Sending pictures to B-parents

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2002
Sending pictures to B-parents
7
Sat, 09-18-2010 - 11:10am

I just wanted to bring this up as a reminder or eye-opener to A-parents or potential A-parents...although I am sure some of you already know and do this :)

We are required by the agency to send 8 pictures a month to Riley's b-parents for the 1st year.
The 1st month I felt afraid/sad/scared/nervous to send them in fear of upsetting them, making them regret their decision etc. :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Sat, 09-18-2010 - 6:28pm
Hello! I don't post here very often. We are just getting into a foster-to-adopt program. Just had to say how amazingly adorable your siggie is. Looks like some great summer fun for your boys! Such cuties!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Sat, 09-18-2010 - 11:58pm

Oh that's so good to hear!!! I'm so glad she's enjoying her pictures. I do think for the most part that pictures help more than they hurt.

Your siggie is a.d.o.r.a.b.l.e btw!




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March 2003 - started TTC


July 2006 - sent into packet into adoption agency


January 2007 - finally Approved!!!


May 2007 - met an emom at the agency who chose another family


July 2007 - formally matched w/ emom


October 2007 - our daughter is born :)


November 2007 - found out bfather was contesting. stuck in ICPC limbo for 3.5 months


Feb 2008 - court didn't go well for bfather and he voluntarily relinquished rights


Feb 2009 - finally had enough funds to pursue IVF treatments. scheduled to start in August.


June 2010 - surprised with positive pregnancy test!


January 2010 - our son is born :)










iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2002
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 8:37pm
Thanks Ladies!! I actually made this one!
I have been doing digi-scrapbooking for about a year and thought I'd try to make a siggie :)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2008
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 9:05pm

I have to agree about the pics. I sent our b-mom a little video clip that I took with my phone a few weeks ago. i'd been wanting to send it for a while, but thought it might be too much for her. She totally loved it, and wants more. She loves seeing everyone with Sofia, and I have to say that seeing photos of your child's entire life helps reinforce the reasons they placed with you in the first place. Our birth mom at least really wants to see that our daughter is loved and happy. She picked us based on what we showed her about our lives, and she wants to know that those things, those reasons, are still true. They don't expect portraits constantly, I think it helps to see them as a part of the whole family and lets them know that you are happy and proud to have them in your life. It might be hard at first, but really I think it helps to see the big picture. If you have an open relationship where you send photos, I would talk to your b-mom about it, but don't be afraid to show them your family. They are probably trying to picture it, and have been trying, since before they even placed with you. It shows so much love and trust to do that, but it's so worth it in the end. That one picture might open your relationship to a good place.

Just my 2 cents ;)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2009
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 11:42pm

We have also had a similar experience. While ours is a "semi-open" adoption, and there is little chance of actually meeting face to face, "M" has requested pics of Eliana a couple of times. She says she wants to know how she is doing. I have been thrilled to send her pictures, even when it wasn't part of the schedule originally agreed to. Both times I have included a note for her, telling her about Eliana's development, and emphasizing how healthy she is, how much we love her, how much everyone in our lives love her, and how much we respect and are grateful to "M". The reaction, as relayed to me after the last album I sent, was that "M" felt a little sad a first, seeing how big Eliana has gotten. But then she saw how happy she looked, smiling away, and how happy our whole family looks, and felt happy herself, and very secure in her decision.

I find it interesting that I do not feel concerned or threatened in any way by "M"'s requests for more pics. On the other hand, I am eager to show her how beautifully Eliana is growing, because I know that she will be glad to see it, and that it will help her to feel at peace with her decision. And I get to express again how thrilled we are to have Eliana in our family, and how grateful we are to her.

I also think that it's important to show "M" Eliana within the context of our family. After all, she picked us because of our family. She felt a connection to me, and Sammy (because of his smile). So, I think it would make her happy to see Eliana with us. And apparently I'm right :-)



Eliana

Eliana
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2008
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 2:28pm

Jenn you are spot-on! Sometimes imagining all the 'thomas toys' or whatever is impossible - when I got to go see leighton's room myself I was beyond excited! now they're further away but I got pictures of his new room, and him and his brother playing together in their new toy room etc.



Also, love seeing how he fills their hearts by seeing photos of everyone doing fun things :)




leighton.gif image by cheerios2004
Avatar for karenmtbc
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 11:18am
Great topic, Adrienne! I also felt VERY worried about sending pictures during the first few months of "required" letters and pictures. I dropped off the pictures one day and got to talking with one of the reps from the agency. She said, "Birth parents LOVE to see pictures. And they love to see pictures of their child with you, your spouse, with the family... they want to know who is in her life." After that, I began to send more and more pictures, and include some of DH & I, Ellie with her grandparents, Ellie with my God-daughter... I don't hear much from birthmom, but birth grandma (who sees the pics on FB) always thanks me for posting them. She feels better knowing that Ellie is loved, happy, and healthy.
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