How do you tell someone to "clean it up" in more ways than one?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2009
How do you tell someone to "clean it up" in more ways than one?
11
Thu, 06-23-2011 - 8:54pm

Ok-I don't know if its hormones or what-but I'm totally not attracted to my DH. He needs to clean up his act and I can't think of how to approach it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004

It sounds like he's depressed.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2009

That's pretty much what I was thinking too. I don't know if he doesn't realize it or if he's just in denial about it. The thing is, I've tried(as well as my family members) to include him in things that he did before he moved here, like the Fire Dept, Hunting, etc.

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
You know, honestly, you sound like me to an extend.
My DH rarely shaves (grated he can't really GROW facial hair, but really that makes it WORSE!) I refuse to kiss him when he hasn't shaved in a few days and that has provided SOME encouragement for him.

I found out that my DH doesn't brush his teeth before bed. So I mother him about it. If I'm awake when he comes to bed I ask "Did you brush your teeth?" and if he says "No" then I kick him out of bed.

My DH has admitted to... not being depressed, but feeling like life is spinning out of control. Maybe your DH is going through something similar. I find that males in general (not all, but in general) have a harder time coping with change than women. For me, having another baby is super exciting and we'll play it by ear and things will go great. For him, he feels a little overwhelmed, he's 26 and will have 2 kids in a few months.

What might help is getting your DH alone, prepare a list of things you want to discuss with him, and try talking it out. If he doesn't admit to anything being wrong maybe get him in to a doctor.
I can't imagine not showering at least every other day. I'd feel so gross.

Good luck and KUP!
- Caroline

* Wife of Eric (July 28, 2007)

* Proud Mommy of Allison Kathleen (April 14, 2007)

* Expecting another BABY GIRL on September 16, 2011

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2009

I'll be totally honest here(and maybe TMI) I won't even be intimate with him because of the not showering. He tries and sorry but I can't go there.

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
I don't blame you!!!!!!!!!!!
If my DH mows the lawn or something else that's sweaty and even tries to HUG me after it I'm like "Uh.... not now please...."
- Caroline

* Wife of Eric (July 28, 2007)

* Proud Mommy of Allison Kathleen (April 14, 2007)

* Expecting another BABY GIRL on September 16, 2011

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2009

And when he was gone to work-I Febreezed the hell out of the couch. I'm not trying to be mean but.....

I just hope he'll be receptive to whatever I end up saying to him. Of course, no matter how polite I try to be, he'll take it personally.

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2008
My husband works long shifts 6-6 (nights) too. And has been for almost 7 years. It takes a lot to get use to that type of lifestyle. DH went on a antidepressant about 4 years ago and it saved our marriage!! It's still challenging bc he wants to sleep all day on his days off. But I would sit down and talk with him. Try to make things his idea, like maybe getting some medication. Ask him, what you can do to help him so he's not so down. I know it maybe hard to sit him down and talk bc that is the last thing he's going to want to do, but you guys need to talk about it. He needs to realize that his morale is affecting the whole family and when those boys are born, you need him healthy too!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2005

I'm sorry your going thru all this. I dont have any suggestions for you, but I hope things change soon!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
I think the idea that he might have depression issues is spot on. Have you sat and talked to him, asked him if things are bothering him at work? Is it the schedule? Would he be open to counseling? At the very least, have him see his doctor and get medication.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
i just heard on the radio about something called Shift Work disorder. Sounds like a combo of a sleep disorder and a depression... might want to check it out? It sounds pretty close to what you were saying about your hubby.

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