What's the dumbest comment ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2002
What's the dumbest comment ?
40
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 10:19am
What's

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 10:34am

Great comeback!! i often think of a good one after the fact but when the comment is actually made, I am just too flabbergasted to respond well!

I recently had a 'friend" say, "oh, I bet if Emma's mother new how healthy she was going to turn out, she'd want her back." Ugh!!!

Emma's birth family did not make an adoption plan because she was born with a congenital heart defect. Actually, they made the plan BEFORE Emma was born and the defect discovered. And, though we live far apart, we keep in monthly contact and they KNOW and can see how well she is doing and are thrilled!

People REALLY need to think before they speak!!

Claire

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2008
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 11:41am

It's funny, because I know I've had some doozies, but Thursday was one of the most interesting. I was a fabric store, and the lady commented on how beautiful Sofi is, then asked her nationality, then asked if she was adopted. I said yes, because she sounded well meaning... but then she asked if she could speak English. Um, well... she can't speak any language because she's a BABY....

That one kind of floored me, and then she went on to tell me about this Indian guy she was engaged to in college (she's in her 50's now). It was a weird conversation at best, but she was cutting my fabric, so I had to stand there. So strange!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 11:46am

I was at the grocery store with my former foster son, who is AA. he was not quite 1 and a half. He was sitting in the cart all happy as can be while we were going down the isles. an older woman came up and coo'd at him ... he grinned back really wide. then, she turned to me and said "Oh he's so adorable! Where did you GET him?"

ok, so a very white mom and a very AA child does NOT MEAN that I "GOT" him anywhere!

I KNEW by the way she said it exactly what she meant ... but, I was annoyed as heck with the comment, so I responded "Isle 6. they are having a special!" and then walked off.

















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Avatar for olgafelton
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 12:39pm
After meeting with our girls birthmom, got a question from a friend (a new friend who is unfamiliar with adoption language) "Is their mom gonna take them back?" I am glad my girls were not there to hear this!!! My answer was "Their bithmom does not have any legal right to take them back and is happy with them with us."


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www.conniemom24andcounting.blogspot.com
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Th
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 12:49pm
"How could anyone NOT want her?", I've gotten it a few times. I think because of Lydia's special needs people get the idea that her "real parents" didn't want her because she wasn't perfect. I usually just say that with the extent of her needs her birth parents didn't feel capable of caring for her. No one has to know that, while they did voluntarily TPR, it would have been done anyway but it didn't have anything to do with whether or not they WANTED her.

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Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers

July 15, 2008 - Decided on Social Service Adoption then spent 3 months paying off all my bills
October 14, 2008 - Submitted agency application
January 20, 2009 - Homestudy home visit
March 5, 2009

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July 15, 2008 - Decided on Social Servi

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 1:56pm

I've gotten the "she's so beautiful"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2009
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 10:06pm

Well... had I seen this post before this evening, I would have said the father of one of the kids on Sammy's Little League team who saw me every week at practice for weeks, and when we suddenly showed up with Eliana said, "Were you pregnant and I didn't notice?" That comment is truly dumb.

Or the girl who tried to reassure me that Eliana would look more like me when she gets older because her skin will get lighter. Again, dumb... but well intentioned.

HOWEVER, if you mean hurtful and ridiculous and rude (as all of the previous responses are) then I think this evening takes the cake. We were at a family party with several people who had not yet met Eliana. Mike's great aunt was commenting that it was great that we were able to get her so young "because they usually try to get rid of the older ones first." Get rid of?????

So, it totally wasn't worth getting angry about it because she's in her 90's, and we see her once or twice a year, and there were all these people there. So, I just explained that we had used an agency that does mostly infant adoptions, that you are more likely to adopt an older child if you go through the foster system or adopt internationally, that her wonderful birth mother had chosen us, and that yes, we were very happy that she came home so soon.

Of course, just because I resisted the urge to yell at her doesn't mean that the night did not end without yelling... the party concluded with two relatives screaming at each other about a long-standing family feud in a parking lot with everybody else staring at them like they were crazy. Nice.


Eliana

Eliana
Avatar for lildaus
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 10:30pm

I think I've heard all of the ones mentioned before, to some degree.

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Avatar for cl_troynkel
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 10:30pm
Jenna - LMAO!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 10:53pm

I have had many ignorant comments (which BTW, I don't get react to NEARLY as bad anymore because I know people usually mean well, they just don't always know how to phrase things very well)

But hands down the DUMBEST comment that I've gotten TWICE was-

"Where did you adopt your son from?"

"Pennsylvania."

"Oh is he Amish?"

LOL, how does one respond to that???!!! Because ALL people from PA are Amish? And Amish are KNOWN for placing their kids for adoption?? Are there are a lot of AA Amish people out there that I don't know about??? lol

OMG, I just said "No" and moved on quickly! People! HA!

Allison 1/3/09
Levi

Allison 1/3/09

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