met 17 mo old avail help need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2010
met 17 mo old avail help need advice
12
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 8:14am

Hello,

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 8:41am

Hi Laura,


This is really such a personal decision.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 10:22am

I'm a big believer in having every bit of information you can have to make the best decision for you and for the child. You should be able to see all of his medical records, in addition, can you ask to have him evaluated for special needs? I'm not sure how it's done in other places or in this type of situation, here the special needs preschool will evaluate any child under 6 for free. That would give you a good idea of where he is on meeting milestones, they may not be able to tell if delays are caused by neglect and could be overcome with time and attention or if they're caused by something more serious that may more permanent but at least you'd know where he is now.

Good luck with your decision, it's so hard to think about passing on a situation not knowing how long your wait could be if you say no to a placement.

Photobucket
Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers

July 15, 2008 - Decided on Social Service Adoption then spent 3 months paying off all my bills
October 14, 2008 - Submitted agency application
January 20, 2009 - Homestudy home visit
March 5, 2009

Photobucket

July 15, 2008 - Decided on Social Servi

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2009
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 1:12pm

Hi Laura! Dee and Tracy both have very good advice. I would like to add that my husband and I were presented with a match last year that sounded great and then more and more conflicting information was revealed, we had to decide whether or not to continue the match. We called a bout 4 doctor friends, a SW and our pastor to help us weigh our options and honestly, risks. We pursued that adoption 100% but it fell through in the end for other reasons.


I encourage you to call upon your resources (friends, family, church, medical professionals, it sounds like an occupational therapist would be a good contact) and make the best, educated decision you can.


I honestly believe God will give you a black and white decision that is clear.


Best wishes!

Photobucket
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2008
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 1:29pm

Laura -


I agree with previous posters this is something only you & DH can truly decide.


However, I read your post and am concerned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 3:42pm

I had my answer brewing in my head before I read the other posts...and then I read them. All have excellent points.

First, separate this child from your decision for the moment. Would you be happy adopting a perfectly healthy 17 month old, or will you always wish for the infant days you will miss with this child?

Next, I'm not thrilled that they're in a big hurry. Obviously, you can't put all the info you have on the net here, and I don't expect you to, but I have to wonder _why_ they are in a big hurry.

Third, I'd want to either see his medical records or take him to a pediatrician who has seen adopted older children (e.g. international adoptions) or a child psychologist to assess what his deficits are. Something is not right, either with how he has been treated or something "organic" that he was born with. You should know as much as possible about this situation before making such a big decision.

Sending many prayers & hugs your way. You've got our support 100% no matter what you decide.

Much love,


Deb, mom to Evan, 9/2007, matched & waiting for 7/24/10
Deb, mom to Evan, 9/2007, and Morgan, 7/29/10, waiting for end of revocation 8/9, and finalization 8/20.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2010
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 4:19pm

Thank you everyone for your good advice and sharing of experience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2008
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 4:54pm

Laura -


Thank you for following back up so quickly!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2001
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 6:28pm

((Laura))


I agree with Dee.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2002
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 7:55pm
This is such a hard decision. I'd ask for all of his medical records. I would also meet with a social worker and ask all of these questions. The fact that he jumped when touched makes me think maybe he is/was abused? Can you flat out ask that?
You will need to know that in order to know how to deal with him and do whats best etc.

As far as adopting an older baby..only YOU can answer that.
We adopted an 11 month old, and I LOVE it. It was wonderful to not have to deal with the sleepless nights etc. BUT I had already done that newborn thing before so I had experienced it and knew what I was missing and what I wasn't.

Just pray for clarity and you
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2010
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 11:01pm

Its so comforting to know you ladies understand what we're going through.

Pages