Adult Adoptee trying not to make waves....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-1999
Adult Adoptee trying not to make waves....
Sun, 07-15-2012 - 1:24pm

I hired a Private Investigator last weekend to try to find my possible birth father while he was alone. (He is still married to the same woman he was married to when I was conceived. From what I understand, he doesn't know I exist. I didn't want to "scare him off" by having the letter I wrote mailed to him. Instead I tried to track him down alone and have the letter hand delivered.) After several attempts to find him, I gave my Private Investigator permission to drop the letter off at his house. The letter included a mini-collage with pictures of me both now and as a child and a few pictures of my sons. I was hoping to tug at his heart a little. The letter was dropped off Friday afternoon. So far I haven't heard anything.

In the mean time, I was looking online to make sure I had all the information I could get on his kids in case I need to contact them. I noticed that his daughter (my possible half sister) is linked to a couple of Wampanoag (Native American) websites. As far as I know, to be involved with those things you have to BE Wampanoag. Now I am wondering if she is part Wampanoag, which parent does it come from? Her mother or her father? If it is her father, that would mean I may be part Wampanoag...

I do know plenty of people who are part of the tribe but I don't want to come right out and ask because I don't want them to think I'm trying to be like them or anything like that. I really just don't know. The last thing I want to do is offend anyone. However, I would like to find out if there is any Wampanoag heritage on my (probable) birth father's side.

I'm not really sure how to go about this. I've tried looking things up online and I feel like I'm looking for a needle in a haystack. I'm not sure where to start. I have already cancelled my accounts with and can't afford to reinstate it. Does anyone have any ideas? I don't want to go barking up any trees that will cause anyone to mistrust me or take offense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2010
Re: Adult Adoptee trying not to make waves....
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 2:48pm
Have you heard back from him yet?

I agree that it might take him some time to process the possibility that he has an adult child out there.

Since you aren't certain that he is your bio dad, I'm a little confused as to why you OK'd the letter to be left at his house. His wife may have opened it before he had a chance. It's possible she chose not to give it to him or maybe there's a lot of drama at his house now. Was it not possible to deliver the letter to him at his work?