Pain, frustration, guilt - the joys of breastfeeding. I need your help!
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|Thu, 02-21-2013 - 9:12am|
This morning, after yet another sleepless night (6 month old wakes up at 3:30 am ) I kind of made my decision... I'm not going to do this any longer. My baby boy is EBF (I started to give him some rice cereal about a month ago, hoping it would help him sleep, the joke's on me though). He's a big baby, wears a size 12-18 months already. I work full time, leave the house at 6:30 am and come back around 5:30 pm. I pump at 10 and 2. Please look at the pros and cons and help me make the right decision. I really hope this is not one of those 'BF even if it kills you' forums ;)
-BF great for baby
-I BFd my daughter for over a year - I feel like a horrible mother depriving my son of it so early (in my defence though: I had a much less stressful job back then, with a lot less responsibilities and nobody cared hom many times a day I snuck out to pump)
- pain - my left nipple has been torn for over 2 months - no chance to heal bc DS is rough with it
- very very stressful job - it's stressful scheduling meetings around pumping sessions, sitting in meetings and doing presentations when my boobs get sore and engorged
- lack of sleep - because I'm the only source of food for the baby, I get to sleep about 4 hours at night, ending up exhausted, cranky
- I already had mastitis twice with this baby, a clogged duct at least 3 times. Due mainly to pumping sessions at work skipped or cut short because of a hectic schedule
- schlepping everywhere with that f***ing cooler. I know it's just an inconvenience but I hate this. Wearing a fancy suit and dangling a bag of milk everywhere I go. I want my body and my dignity back (prancing around the house topless, airing my sore nipples doesn't do much to one's self esteem)
Please don't judge me, I'm trying to do my best, but as I was walking to the bus stop this morning crying, I thought: is this worth it? Wouldn't my family be happier if I was happier? I mean, over 6 months of breastmilk isn't too bad, plus I obviously wouldn't stop cold turkey, I was thinking about pumping once a day starting next week and then going to morning and nighttime breastfeeding until I'm out of milk.