Delivery Room Dilemma

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2009
Delivery Room Dilemma
14
Mon, 09-12-2011 - 3:44pm

As I'm approaching delivery, I'm having a hard time deciding who, if anyone, will join me in the OR if DH is unable to make it. (He's currently in training, scheduled to be done mid-October, which puts me just under 35 weeks.) So far the drs are optimistic that the babies will stay put until then and we'll have a scheduled date, DH will be here and all will be fine. But the reality of pregnancy is that anything can happen at any time, and the reality of the military is just because he was told he'd be able to head here in an emergency there aren't any guarantees...and even if he could drop everything and come the babies may still arrive before he gets here.

One of my options is my mother. I love her, and God bless her, but I don't think I can handle her in the delivery room. She's emotional, freaks out over small things and I think she might cause me more stress. (On one of

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2009
Mon, 09-12-2011 - 5:49pm
Awe Kim! Tough decisions! As you know, I greatly understand what you're going through and that ultimate reality that you could be alone come time for delivery. I will be doing what I hope is a vag delivery completely alone if DH won't be there. So I sympathize. I have no experience in doing a c-section alone but I'd ask a nurse or two what their thoughts are. I'm sure they come across this daily and they can tell you better whether you really will need a support system in there or whether you can do it alone. I wish I had some great words of advice on who to pick if DH can't make it home but I don't. :( I'm sure your Mom will understand if you want your sister in there and with her experience with c-sections, I'm sure it'd be rather helpful but I can also understand why your Mom would want to be part of it and I secretly think if push came to shove, you'd let that donut bringin' Momma/G'ma in there with you! :P But I will definitely keep my fingers crossed that you don't have to worry about any of these scenerios because DH will be right there with you, holding your hand with tears in his eyes as he watches you give birth to your 3 little babies! :D

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Mon, 09-12-2011 - 7:39pm
That's a really hard situation to be in. I think if I were in your shoes, I would go ahead and ask my mom. I would probably approach the subject with her and say something like "So, if my husband can't be here for the C-section, do you want to be in the delivery room with me? Or do you think I should ask my sister?" Then you can just discuss? That's how I'd approach it with my mom... My mom has never been in the delivery room with me, and I think I'd rather do a vaginal birth alone if DH wasn't there - but for a C-section I think I'd feel better with my mom in there!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2009
Tue, 09-13-2011 - 6:28am

OK, so this is 100%, aboslutely, completely your decision.....but......since you asked....ask your sister. Having done a vaginal and a C-section I can say (FOR ME) I would have done ten vaginals alone before I would want to do a C alone. Again, that's just ME! But the constant trying to touch me, comfort me, asking if I'm ok, asking if I'm having a contraction, (or telling me one's coming cause you can see it on the monitor as if I didn't know it was coming) and the PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2005
Tue, 09-13-2011 - 10:19am

Just my opinion.

I think you should ask your Sister to be in the room with you, and ask your mom to be there at the hospital to keep your sisters children calm, and reassure them that You will be ok. Having her (mom) at the hospital will ensure she is a part of the day and if you change your mind at the last minute your sister can go wait in the lobby with her children.

My mother has Alzheimers and my MIL over reacts to every thing and is annoying during high stress times. She is really over the top with it sometimes. I have no siblings, So if my hubby were not going to be there, I would ask and have already asked my DD 17 to be there. We are very close. She and hubby will be in the room for the Vaginal birth. She won't stress me out but just hold my hand and help me relax. He won't stress me out either.

My mom prior to Alzheimers was in the room for my other 2 childrens births and I know she can probably still handle it ok, she is very supportive, but I just don't want to be worried about her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2008
Tue, 09-13-2011 - 11:39am

I feel that in this situation honesty is the best policy. You really have no idea how you're going to feel once the time comes, so why not ask both of them to be there in case; but let them know that you just aren't sure who you'll feel most comfortable having in the room? You'll need the extra hands while still in the hospital

Tracie, proud 1st time Mommy to Jake! "Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future" - Oscar Wilde
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2009
Tue, 09-13-2011 - 11:58am
I would say talk to your mom about it.. Be honest with her.. Then if shes ok with it askcur sister.. Hopefully dh can be there!! If dh cant make it im gonna go alone hed be wrecked if his mother saw his daughter being born and he didnt.. Ive been through csec before honestly i was so focused on baby i didnt even notice ex dhs presence.. Then again he was an ass lol

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2011
Tue, 09-13-2011 - 1:41pm
I can relate to your concerns over who to ask. The father of this baby isn't in the picture at all so I have no choice but to ask someone else to be with me. Given the choice between my mother and sister, I choose my sister. I love my mother to death but can't deal with her in the room stressing out. I have found many other jobs for her such as baby shower registry and shopping, u/s visits and bringing baby and I home from the hospital to settle in. Good luck with your decision and remember this is the one time it's about what you're comfortable with not what other people want.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2010
Tue, 09-13-2011 - 4:16pm

I watch your posts from time to time, I remember you from when I was TTC. This is a suggestion totally out of left field but it's a thought. You have been in the hospital for a while now, is there a nurse that you are really comfortable with that maybe has gone the extra mile when you needed it. C-sections are scary but maybe if you aren't able to have family there for whatever reason maybe a favorite nurse would be willing to sit with you and help you through it. That person would probably be truly honored to help and they are good and being comforting and holding hands when you need it the most.

A month ago I was in the hospital for a week by myself as hubby had to be home taking care of baby and some nights when I was really sad and missing them there was a nurse who would sit with me and let me cry. She was just there for me when I really needed it.

Just a thought if you can't decide between your mom and your sister or if there just isn't time.

Kristy

Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2009
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 3:14am
Thanks for all of your words of support. I'm still incredibly stumped by this all, and to be honest, as each day goes by I keep thinking that I don't want my mom in there with me. Just tonight while I was on the monitors, Baby A had the hiccups and my mom was nearly in tears because she thought the baby was in pain because hiccups can be painful for people so she must be hurting in there. Seriously? I just don't think I can handle that...I'm supposed to be the crazy one about the babies, not my support person! What's going to happen when one of them is being manhandled and having tubes stuck up their noses and down their throats?

I have thought about asking one of the nurses to accompany me, especially because after 5 weeks here I have bonded well with a few of them. I don't know if I prefer this, but the option is definitely on the table.

DH wants me to ask my sister. I'm just honestly too chicken so far to bring it up to my mom.

I'm trying not to stress on this too much because I have to keep hope that DH will be here, but I also want to have a plan in place. I'm seriously considering doing this by myself...Oye, so confused!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2009
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 6:34am
Awe Kim! In light of the hiccups, I'd say if you pick any family member, definitely go with the sister. As loving and wonderful your Mom is, it doesn't sound like she could handle anything happening to her baby and her grandbabies. Not to mention, DH thinks you should too and sometimes your DH knows you best and what is best for you. But I am still holding out hope that he's there and this choice doesn't have to be made! I make silent prayers and wishes for both of us daily....please let Daddy be home for the birth of the babies! :)

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