bed like this. '(Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)'
'And then, pop! My mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like pssshhhewww!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push', and 'breathe, breathe'. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from mom's play-center (placenta), so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest... Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another "Middle Wife" comes along.

Super Mom Pictures, Images and PhotosPhotobucket


blinkiesPhotobucketStudying.gif image by foxymomof3

Super Mom Pictures, Images and Photos

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 4:01pm

Very cute, but I doubt the veracity of it, simply because homebirth midwives do not place laboring women on their backs in bed...they know it makes labor more painful and less effective. OBs do that. Homebirth midwives also generally do not tell women how or when to breathe or push; OBs do that.

The overwhelming majority of homebirth midwives can tell you from experience that most laboring women will never voluntarily be on their backs during labor. They will find a comfortable helpful position such as on hands and knees, squatting, or some variation of standing leaning forward, or sometimes lying on their sides... but almost never will a woman CHOOSE to try to birth in the worst possible position for it, on her back. There is one maneuver that midwives can apply to get a child out with shoulder dystocia, that does involved being on the back for just long enough to perform the maneuver.

so... cute story, but it sounds like it was written by someone who never saw or experienced a homebirth.


 

-Meg

Loving life as an 0ver-35 mom and Postal Wife, homeschooling, urban homesteading, relaxed crunchy/geek hybrid housewife, trying to live consciously in an age of media hypnosis

<a href="http://lilypie.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2010
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 11:45pm
Thanks, I knew about that, but I just thought it was funny anyway :)

Super Mom Pictures, Images and PhotosPhotobucket


blinkiesPhotobucketStudying.gif image by foxymomof3

Super Mom Pictures, Images and Photos

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 6:41am
It was, thanks for sharing it!



 

-Meg

Loving life as an 0ver-35 mom and Postal Wife, homeschooling, urban homesteading, relaxed crunchy/geek hybrid housewife, trying to live consciously in an age of media hypnosis

<a href="http://lilypie.com