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|Wed, 10-17-2012 - 10:54pm|
Hi all, this is my (our story)
Myself and DH met when we were both 18 years old working on a holiday camp miles
away from our home towns. Within 2 days we knew we were head over heals in love
and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We moved back and forth
between each others home towns (200 miles apart) for a few years and after 2 years
started to experience pains.
I paid a visit to my GP where I was diagnosed with IBS and treated for it. The
pain however still continued and on some occassions was so unbearable I couldn't
move. A few weeks before my 21st birthday I went into hospital for a lap and dye
test and when I awoke to excruciating pain I was told you have blocked tubes and
your chances of conceiving are slim to none. I remember that day like it was
yesterday, it was so impersonal and my whole world was shattered. My Mom
collected me to take me home as I could not face my DH (BF at the time). I felt
like I had let him down etc. Because I had been told I could not conceive it made
me all the more determined to have a baby and we started on the IVF route.
We were living in my home town at the time and we put our name on the waiting list
for IVF treatment. This again set us back but there was nothing we could do about
it. Things were tough for us and we parted. DH moved back to his home town and
we didn't speak for a month or 2. We then realised that we couldn't live without
each other and started to make the 200 mile trip each weekend to visit each other.
We decided that for us to make it work we would save and I would move to his home
town. Whilst we were saving and visiting etc I got a letter from the hospital to
say we were now top of the list. Our appointment was for 25th Septmember (DH
Birthday) I called him to tell him and he did probably the hardest thing he's ever
had to do. He told me he would not come back and I needed to tell the hospital we
no longer wished to go through with it. Again this shattered my world BUT I
understood his reasons.
After 10 months of saving we finally had enough money for me to move to DH home
town and we found a place to live. Once we were settled we planned our marriage
and said our vows in 2002. We were then ready to go back to the doctors to see if
we could be put on the NHS waiting list for tx. Again we were advised this could
be a 3 year waiting list but we had no choice. In the meantime DH was tested and
found that he had low sperm count. He was devastated but I think he felt relieved
that it was also his problem too now and not just me.
In 2004 we had the phone call to start tx and spent many visits to and from
hospital collecting needles and potions etc. I was sooo scared of needles and
remember I was going on a girly weekend and had to inject myself. I stood for an
hour tears streaming down my face with the needle next to my tummy, after I
finally plucked up the courage I felt sooo silly cos it didn't hurt. It all seems
a blur now (I tend to block out bad things in my life) but I remeber being told we
had really good embryos and remained really positive. After our 2ww the day
before I was to do the test I started cramping and new all our dreams were gone,
true enough AF arrived later that day. I was destroyed. We knew we couldn't pay
for further tx so we looked at all other options. When we had our follow up
appointment we were so set on egg sharign and were really excited, when we were in
the room having our discussion another blow came when the doctor sadi well
actually your eggs are no good (why were we told they were)? So that was that it
was all over. So.... we were left empty, I remember blaming DH for everything and
it was a really tough tough time. DH got me a chocolate lab to try to take away
some of the hurt and I showered all my love into our new fur baby Oscar. I was
still so desperate to become a Mommy so we applied to adopt.
The SW visited us and at the end of the meeting she recomended that we waited, we
were in rented accomodation, had only mis carried 2 months previously and had a
new puppy. I look back now and think god what were we thinking. I guess we were
just so bereaved.
So..... we got on with life and tried to live it after all the years of trying and
the heartache. The follwoing year in 2006 was my Mom's 60th birthday, we held a
surprise party for her and when we got home my DH said sit down I need to tell you
something. He announced to me that my 17 year old niece was preganant, everyone
knew but it was sooo soon after our mis carriage that no one would dare tell me.
I was heartbroken. I called my niece shouted and screamed at her and she just
creid on the phone, i will never forget that. Anyway my gorgeous Great nephew was
born in Movember 2006 a month premature weighing 5lb 6ozs. We went to my home
town to visit and I immediately fell in love with this dear littel boy, he was 5
Things weren't good for my niece, she was in a violent relationship, drug and
alcohol mis use and things were pretty bad. When my Great Nephew was 4 months old
he was taken into care. The day I found out I called Social Services and said IF
this little boy needed someone to care for him myself and DH would do that as we
wanted to keep him safe. In April 2007 we hadn't heard anything so I called to
see what was happening, all the time I was getting regular info from my Mother.
Social Services advised they could not discuss the case as my niece was then 18
and it was up to her to tell us. It was left with well if you need us were here.
Out of the blue in October 2007 we had a phonecall from a SW to say we need
somewhere permanent for baby could we pay you a visit. We obviously agreed. When
they visited I think they were shocked at how different we are compared to my
niece and her mother (my sister) we own our own home we both have good jobs and we
have a good way of life with nice things. I think they were genuinely shocked at
the difference. Anyway they advised that baby had severe developmental problems
etc and he may even be autistic, we said we didn't care as long as we could have
him with family. The visit went really well and in November my Great nephew
turned 1, none of his family were with him on his 1st birthday but he had a fab
time with FC. Just before Xmas 2007 we had a phonecall from SW and she advised
plan for little one is now adoption, we had to think if it's what we wanted with
no conatct for birth parents or maternal grand parents. Christmas came and went
and we decided it was something we still wanted to go ahead with.
In February 2008 we went to meet little one for the first time. The weather was
horrendous and the road to FC's house was blocked and the police would not let us
through. We were devestated. We drove the 200 mile journey home and I cried all
the way. A couple of weeks later we made the journey again and we finally saw
this dear little boy, I remember what he was wearing, what the weather was like
and I ran to him when he was snuggled into FC. We spent an hour with him and
again I cried all the way home. Can you fall in love with children? Cos I did
this day. My song to him is "First time ever I saw your face".
Well to cut a long story short there were court meetings after court meetings and
4 months of 400 mile round trips to see him every weekend and buckets of tears
shed there and back every week, he came home for a visit May bank holiday weekend
2008 and he stayed he was 18 months old had just started walking and his first
words were Da da to my DH. It was a big shock to our world after 11 years
together on our own but it was right. Social service advised that there was a
wait to start the adoption process and it kept getting out further and further
back. We think because they knew he was safe with us they didn't push. So after
a year in May 2009 we applied to adopt ourselves as he had been paced with us as
his relative carers for 1 year. They accepted. March 18th 2010 we went to our
local family court and the 3 judges concluded that myself DH and DS would be a
forever family. it was the happiest day of our lives, words cannot explain. He's
just turned 5 in November, is finding his feet, his likes dislikes and is the most
amazing son in the whole entire world. Our bond is sooooo strong and will never
be broken. There's not a day goes by without him saying Mommy, I love you. He
had his first nativity play today and he saw me in the audience and blew me
kisses, he melted my heart.
Our DS is ALL we ever wanted and he completes us, I know now that all the
heartache and pain was for a reason. Someone had greater expectations of us in
life and we were put on this earth to be Mommy and Daddy to this little boy.
I hope that everyone can experience the love and the completness we have, this
whole infertility life is hard and cruel but there is light at the end of the
tunnel for everyone, it's hard to see at times but we got there and life is
Thank you for reading my story, sorry it was sooo long.
Kerry, Mark and Joshua xx