Birthmother needs advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2010
Birthmother needs advice
Mon, 11-29-2010 - 1:14am

I am 30 weeks pregnant and have chosen adoptive parents for the baby.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2008
Mon, 11-29-2010 - 11:08am

I normally lurk as I have a daughter through adoption and we want to adopt again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2002
Mon, 11-29-2010 - 12:16pm

I'm so sorry to hear that you're having to deal with added stress late in your pregnancy.

I believe that you 100% deserve to know the details of the complaint. Their reluctance to address the situation directly would make me nervous as well.

If you don't feel that this family is right, trust your instincts. You have chosen adoption because it is what you feel is best for your child. Just the fact that they have avoided addressing this issue after you asked them about it directly makes me wonder if they are also committed to what's best for the child.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're in this position. :-( Hang in there and trust yourself!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2010
Mon, 11-29-2010 - 12:40pm

I think you should go with your gut! Tell them by phone or email you need to know point blank in order to feel at peace with making the placement. If they can't tell you, move on to another family so can you feel good about your baby being safe and happy. Best wishes to you, take care


January 3, 2011-We have our first meeting for homestudy! January 27, 2011-Homestudy complete
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Mon, 11-29-2010 - 2:41pm

I think that they should 100% tell you what the complaint is about.

Avatar for troynkel
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 7:40am

WELCOME to the group.

UVA 2010 siggie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 9:33am

I agree with the pp about getting a copy of the homestudy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2008
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 10:42am

welcome! i am also a birthmommy and i know how hard it is to make such a difficult decision. i think you have every right to know the truth before you can be sure and feel safe with your decision. i also know that like a pp said the possible family is probably really worried too, but you need to feel 100% before you can make the decision.

like i said before i know how it feels to be making the decision about your childs family but i have also seen the heartbreak of a couple who the birthmother changed her mind in the last week. that is why you should tell them they need to be honest so you can feel comfortable reassure them that you chose them for a reason but you need to know everything for your peace of mind.

good luck and keep us posted. i like having other birthmommies here. adoption is such a wonderful thing from every aspect.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2007
Fri, 12-03-2010 - 4:26pm

Adoption is a rollout dice with your child in the best circumstances.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 12-07-2010 - 9:10am

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this so close to your due date.

There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2008
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 2:52am
I'm a lurker on this board, but I had to put in my opinion. I agree with all the previous people. I was adopted and had an abusive, unsupportive mother. Part of my situation, is my step-dad who put me up for adoption was not forthcoming with all the facts and fabricated othe lies. Depsite all that, my adoptive mother was more concerned with her reputation than doing what was necessary to take care of myself and my biological sister. If you are not absolutely sure this is going to work out for your child, by all means, do not follow through with this couple. HTH.. Sending P&PT your way.. I know it's a hard enough decision to make in the first place.