Birthmom concerns

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2010
Birthmom concerns
Thu, 07-15-2010 - 3:39pm
So we did our monthly check ins with the agencies and left a message for the one up here but spoke to the one in Florida. My husband likes to check in and I would rather not....for this reason...She said she actually just met with a family who is due in a few weeks and want an out of state couple...sounds good right? Unfortunately, the mother has bipolar disorder and we know the chance of passing it on to the child is more than we'd like. Part of me feels like, this could be it...give our daughter a sister and stop the waiting process and take the chances of the outcome. The other part of me feels like we should not take something we're not sure of (though you're never really sure of anything in the adoption process as we all know) but will this be the only opportunity for us for a year or more. Is it right for us now? Is it wrong for us to question it? I always hear that when it's right, you know and there's no second thoughts. Are we being too specific about what we want and why do I feel bad about turning down one when there's so many out there who would do it. I know people get matched and then it falls through or wait for years and years...I just didn't know how I would feel if something came up that we weren't prepared to take.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2009
Thu, 07-15-2010 - 3:42pm

First? I would like to say every question you're asking yourself, many of us on the board have had in the past. You're not alone!

I think you should consult physicians/resources and get as educated as you can on the condition and then make your decision as a family. I have no advice as to which choice would be right for you, that's up to you all... However, I agree that when it's your baby, it'll all work out. PPT for you and this situation!


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
Thu, 07-15-2010 - 10:47pm

Sorry, no magic answer here, just P&PT, with a little food for thought. Something I learned while managing an ICU & doing job interviews that we've used in assessing potential adoption situations.

"A yes is a yes, a no is a no, and a maybe is always a no"

We know what we're definitely comfortable with, and what we're definitely not, and when we were in doubt, we chose to pass. Everyone has a different threshold for risk, and it's tempting to fluctuate in such an emotional time, but you need to know what you're OK with.

Again, many P&PT to you!

Deb, mom to Evan, 9/2007, matched & waiting for 7/24/10
Deb, mom to Evan, 9/2007, and Morgan, 7/29/10, waiting for end of revocation 8/9, and finalization 8/20.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2002
Sun, 07-18-2010 - 1:56pm

Lots of ((hugs))

Its very easy to think logically with your head before