While we have not officially adopted our two fostersons we are hoping to do that early next year.
We finalized our adoption of sibling brothers in July. They came to us via fostercare when they were 2 yrs old and 3 1/2 weeks old. The baby is now 19 mos and his older brother is 3.5.
As Danae said, you'd be surprised how much he may not "care". We changed our childrens names for their safety. Our older son always called us mom and dad from day 1. (even though for months they saw their bios at visits). We too are not hiding anything from them being adopted. When they are older and it is more appropriate, we will help them find bio (ifi they want to) and tell them how they came into our family.
As long as your DH loves him and is his daddy, much else won't matter at this age. IMO there really isn't much to tell your son right now. In his mind your DH is daddy and thats just fine!!
I have an aquaitence that had a daughter to a "dead beat" and her DH adopted her when she was older. Her ONLY concern was that she wanted the same last name as her dad and mom.
I think it is very important that your son learn this information now, before it becomes something you have to sit him down and tell him like it's a huge bomb.
I think it's great that you plan to put together a book about DS adoption.
I know my situation is a bit different than most of the others on here. In my family, I am the step-parent who adopted my husband's daughter. Here is a short version of our story. My husband and I met when our daughter was 4 months old. We have had her full time since she was about 6 months old. Her bio mother basically didn't want anything to do with her and has only seen her a handful of times her entire life (she is now 6 years old). We got married when she was 3 years old, her bio mother signed over her rights, and I adopted her a few months later. I am the only mother she has ever known. I have always wanted her to know from a young age that I was not the one who gave birth to her because I have seen what can happen when a person finds out later in life that they were adopted. Last year, she made the comment, "Mommy, when I was a baby, I was in your belly," but it was more of a question, like she was waiting for me to confirm it for her. We ended up having a talk that she came from another lady's belly, but God wanted us together, so he brought her and Daddy to me. A few months after that we were talking about babies and she said, "remember I came from another lady's belly?" and was totally ok with it, so I was glad that months after we talked about it, she still remembered, because it was really hard for me to have to tell her that. Well, I recently had my first biological child, her brother, and today we were talking about when I was pregnant, and she said, "Who was in your belly?" and I said, "Your brother." She said, "No, I was first, then him." My heart broke all over again because I realize now that she doesn't remember what we talked about last year and I will have to tell her all over again. I am afraid it will hurt her this time, now that she has a brother from "my belly" because she was adamant when she corrected me that she was in there first. I love the idea of the book, but do you think it would still work since I can't put pictures of the bio mom while she was pregnant with her? I do have ultrasound and "birth day" pictures, but this really freaks me out.
Hi Ladies! I'm coming from the side of the adopted child here...my dad adopted me after he married my mom. She and my bdad split when I was 2-ish, then she met my dad when I was 3, they married when I was 4, and he adopted me when I was in kindergarten.
Jemma (35) and DH, (37). Married October 13, 2007 and TTCing since April 2008. Dealing with PCOS, swollen tubes, and also MFI. Committing myself to getting healthy and losing weight in preparation for IVF later in 2012.