I need some sleep help desperatley! :(
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I need some sleep help desperatley! :(
| Wed, 12-27-2006 - 9:20pm |
Let me start out by saying that my son is a HORRIBLE sleeper!
| Wed, 12-27-2006 - 9:20pm |
Let me start out by saying that my son is a HORRIBLE sleeper!
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Hi Missy,
I feel your pain! My DS is almost 9 months old. He never was a good sleeper, and then when he was 4 months old and I went back to work, he got worse! He would wake 5 times a night, minimum, and would CRY CRY CRY while DH tried for 45 minutes to soothe him. I always ended up nursing him, which of course made the vicious cycle worse.
You can break the vicious cycle, but it will not be easy. There are different approaches to getting your little one to sleep on his own. We tried the No-Cry Sleep Solution (book by Elizabeth Pantley) first, since we were certain we could not let DS cry it out (we ende dup being wrong, but more on that later). This method encourages you to maintain the routine your DS is used to, but each night, shorten the duration of whatever your routine is. For example, if you nurse DS for 40 minutes to get him to sleep, tonight try doing it for 35 minutes. Then tomorrow 30, then 25, etc. When you complete the nursing session and it comes time to put him down (and this step will likely be an important one for your little guy, who appears to know exactly when his tush hits his mattress, lol!), hold him tight to your chest, bend over and keep holding him tight as his body comes into contract with the mattress. (this may require your elevating his mattress a bit.) I would spend no fewer than 5-10 minutes some nights bent over Theo's co-sleeper, hugging him tightly, and gradually lessening my grip, letting go ever so gently, so that eventually I could rest one hand on his belly, keeping my face near his (so he could hear my breathing), and gently remove the other one from underneath him. I would then gradually reduce the pressure of my hand on his belly until I could walk away soundlessly, and usually, this was a very effective (but again, labor-intensive!) method of getting him to stay alseep when I put him down. Pantley calls it the "Pantley Gentle Removal Method." Eventually you decrease the amount of time you spend on the gentle removal method too, until you can simply put the little boy in bed, rub his belly, and get him to sleep.
Or so the theory goes. It did not work for us, despite 10 weeks of very hard work. The problem, we found, was that when Theo awoke in the night, he would remember having fallen asleep nursing, and so would naturally assume he needed to be nursed back to sleep every time he awoke. Since I was working, I could not continue to nurse him every time he awoke and be awake enough to watch the clock every time he woke up so that I could gradually reduce the time we spent nursing and on the gentle removal method routine. I ended up falling asleep with DS attached to the breast every night! So finally, DH and I resorted to CIO. I know it is not popular on this board or anywhere else, but I do think that it can be a very effective way to get your child to learn to fall asleep on his own.
For Theo, thank goodness, it literally took about 20 minutes and he was off to more restful nights, waking only once. The first night, we put him in his crib AWAKE. (This is very important, since the little ones will be alone and awake in the middle of the night, and they need to recall that when they first fell asleep they were alone and awake as well.) He very naturally cried. After 4 minutes of crying, we went to him, laid him down, gave him his paci and blankie, rubbed him and spoke to him tenderly, but did not pick him up, then left. He of course continued to cry. We waited six minutes and did the same thing. He cried again, but this time we waited 8 minutes, and we did it again. He cried for 3 minutes or so, and THEN HE FELL ASLEEP!! I am not saying that sitting through 20 minutes of my son's heartrending tears was easy on us or on him, but it did work. That first night, he woke once or twice, cried mildly for about 10 minutes each time, and then fell asleep without help from us.
That said, I know that some babies can cry for *much* longer and much more pitifully than Theo did, making CIO impossible. Maybe the No-Cry Sleep Solution is a better way to start, since your little guy is older and more set in his ways than ours was.
HTH!
Jeanine
I want to second what Theo's Mama said. I also tried the No Cry solution first, and it didn't work. I was losing weight, getting angry and bordering on depression. My DS was also a fabulous sleeper until around 4 1/2 months. I did not think that I could do CIO because when I tried it, he could cry for hours, and he could also get so hysterical that he would throw up. But he was crying all night even in my arms or in my bed or with me on a mattress next to his crib, and I was crying all day and something had to give. He was a frequent night waker, and could stay awake for hours in the middle of the night, even in my arms. Finally my pediatrician told me that I needed to get him back into the habit of sleeping longer, and she recommended giving him benedryl for the first few nights of CIO so that he would be too tired to cry for hours, and hopefully wouldn't throw up. The first night was rough, and he did gag a bit and cry for about an hour, but then it got better. I still did many of the things I was doing while trying the No-Cry ways like keeping a consistent night time routine, etc. I still rock and nurse him down every night, but I don't worry about if he falls totally asleep or not. Many nights and naps he does, some he doesn't, but I still put him down in his crib. For naps, I leave him in there at least one hour whether he sleeps, plays, or fusses. It didn't take long for him to realize that he needed to sleep then. Now I had another rough patch when he learned how to pull up, because he wanted to spend his whole nap standing. Same for night time. I read, rock and nurse, and then put him down. Most nights he is totally asleep when I put him in his crib, but once I put him down, I don't go back in if he wakes up. Again, once he figured this out, he figured out how to settle himself. For my son, the "kinder and gentler" CIO methods made him hysterical. If I tired to stay next to him and soothe him, he would have total meltdown. Same if I did timed checks. So I had to do the all out CIO, where I leave, and don't go back until the morning. If you have already night weaned, this will be easier. Doing this wasn't easy though, and I was having anxiety attacks until someone suggested I get a video monitor. Once I was able to check on him when he cried without going in and sending him into meltdown mode, things got way better for both of us.
Bottom line is don't feel ashamed that you need some help or that you let your son cry. Even in the Pantley and Sears books they acknowledge that if things have gotten to the point of anger and resentment, some moms may have to sleep train. I am all for using the gentlest method possible that works for you and your baby. If you would never use benedryl, you could check into "Baby ZZZZ's" and herbal product that I also think worked well for Jax. It is hard to function and be a good mom on so little sleep. It is hard for your baby too. Now Jaxon is like a new baby. Instead of crying at the drop of a hat because he is constantly over tired (not to mention the arching and planking so I couldn't even take him anywhere), he can play and explore and is so happy. I figure that if I did any damage to him by letting him cry (and I really don't think I did) I am making it up to him by being a better mom during his waking hours. We play and I am not crying and angry all the time. Give yourself a break and permission not to be the perfect by the (attachment parenting) book mommy, and come up with a plan, with the help of your support people.
I wish you luck and sleep.
Carrie
Oh Missy, I don't have any other real advice, but I wanted to give you biiig hugs. Aidan is not a great sleeper, but we don't have anywhere near the problems you're describing. He has STTN about 5 times, and generally wakes 1 or 2x. Our biggest problem is that he's an early, early, early (did I say early?) waker - averaging about 4:40am. Though I know it's against all sleep rules, we're going to try putting him to bed later (7:30-8, rather than barely 7), because we can't continue to get up in the dark every day.
You know that you need more sleep for your health, and as hard as it might be, you might need to consider some of the CIO-type suggestions the pp mentioned. Hang in there, mama!
Rebecca
Hi Missy...... the "no sleep" issue is HARD - but it doesn't mean we *have* to resort to CIO.
Carrie,
I am mostly a lurker, but I wanted to thank you for your informative post. My situation sounds sooo much like yours--the constantly fussy, planking, arching baby; and a frazzled, sleep-deprived mom. I just thought she was a colicky baby; I really didn't consider that it could be due to lack of sleep. She is 7 months old and naps maybe 2 hours a day, wakes 2-3 times per night, and is up for the day around 5:30 a.m. I have been considering CIO for a while but have been intimidated by all the negativity people have towards it. I just wanted to ask, was your baby on solids yet when you did CIO? My DD is still refusing solids (we started trying at 6 months), so I think she might be genuinely hungry when she wakes at night. For that reason, I've thought that I should wait until she is eating solids before I try any CIO methods. Is that what you did? I just don't think I could do CIO if there was a chance that she is genuinely hungry!
I just wanted to say THANK you ladies for all of your responses.
Laurie-
Yes by the time I resorted to CIO at 8 months, Jax was an expert at eating solids and was eating 4-6 jars of stage 2's a day. He was in a great routine with everything else, he was just refusing to sleep. I don't know what to say if your DD is not eating anything other than BM. It is possible (likely?) that she is still hungry at night.
You may want to try some of the other suggestions from "No Cry" or the Sears sleep book (you can find them on-line too, you don't really have to buy the book) first if you are worried about her calorie intake. I did really like those books, and they are BF friendly. Because Jax was previously STTN, and was eating solids so well, I was able to add another day nursing session to compensated for the night one I was taking away, and then I went cold turkey on night nursings and visits. It is the only thing that worked for me.
For DS, the planking and arching and hysterical meltdown crying during the day is behavior I don't see anymore now that he is STTN again. I guess I figure I traded some daytime tears for some nighttime ones during sleep training. It is so nice to be able to take him on a play date, and have him play with the other kids, and not sit on my lap and wail the whole time.
Best of luck to you as you explore your options. The sleep issue is tough, and I really don't think there is one right answer.
Carrie
Just a few minor things to add to all the great advice you've received...
My first was a terrible sleeper...what you are saying sounds so much like her. I can assure you at 7 she sleeps really well (but you may like to hear that #2 is like a dream when it comes to sleep and still #1 gets up more often than #2 does!).
I think I had some success at that age getting her to eat some protein like an egg or cheese near bedtime to help her sleep better.
Hi Missy-
((HUGS)) to you, sweetie! Sorry it's taken a while to get to this thread. I'll echo everything Paula has said. DD also was a terrible sleeper, waking 5+ times a night until 14 months. I did night wean her at that time...with DH's help. We did NOT CIO, but DH had to 'work' for a while. Of course, he didn't want to, but I reminded him I had been getting up with her for 14 months.
Please look into the books Paula mentioned. Hope you get sleep soon, hon!! Keep us posted, okay?
Hi ladies,
I want to really thank all of you who responded to my post.
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