HI Everyone!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
HI Everyone!!!
5
Sat, 09-15-2012 - 10:56pm

Hello Everyone ~

I'm so sorry I disappeared for a while!  I had trouble with logging in for a while, then I started a new job, my department was consolidated with someone else's and I took on that department as well, we went on vacation and then I simply forgot to come back!  I'm so embarrased about that.  

Needless to say, this summer was super busy!

Our 2 fosters (#9 & #10) went home in July.  We had a 3 week break and then in the course of 2 weeks got three more placements. Right now we're a family of 7 with a 11 month old girl, our 2 year old daughter, two 3 yo boys, and our 5 year old.  We expect the baby to go home in a couple weeks and one of our boys to go home next week so we'll be back down to 3!  It's been super fun and really crazy all at the same time especially with 3 different cases at the same time.

I've also been frantically working on finishing my dissertation so I can graduate this fall.  As of Friday my professor said I have minor edits left, which I'm making this weekend, and then I can defend on October 18th!  YAY!!!  

How is everyone?  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2001
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 2:05am

Sounds like you have been incredibly busy and incredibly happy.  A family of seven!  Holy cat!  

Congratulations on nearly being finished with your degree!  That's great news.  A lot of new news with you.

As you know (facebook) Grayson is nearing 4 months old and growing beautifully.  He started eating cereal this week and he's a pro.  :smileyhappy:  He loves it! 

Hubby interviewed today to take us closer to the grandparents as it's killing them to be thousands of miles away.  They all adore him.  

I don't come here much anymore.  But I'm enjoying every moment of parenthood.  Brent is smitten as well.  I knew this would be fun, but I had no idea how much!   

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 10:11pm

Hi Karla!  I absolutely love watching you raise Grayson (from far away).  It just warms my heart!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2012
Wed, 10-10-2012 - 3:16pm

Hello, I am new to ivillage and my hubby and I are new to fostering. Sounds like you have fostered several cases. We have two (our 1st) for a year age 8 a boy and 9 a girl. They are a mess and so are we. Mom just signed off and adoption is up and coming, but for now I go to work everyday in tears and the boy is so angry and disrespectful to us I am at whits end. Any advise???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 10:04am
Hi, Maddie. Welcome to the group! Are the kids (and you) seeing a counselor yet? Was your home their first foster home? I wonder if maybe the kids are worried that they'll be alone again and don't understand that you and DH are there for them no matter what. Do you know a lot about their home life prior to being removed from their bio mom?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 1:55pm

Hi Maddie -

I have so much to say!  Welcome to ivillage and to fostering.

I agree that starting with counseling and possibly a psych eval may be warranted.  We often see attachment related challenges with children that manifest in anger-related symptoms.  I know how hard this can be.  We've had primarily younger kiddos so these types of challenges have been more mild but definitely there.  They are often a symptom of RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) and this is a very hard thing to treat and takes stubborn commitment and consistent, high-quality treatment. 

How long have you had them?  Is your intent to adopt?

If your intent is to adopt I'd definitely seek family and individual therapy and work very closely with your agency to understand the trauma your children have gone through and the prognosis a qualified therapist (psychologist & psychiatrist) gives for your children.  The biggest risk is finalizing an adoption and later finding out there are significant mental health problems that lead to a dissolution of the adoption (or worse).  If you are considering adoption and want to parent these two children it can be done but its best to know as much as you can upfront. 

On the other hand, if you aren't considering adoption, working with the agency to find these two their permanent home ASAP is critical.  They need stability and every move from here on out will deepen their scars.

I'm happy to be available to talk more on the boards or in private if you wish about your challenges.

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